To The Point of Madness

Examination Woes

2012-01-16T15:45:00.002+08:00

Things happened and we can't turn back time, so let's foccus on the present and ignore the rest.

The present, meaning the examinations, of course. Techniques is tomorrow, and I'm feeling a bit lax with my studying just because there isn't much to study for Techniques. Past years are being a big pain but I'm just waiting until Wednesday comes, then I'm home free - literally - and can study for Biochem at home.

It's a bit funny, having housemates. On one hand, you tend to think they are your friends, which is true to a certain degree considering you're all living under the same roof and all so you kind of gotta make friends. But on the other hand, you guys have nothing much in common besides the fact that you go to the same uni and live in the same house. So sometimes you have no idea what to say to them and you've lost all ideas for conversation starters.

I'm not saying I don't have good housemates; au contraire, they're really rather OK. But it's a bit of misconception, calling them Housemates when you spend most of your time there stuck in your own room.

Anyway, one of my favourite movies if V for Vendetta. Simple because of the loveliest scene in the movie: Valerie's letter.

Techniques grew to an even bigger pain when I found out that Germplasm conservation (a question that has been coming out every year) is not in our notes. Turns out Peter Alderson was supposed to lecture on this but never did. Read through it briefly but am firm on not doing that particular question. It's already so last minute I doubt I'd have time to study it properly.

Out of all the people I want to find, it's that I want to know the most. It's just the thought of whether someone like that could possibly be walking around on the other side of the world. It's getting so exhausting to try and pretend and deny myself and I don't want that. I'd imagine that it was all real, you know. Pretend that life as I imagine existed, even for a moment. The sort of dream you never want to wake up from just because, no matter how bleak that dream is, it's the closest thing you can ever have to having.

I'm So Amused That Even When I'm in Uni, I'm Still Using The Biology Success Book We Used In High School...

2011-12-15T20:43:00.002+08:00

Now this is really to the point of madness.

Spent the better part of the entire day trying to go through the entire Vitamin Village exercise. Emphasis on trying and go through and entire. Because really, Vitamin Village is incredibly in depth and it gives out so much info, and instead of PrntScrning everything like my lecturer suggested (I'm not patient enough to press the button, open up Paint, paste it in, save it, repeat process thousands of times) I just copied everything they put onto foolscap, so I can always look it over instead of turning on the laptop whenever I want to study.

Which is a pain, since I never get any work done when the laptop's open (which can also attribute to the fact that it took me from 12 in the afternoon to literally, 6 pm in the evening just to finish the entire Vitamin Village). I procrastinate, and staring at the laptop for 6 hours straight is annoying. It makes you tilt your neck up, unlike reading where you're tilting downwards which is much better on your posture.

Am planning on finishing my coursework (why do I always type it courseowkr?) tonight, come what may, and just get it over with. So now I'm studying my notes, and lo and behold, some of the info (meaning half) from the notes came from Vit Village.

And it took me three hours of going through VitVill to discover that EVERYTHING was on Vit A. That's all. And I just realised, at the end of my Vitamins Notes, there's a slide regarding the online coursework, they said, "MCQ will cover general introduction lecture plus vitamins A, C, D, E and K from the Vitamin Village." What talking you? Only got A lah....mana ada CDEK?

Besides, after studying for Whole Organism Biology that day, my head is still filled with Digestion and Endocrine system. Thank God for Dr Lim's incredibly detailed but so taxing to read notes! Incredibly detailed = more info resulting in = taxing to read. But it was good, it was in depth and everything, and we had a great laugh on Wed when Dennis mentioned he didn't read endocrine system and tembaked the entire thing.

Dennis: OMG everything was on hormones and I didn't read. So I tembak only.
Me: Why didn't read? Endocrine got essay coming out on it for finals. Must read.
Alex: Yeah why no read? Endocrine very important you know.
Dennis: OMG die!

Anyway, I've just finished Vitamins and Minerals coursework and am officially work-free for the hols! Which means I have loads of free time to do whatever I want.

And the coursework was a bit unfair, their marking scheme. Just because I answered A in the B column (even though both answers were applicable) I got the entire thing 0/10. Unfairness aside, it was rather OK, and thank, thank God I went through Vitamin Village, because really, half the questions that came out in VitVill came out for the coursework and I could do them ALLLLLL!!!!!

The funniest part was, they gave us 2 hours to finish it, and at first I figured, Damn, two hours. Do I have enough time for 60 questions? Turns out I had so much time, when I couldn't find a reference in my notes (or when I was too lazy to find) I googled it, went through a few sites, checked Facebook regularly, even went and commented regarding certain techniques to answer the questions. One of Avinesh's pals was laughingly saying that if I could go onto FB whilst doing the coursework, it should be OK for me then!

Only bit I had problem with was when I clicked Save Answer and Next question, the entire thing hang kei-ed and I was freaking out because when I refreshed the page, they said Question 1 cannot be revisited and can't be saved etc etc. So I thank God again that after every question I clicked the Save button. I know people who Save it all one shot at the end but believe me, being safe is definitely better than being sorry!!!

Anyway, it's all in the past. It's been done with, I am free.

IT IS FINISHED!!!

I sound like MJ. Lol.

.....I don't know what to do tomorrow. I've been studying for WOB and Nutrition this entire week, now that it's gone and done with, I feel so lost. Like I don't have a purpose in life anymore...

Maybe I should start studying tomorrow.

Damn, I really have no life.

Broken Pieces, Shattered Glass

2011-12-05T20:46:00.003+08:00

Who are you today?
Are you a friend, a foe
Or somewhere in between

Who will you be tomorrow?
Does your mood dictate how you act to me

I may be a festering wound
I may be selfish as can be
But you are the killing frost
That destroys everything around you

There was an instigator
We both know that it wasn't me
You think I hurt you
But I'm hurting more

Broken pieces, shattered glass
Broken peace is shattering fast
Can't go back to what was past
Past as prologue, we can never....

Should I care for you
For old time's sake
Or should I just leave you
To walk away

We are drifting so apart
You seem to think that I was at fault

When I'm not
You brought it up
You made it worse than it was before
Why couldn't you just let it be

What happened to our chemistry
Your moodswings exhaust me
And I can't keep up
Tell me once and for all
Am I still one?

Your type is the type I can't stomach
You treat people based on what they can give
When you thought you had a chance
Man, did you go all out

When you were passed for something else
You turn into an ugly beast
Breaking all the promises you made
I'm disappointed

I may be at fault
But you screw my head on tight
Until I blame myself
When the guilt's not mine

Are you alright?
You answer with a question
You don't look fine
You tell me to let it be
But the festering wound deepens
And the stench of infection is here
The chasm between us deepens
And all I want to hear
Is

Peace

Webct Nottinghasm

2011-11-23T15:23:00.002+08:00

Hello world. My Nutrition Energetics coursework was done just two hours ago so I'm free to do my Techniques (and the Biochem, and the Genetics, not to mention the studying...) In short, I'm one quarter through my quartet of coursework that has to be done.

Haha, I was planning to go to webct and into Google I typed: webct nottinghasm. Somehow the 'hasm' ending made it rather hilarious.

Anyway, going for CF later, before coming back to do Techniques and maybe some Genetics.

Seriously, I don't understand Genetics. Lecture One of Mendelian, I went, 'AH, I know this.' Lecture Two: Hmm, this sounds interesting. Lecture Four: What is she talking about? Lecture Five: Her explanation makes it even more confusing. Lecture Six: I give up. Notify me when you understand the topic.

The funnest (sorry, the most fun) thing that happened this week was yesterday, right after class. Av, Ash and I were planning to go to the TCR on the third floor of the library to do our Energetics online coursework. Momal decided to come along with us since Dinie was absent. Went all the way up to realise that the entire class was booked, so Ash suggested going to the top floor of the TCR building.

Made our way there, found to our joy the emptiness of the entire place so we all sat down with each other. Pulled out the trusty calculator, pencil, rough paper and notes, and typed in our passwords et al to enter into webct. I managed to load my desktop, but couldn't enter webct since they kept giving me the wrong password notice. Frustrated, I turned to Ash. "Dude, they won't let me go into webct!"

"You think that's bad?" Av piped up. "My computer's not letting me load my desktop." See, in the Nott computers, they have that Switch User window, in which every student must key in their ID and password and the computer will load that student's desktop. But Av couldn't get past that either.

So both of us swapped computers, to no avail. We moved from one console to another, almost a total of four times. Momal and Dennis had to leave so it was just the three of us now.

Finally Av and Ash got theirs on, while I was still having trouble with webct. After a bit, I finally figured out what I did wrong (clicking directly on the Log In link instead of going through webct's main site and clicking on the Log In link there) so I managed to get in.

So you have three students, all opening webct to the same page, and we did a bit of last minute revision before I finally said. "Shall we do it now? One, two, three." We clicked the Start button, Av half a second after me, so his timer (we had only 1 hour) was half a second slower than mine.

The first 10 questions were MCQs, and then they had five structural questions. Managed all right on the MCQ with one very careless mistake, and the structural stumped us for a bit since it involved quite a bit of calculation. So there we were, going through the questions, and our conversations went somewhat like this.

"Question 2. Gross Energy." Flip, flip, flip. "Hey, which page of the notes? Which slide?"

"This one, before Metabolisable Energy."

"Ok. Ah, I got the answer. It's the second one."

"OK. Confirm?"

"Confirm. Click 'save answer'?"

"Yep."

Silence for a minute.

"Guys, I don't know question 5 so I'm going to Question 6 ok?"

"Yep. Hey what's the answer for question 4?"

"Uh.....third one I think."

You get the idea.

The structural part was rather funny cause we had only half an hour left and we were just doing the first question. So it was,

"Hey, they're asking for components, not factors--"

"Guys, we've got 30 minutes left."

"Oh, really? Ok then, must hurry up."

The later questions included lots of calculations and our entire piece of rough paper was thoroughly scribbled on. On one hand, Av and I were debating with Ash the different methods of calculating what they wanted (because we had no idea, NO IDEA, how to get what they wanted - it wasn't in our notes - so we estimated) and thank God we managed to convince Ash because our answer for that question turned out to be correct.

Then we were all stuck at this very long and very complicated question, and I told Av how I got my answer, and our answers were a decimal place off (since I rounded up and he didn't) but we both scored on that so we assume there's a range of answers. The clock kept on ticking.

On the last question, we did calculations but were unsure if it was the right one or not. So Ash and Av were discussing and I checked the timer.

"But they wanted yyyyy and we did xxxxx so need to add this--"

"Guys, there are 2 minutes left."

"OK OK, so are we gonna put this then?"

"We should right, cause I don't see any other way we can do it--"

"One minutes 30 seconds left."

"Yikes. So, do we all agree on this answer?" Rattles off a series of numbers.

"Yup. So we put lah?"

"40 seconds left."

"OK. Finish? OK."

Clicked the Finish button at 30 seconds to spare, Ash almost died when his computer hang-ed, but luckily it managed to save the rest of his answers in time so it was ok. Got a rather decent score for that one.

And when we left the TCR with sighs of relief, we all got a migraine.

Scrambled Eggs

2011-11-02T13:50:00.002+08:00

Finally, the lab report for Techniques is done!

One down, one more to go!

Next Monday is a public holiday, so this means I'll be going back to Semenyih probably only on Tuesday morning as I have afternoon classes then. Plant Science coursework being a usual pain in the neck, but I've gotten used to the bite marks and am getting my head in the game by finishing it by today, at the very least. Asyraf says he's going to hand in both his lab report and PS coursework this Friday so I'm quite determined to do the same as well.

I've begun a habit of setting my personal deadlines for every coursework/lab report I'm given, eg if the deadline is 8 Nov, I'm setting my deadline exactly one week earlier. It helps to keep me in check, and besides having extra free time not spent on coursework, it means that I can get them out of the way for something else, and I don't have to scramble around last minute like a bunch of beatened eggs.

Scramble. Eggs. Scrambled eggs. Geddit?

At least I managed to finish my lab report today i.e. on the deadline I set personally since we're supposed to hand it up next Wednesday.

AHA!

I've finally finished my Plant Science coursework! Of course, I'll still need to do a little bit housekeeping here and there, but the general idea and everything is done! I'll probably go through it once more, get everything down to pat, print it out tomorrow and hand it in on Friday.

Off With Their Heads!!!

2011-10-15T21:26:00.003+08:00

It's the end of the third week at Nottingham, and I'm at a loss for what to write for my Plant Science coursework. It's 25% of our marks, and we're supposed to write short notes on Self-Incompatibility in Plants, but I honestly don't know how I'm going to start it. Laziness is the story of my life right now.

Just checked Facebook, and I have a silly smile on my face when I read my college pals' comments and realise they're having trouble with Biochemistry as well (despite us being in different universities and courses etc). So am I, but I'm rather determined to study and understand it, if only because Shiho Miyano is a fantastic biochemist and my reason for wanting to study what I study anyway.

Unfortunately, Biochemistry is only available in Nott UK, so I settled for Biotech instead. Really, if you remove the fact that Shiho is a biochemist, I actually don't think there's much that Biotech really appeals to me. I'm not regretting the choice I made, I just sometimes wonder why I took this course when I'm more into Chemistry than Biology. I even wonder sometimes if I should have taken pharmacy instead due to the amount of Chemistry involved. Then I remember that pharmacists have to work for the government for X amount of years so that's out of the question as well.

Oh wait. In Conflict of Interest, Morgana Lafferty is a microbiologist and Nikki Alexander is a pathologist. Probably why I'm doing biotech then.

I'm trying to multitask right now (which is a bit of a no-brainer, really, cause it's proven that we can't really focus on what we're doing when we multitask) but it's a habit that comes easily to me. Constantly I find I have to restrain myself from doing something halfway and move on to something else.

My Biochem notes are out, as well as the Biochem reference book, but I'm trying to search for journals on SIiP at the same time so it's a tad bit annoying because I want to do so many things, I don't have time to do it all, and I end up multitasking despite my reservations.

Nottingham is quite an alright university. Huge spaces so you have to walk a fair bit, but hey, exercise is good for the body. What I don't like about the arrangement, about university is that when I come home, the first thing I do is go online. It's like I have to do it, and I don't study at all, which shames me when I see my pals in class with their notes and I feel so behind.

The roads to Nott are fairly wide and easy on the traffic, though, so it's rather fun to drive fast and not having to bother about cars knocking you down. But it's boring there though, even the library isn't as fun as that in HELP. Sure, there are more reference books and all, but they get so tedious sometimes. I don't know, there's just a feeling of lethargy around that university. It's like a little Sleepy Hollows on its own.

Nevertheless, I intend to study harder and actually work on understanding stuff.

What To Study

2011-09-27T08:28:00.002+08:00

Currently a bit busy, what with moving in and all, so I won't be having time to post a long one today, but I'll be sure to update over the weekend, maybe sooner (i.e. Wednesday or Friday) since lectures end fairly early then.

Where Ice Breaking Is Done With Words and Smiles, Not An Ice Pick

2011-09-20T15:36:00.002+08:00

So, dear Jeya, your Edinburgh clock is on my blog. Hope you are well and do not hesitate to correct me if I got the timing of the clock wrong, yes?

I am panicking my arse off now because I was planning to register at Nott on Thursday and move some stuff in afterwards, but now I just found out they have an induction programme on Thursday itself which is just something like "Welcome to Nott, this is ...." that sort of thing, I guess. And I got even more panicked when I found out that registration for my faculty is (yippee) tomorrow. Yeah, so that kind of throws a big monkey wrench into my plans since I'm planning to meet up with Liang (Abby's pal) to get the keys to the house and I don't know how long induction is going to take. Still no idea when they are moving in though.

It's rather annoying since I thought I'd made progress by packing my entire suitcase already. And I've been on the phone the entire day, talking to Nottingham repsresentatives to ask:

How long is the induction programme? Is it necessary? How long will registration take? Can I collect my unconditional offer letter then?

I don't even know what else to ask anymore. My fingertips are flying across the keyboard in a blur, and I'm having to listen to, "Your call is next in line and will be answered by the next available representative. Thank you for your patience."

I'm not patient. I'm rather impulsive. Anyone can testify to that. I'm so jumpy right now my entire self is humming.

What's so irritating is that the phone is glued to my ear for minutes, since I'm being put on hold, and after a while, I get cut off. This happens rather frequently.

So I turn to my wildcards: Liang, Abby and Li Sha. Abby hasn't replied, Li Sha is offline, so I called Liang, and thank God, an angel sent from heaven.

He said he didn't even bother turning up for induction so screw it! And then I'm going to pick the keys up from him and we can move in.

Oh, before i forget, Freshers Week. They're having loads of activities, such as Ice Breaking (free), The Hunt (RM 10), then there is a choice of either clubbing till 3.30 am (fifty plus I think) at MOS or bowling at some centre in Kajang (less than clubbing), then we have Caberet (RM 5 as well), where we can watch performances etc, and finally BBQ/JJ's, JJ's is a bar, btw.

But for the free stuff you can only enter if you get a name tag, sold for RM 3.

Sounds fun, though instead of taking the package deals, I thought I'd go for ice breaking, the hunt, and maybe caberet? I've never been to one of those. But clubbing though, I'm not sure. Lou encourages me to go, simply because, and I quote:

"Well one thing, I think you should go. Not because it's going to be any fun, but because you get to see what people talk about and what they're like when they get drunk. It can be very interesting, but have a trusted buddy with you."

Thank you for the advice, I will consider going.

An Advertiser's Wet Dream

2011-09-13T11:10:00.002+08:00

That would be my sister.

She is, I quote, a sucker for packaging, unquote. She said so herself, so I consider it perfectly fine to say it out loud. Anything wrapped in a fancy way, anything that catches her eye, she'll go for it, even though it ends up pretty rotten in the end (think buying food because it is packaged elegantly but contains not-so-tasty food).

Me, on the other hand, am an advertiser's worst nightmare.

Seriously, I don't pay attention to adverts on the newspapers or magazines. Only this morning my sister was telling me about a particular scholarship to apply and I promptly asked her, "Really? Got show ke?" and she replied, rather irritably, yes.

Which led me thinking about all these.

When it comes to newspapers I scan the headlines, and if there is something interesting based on the statement I'll read it, but if it doesn't catch my eye I skip. And I skip the adverts entirely. Partly because there is nothing I want to read about or buy that they're showing, and mainly because there's just so much more to read, so by skipping over the irrelevant details I gain more time for other things.

And yes people, I don't go online and play games or whatnot. I actually read fanfiction online. My favourites are the ones where it's incredibly long (Just finished a Severus/Hermione one called Semantics that was 100 chapters) and detailed, it's like reading an entire book. Of course, the one shots are nice as well, but like Jenny Shepard from NCIS said in a fanfiction, "It's not about the ending, it's about how the characters get there." I like to read how the characters evolve, and sometimes when I write I can't help but feel a little helpless that I'll never be able to evolve them that way, simply because I'm such a schmuck at writing emotions. I love reading about them, but I don't know how to put it into words, how to bring it to life.

Anyway, I'll be leaving for Notthingham Malaysian Campus in a couple of weeks and I'm still at a loss at what to bring there. Shall I do the one-suitcase policy, where I bring everything in (you got it!) one suitcase and generally live out of that, or do I move in, move in? I don't want to bring lots of stuff, but since I'll be living in the house five days a week it feels a bit.....cold without some personal possessions. And I've not met half of my housemates yet so it's going to be odd. I wonder how we can stand our respective quirks and habits.

I don't know which jacket to bring.

And even if I want to do a bit of early studying, I honestly can't because I don't exactly know what books I'll be needing (makes me kinda guilty when my sis studies intently during her off-days -- she's only got lectures three times a week!) and all the books on their recommended reading list are available at Nott's library/bookshop. I feel so bummed out and lazy hence the multiple reading sessions.

According to the gadget on my desktop, it is mostly cloudy in KL and the temperature is 31 degrees Celsius. Which is hot, isn't it? I mean, normal room temperatures here is at 25 degrees C. So a rise of 6 degrees in the temperature means it's rather warm, yes?

If that's the case, why on earth are my hands cold?

I mean, really cold.

It's like that time in HELP. We were having a Core Maths 4 mock (which I failed miserably - don't ask) and I wore my jacket and Shangeeth asked if I were really that cold, and persuaded me to take my jacket off. Shrugging, I did so, and endured the entire two hour period without my jacket.

A big mistake.

I was chattering the entire time, my limbs were freezing, and I couldn't care less about the exam when I was half frozen. And I do believe that time, the temperature of the AC was 22 degrees Celsius, I think. It may have been lower than that, of course, but none of my pals were bothered, in fact they relished it, being a hot day and all, and I simply don't trust my judgment in temperature.

A Little Escapism

2011-08-19T12:42:00.003+08:00

I find a lot of things rather amusing lately. That's an opinion not many people agree with, but why not?

It always strikes me as funny how when people want your help they come to you, but when they don't you don't really hear from them at all. Now, I'm not being mean, nor am I criticising people for that. I've done it myself; I'm all honey sweet when I want stuff, but who doesn't do it?

I just find it rather amusing, a little bit sad, but mostly amusement reigns.

Just today I've had a call, yes a CALL, can you imagine, from a college pal of mine who asks, "Hey, it's XXX. Do you remember me?" As if I can forget anyone of you. I'm more likely than you are to remember who the other is. One of the benefits of being wallflower. (And the only reason I'm making a big deal about people calling me is because people generally don't call me. It's a rule or something; I can leave my phone on for twenty four hours, 7 days a week and I won't have a single call from my friends. It's odd that way.)

So she was saying that a pal of hers was planning to do biotech or biochem next year, and she wanted to borrow my personal statement to just kinda see what I wrote, what needs to be said to get through that yes, it's biotech/biochem I want to do.

Unfortunately I've misplaced my personal statement, and I'm trying to find it myself (to no success, as of late). It's funny how people ask to read the personal statements, I've commited the same crime of reading other people's stuff, but while I'm awed by the various experiences they have that led them to do medicine or pharmacy, I don't relate to it. I've never been involved in meds, never liked it. But it was pretty good, their stuff. I understand why they want it, I just don't feel the same way.

But what is a personal statement? It's personal (yes, thank you, funnily we figured that bit out) but what does it mean? Lots of times I've seen people going around, trying to....well, plagiarize sounds a bit harsh....but yes, people who can't be bothered to write their own tend to copy-paste from other sources. That's not very personal, is it?

Mostly, though, the problem with all these essays is that they ask, why do you want to do this? We know we like this, but why is a rather difficult bit altogether. How do we put into words the passion and joy we feel when we mix chemicals together, that childlike awe we feel when we discover something?

It's kind of like me.

People around me know I love books, devour them with a passion, can read (speed-read, they say, but that's so uncouth. How do you define speed-reading?) an entire book in a few hours. But what people don't know is that when I enter a bookstore where I'm given liberty to buy any book I want (since they were all at discounted prices) I actually cackled.

Cackled, like a witch.

Honestly, if anyone were beside me they would've thought I've lost my mind.

And not once. Oh, no. Multiple times. I run around, finding books, cackling in glee, childlike delight on my face. The best part is, the people I was there with, family? They didn't even notice. And that's fun, because it's a secret. It's a secret that no one will ever witness. You've seen it in books, where the main character sees their love interest doing something they enjoy and there's that expression of utmost joy, and then they'll write: "That's when he fell in love with her all over again." or something to that effect.

You won't get a chance to see it, the way I'm so overwhelmed by the whole thing I actually had to fight the dizziness, fight not to pass out at the sight of it all. Complete euphoria. It's too much to take in at once.

You don't get a chance to see it, because you're not the one I fell in love with.

Fake Empire Fic

2011-08-11T20:00:00.002+08:00

I'd just finished Chapter 18 of City on a River, the non-mutant version of the Fake Empire fic, which was absolutely lovely, btw. In case you didn't know, the pairing in these stories are Emma Frost/Emily Prentiss, a X-Man/Criminal Minds crossover. Fake Empire was about Didi, E/E's daughter from an alternate universe, who was sent to Emily in this universe, to avoid the apocalypse in their former universe.

Confused? Go read it. Link's in my link list.

Yes, and don't condemn me on my choice of literature. Not all of us like plays.

The Circle Is Complete...Kinda

2011-08-07T14:26:00.003+08:00

Oh yes!

Uh-huh, I got my new 8GB pendrive today! And I had to rush all the way to that computer shop at the very top floor of IPC, same level as Popular just to get it since it was at a discounted price (RM 19.90 you know!) and people were lining up to get it when the shop opened at ten.

After power walking all the way (cause it felt a bit uncouth to run that early in the morning when people were setting up shop) we finally got there in time and bought a couple of those pendrives (one per person, so thank God I went along with my dad). Got it, got out to pay parking, whoo! It's free. Turns out we managed to get in and out in fifteen minutes. Validated the ticket and rushed off to church.

Now I'm back home and I was thinking of naming my new XPorter Patriot Memory flashdrive. What do you mean "name", you may ask? Well, usually stuff like this have a name, right, when you stick it into your computer, a window comes out saying or something like that, depending on the brand, yes? Well, I changed it from to ......

Dun dun dun....

< MORGAUSE >

Yes I know, but I needed the whole set, since the memory card in my mobile phone is already called < MORGANA >. I'm serious; that's the name of my memory card. So to complete the circle, I changed my Toshiba 1GB flashdrive (that came free with the Dell laptop) to....

Surprise, surprise...

< NIMUEH >

Now I just need one more of these electronic thingies and I'll call it < MORDRED >.

In your face, < MERLIN >

In The Dark of The Night

2011-08-03T11:38:00.004+08:00

First of all, I'd like to thank my public, Chris Chew Eng Hoe and Daniel Joseph Tay, for being so kind as to check on my blog for updates and comment. Seriously, it does wonders for a girl's ego, and I really have no idea how you people find the time to actually read my stuff, blabbering nonsense that it is.

Anyway, I'd like to introduce you to a song. Yes, a song, sung by a necromancer with lyrics that makes me feel like I want to join the Dark Side (well, they have cookies too, and that). To quote a YouTube commenter: Huh. Who knew being a necromancer could be so...musical?

And the song is IN THE DARK OF THE NIGHT, from Anastasia, by 20th Century Fox, and the necromancer in question is the Holy Man, Rasputin! He's actually one of the few villians I know that makes you sympathise with him quite a bit, and the gleeful look on his face is simply epic.

Honestly people, the song is simple awesome. And I particularly like the part when Rasputin summons his minions. That is my favourite part of the entire song and I always put up the volume, sing along with Rasputin and imagine my minions (maybe Dave from Despicable Me?) rising up from the grave simply because the music, the score and the lyrics there fit the bill so well, you'd be forgiven for being a necromancer in the first place. It's enough to make anyone go evil for that reason.

Besides, evil always seems to have much more fun.

Come my minions
Rise for your master
Let your evil shine
Find her now
Yes, fly every faster
In the dark of the night
In the dark of the night
She'll be MINE!!!

P.S. Though I think that my version of the bridge is more of Evil!Sorceress than IWantRevenge Rasputin. Somehow I tend to sing it in a softer tone as I imagine it to be something like, Standing at one end of a table, stretching your hand out and conjuring spirits from the grave and just feeling intoxicated by the rush of power.

Something Ghostly This Way Come

2011-08-02T20:13:00.002+08:00

So I'll be the first to admit that this is a title more suitable for October, but I couldn't help it.

Just two minutes ago I entered my parents' room to brush my hair. They've got a nice big mirror there so yeah. The entire room was dark, only illuminated by the light from the family room outside. So I flipped on the switch, and a light at the dressing table snapped on (I'm quite tempted to say "Turned On" but you know, boys these days. Say something like that and expect sniggering).

I turned away to get my brush, and was just about to start combing my hair when all of a sudden, the light snapped off.

People who know me knows my imagination knows no bounds, particularly when it involves the supernatural. And oddly enough, I'd been thinking about Spellbound, and what powers were suitable for the warlock Albert (I briefly entertained the idea that a rogue warlock breathes fire. Hey, Chris, maybe warlocks are elemental but when they turn rogue, their powers grow in intensity but in the end it overwhelms them to the point of insanity?) so it was a bit of a shock to be plunged into darkness.

So here I was, thinking that maybe something weird is going on when I finally hit on the solution. You know sometimes how you can flip a switch only halfway down into the slot? I think that's what happened, and since it was only halfway down, it ended up back to its original position without anyone pressing it.

Thus solved the Mystery of the Vanishing Light Source.

Legion

2011-07-28T12:26:00.002+08:00

I don't know who you are anymore.

Who are you? Who am I? Who are we? Are we the two sides of the same coin? Or the same side of two coins? Are we one and the same? Or are we just different? Left, right. Up, down. In, out. North, south. Back, forth. Past, present.

A dichotomy.

A dichotomy, but also a similarity.

We are similar. Our minds are in sync. But who are you? Who am I?

Who are you, really?

I liked you once. I liked who you were. Who I was. Who I am now. I liked the attention you gave me. She gave me. She always gave me.

I don't know who I am. If I'm me, or if I'm her. Or if I'm a multitude of persons in one shell.

We are Legion, for we are many.

So which one do you want? Me. Her. We. Us. None of the above. All of the above.

The lines are blurred. I see me in the mirror. I see her in the mirror. I see them in the mirror.

Who exactly am I?

No matter who I end up with, she'll always be the one. I'll probably never meet her, but I know her, because I know me, and I am her. She belongs to me. Does that mean I belong to her? That we belong to each other?

Musings Over A Cuppa

2011-07-01T11:29:00.003+08:00

I am extremely pissed at Blogger.

My oh-so-inspirational tea post was only saved with the first two paragraphs intact - the rest are missing. So I really can't bring myself to write it all down again. If this incident happens again, I swear I'll move to Livejournal instead.

On a lighter note, a few people might have noticed that I went to collect my 1119 cert on Wednesday. Well, I'd originally planned on wearing one of my button down long sleeve shirts cause it was so hot lately. I'd even planned to wear my gladiator sandals as well. But then....

It rained.

Talk about raining on your parade, literally.

And it got so cold and jammed I was half worried we wouldn't get to Taman Sea in time because I planned to get my cert, hand it to my dad, and spend some time hanging around the school (since it was RKA day) and wait for Chiau Hui's mum to get her report card so she could clear off and come for lunch with us.

By the time I got to Taman Sea it was almost 9.45 am. Good, I was still on schedule since we arranged to meet at 9.50 am, the time when Chiau's class had their recess. Ran in the rain to the entrance, walked up the walkway past the prefects who were busy chorusing, "Good Morning." Past the poor fellow Scout who was busy opening the gates (in the rain, might I add) for the cars to enter the school. Honestly, every time something like this occurs, it's our Scouts that get assigned the grunt work. Made my way past the tables and stone chairs, past the group of Green House people who were sheltering underneath due to the rain. Laughed at them cause I didn't need to go for House Practice anymore, ho ho ho.

Rushed up the teachers' staircase (which I use every chance I get since only teachers were allowed to use it, but screw it. I am a returning alum!) Visited the facilities and raised a curious eyebrow at the barrel of what-looked-like-oily-dirty-water right outside. Entered said facilities and saw the "Please Flush to Maintain Cleanliness" signs inside every cubicle. Sniggered when some of the said cubicles were missing the handles to flush the toilets. Despaired at the sight of the toilets and wondered where did all our money go? Raised an eyebrow at the new faucet heads.

Then I walked out and who should I see coming towards me but Mr Chris! I think he was just coming out of the office, so we made our way there and got our cert. A couple of teachers entered and asked us to donate blood (yes, they do a blood donation drive every year on this day). Met the same teacher (I think) who had given me my SPM cert in March; she commented that I looked so different. Do I?

So we got our certs, then he accompanied me all the way back down past "Good Morning" prefects, and I ran all the way to the car and threw my cert in through the window and went back up the walkway to another chorus of "Good Morning." Saw some Green house people pushing each other under a stream of rainwater that was leaking from a hole in the roof and tsked. Kids these days.

Went up to Chiau's class, met her halfway there, so we relocated to the canteen and had a great jaw of a time there with dear Elaine. Had some really meaningful convos then. Afterwards, Elaine had to go for her presentation and so we left for the hall, where I * ahem, ahem* managed to convince the dear Mr Chris to donate blood. He was grimacing when they stuck the needle in. We have pictures, oh yes, even a recording, but he doesn't want it published so it's not on FB. Good blackmailing material huh? Just kidding.

After that we met Vincent there and the boys had a chat. Then we basically toured the school waiting for Chiau's mum to come over and pick up the report card. There was a funny incident where we were both chatting with our favourite teacher, the Chem teacher, for several minutes, and after she left to her office, Chris and I glanced at each other and said, "What's her name ah?"

We started throwing out names until Chris gave it up and went to ask said teacher and we were so sheepish when he came back and said, "Her name is Pn Liew." Well, we can't remember OK? One and a half year we've not met her.

After that we went to makan at Teapot Cafe which was really nice, the atmosphere and everything. Food also not bad. And the decor was lovely. The only embarassing point was when they mistakening place a teapot in front of us (which we didn't order - it belonged to the next table - but we thought it was some complementary thing) and we all took turns to sniff at the lovely smell of apple crumble tea.

Gosh, we need to try that next time.

You Know You've Not Visited Your Blog In Quite A While When You Forget The Password To Log In.

2011-06-24T16:16:00.002+08:00

It's true what they say: the only time you actually write your blog is when the exams are coming. That's the time to spam on about how much you've studied (or not), what happened during the exam, blah blah blah.

Well, C4 was alright. I didn't have as much trouble with this as I had with C3 last semester (and I got a C to prove it) but at least this time I actually more or less can figure out what they're asking me.

Biology was horrible. Everyone complained that "there was no time to think!" and it's true. You get the fresh, clean scientific article and....your mind goes blank, just like the fresh copy. It took me quite some time to riffle through the entire thing just to find what I was looking for.

(Dear God! How annoying can it get when you open a tab to check your mail, click on the first link to open it, come back to it five minutes later to see that it's still hang-kei-ing at that same main page.)

Anyway, for those not taking Physics, congratulations! Today is officially the last day of exams! So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, goodbye to dear Edexcel! For my friends who are taking Physics (like me, rather), we will persevere and defeat Newton, Keppler, Hertzsprung-Russell (though I do think that they were actually two men, not one) and we will ace this examination!!

Well, I hope. Keep your fingers crossed, people!

I'm not really sure if I'm even allowed to talk about the Chem paper today. I mean, I already took it, I suspect with the time difference the English people took it, but I honestly have no idea about the rest of you. So, all I'm gonna say on the subject was that for me, it was a bit tough, and I regretted not studying more on certain topics. There. That'll pass the censor boards. (Which reminds me of my English teacher from secondary school talking about imagery, I think it was, and stuff like how a pair of scissors can be used to demonstrate censorship.)

Anyway, when Physics is over, I'm going to start reading the Hollows by Kim Harrison again (aka the Rachel Morgan series). It's a really cool series, and it starts off with, how, thanks to genetic modification, a virus strain that infected a tomato. The supernatural beings - vampires, witches, pixies etc only suffered from a slight cold and stuff, but humans died out thanks to the virus. When it came to light that the supernatural beings were now more or less equal to the human population, they started mingling with the humans, though there is quite some mistrust between the two species. And since all this started with GM foods, they killed off the scientists and destroyed shipments of drugs in case something like that happened again.

It's a very interesting topic for someone like me who's planning to do biotech (GM foods, anyone?) and it combines science (just a little bit) with my favourite supernatural magic power genre. The best part of all is when humans are so fearful of tomatoes, they stopped eating it, hence tomato-based foods like pizza and spaghetti are shunned even though the tomatoes are perfectly alright and virus-free. It's incredibly funny when Rachel (witch), Ivy (vampire) and Glenn (human) go to Piscary's for dinner, and they serve pizza, and Glenn's horrified at the sight of the pizza. "It's got tomatoes in it!"

And I'm trying to see if I can get the entire series in hardcover cause reading it on PDF is quite a strain. Seriously, I prefer flipping the pages of a book than scrolling. And don't even talk to me about trying to print it out. I did that once, right after my dad installed the new ink cartridge. I got so horrified at the number of pages I stopped printing about halfway, and the ink levels dropped to half. And I didn't even finish printing.

Which is why I'm looking to buy the books instead. But dude, MPH sells them from RM 29.90 (reasonable enough) up to RM 86.90 (crap!). Yeah, you and me both.

So people, hint hint, if you're trying to get me something, either this or Merlin Season 3, original (hopefully) or not original (still OK I suppose) will do. Thank you all in advance.

Electric Charges in the Air Makes Me Fizzle

2011-04-21T20:42:00.004+08:00

It's been ages since I've actually taken a good look at my blog.

One thing I notice is that every single time I come in, there are always a lot of comments on my chatbox. All are spam, with the exception of Shareen, who even noticed the number of random people on my chatbox. Yes, people, spam lives, but it's quite an ego boost, particularly for someone like me who doesn't really post much stuff, to have people comment and say stuff like, "This is a really good blog!"

Oh, who am I kidding? This blog is three-quarters to the compost pile.

On another note, my printer has been working up quite a tantrum lately. See, I stick the USB into the laptop, try to print and lo and behold, paper goes in, gets jammed halfway, only comes back out when I hit the OFF button on the printer. Since a few of those messages that popped out seemed to imply something was wrong with my ink cartridges, dad got some new ones instead. Hopefully when I stick them in everything will be A OK and it'll be up and running soon.

I like electricity. There's something quite cool about being all Brennan Mulwray and throwing a tesla coil at people. Of course, this was way before I saw the Sorcerer's Apprentice and immediately decided that electricity was one hell of a power. Of course, not to be done in water but well...

Plot wise, not bad, particularly liked the technobabble by Monsieur Nicolas Cage "...comes from the electricity in your nervous system." Hmm, maybe that's why Brennan grabbed his gut when he was hit by whatshisname. Confused? There's an episode where this mutant could send out waves of pain. For telepath Frank, the pain hit him and he was clutching his head (telepathy being a mental thing). When it hit Brennan, he was clutching his gut, so word has it that his electrical ability originates from there. Like what Nicolas said, "From the nervous system."

I really disliked the main character and his whinny voice though. Ten year old Dave is better than 20 year old Dave. And anyone besides me that thinks the female lead is like a blonde Bella Swan?

Anyway, mocks are next week, so gotta study. When I'm done with that, I'm gonna finish Kim Harrison's entire Hollows series. It's an incredibly good read, I promise.

Sweet Dreams

2011-04-02T21:21:00.002+08:00

I live in a dream. I've more or less figured out what I want to be, what I want to achieve, but I can never wrap my mind around the pathway I'm supposed to take to get there. So I wait, for the dark to descend, to engulf me, to take me in deeper, to greater heights, until I fall asleep. Then I dream. I dream of knights and swordfights, the only things right now that can fire my blood to the extreme. I've always wanted to be a knight. The glory, the honour, the chivalry. Sometimes I feel as if I'd belong better in that era of blood and metal, than in this world of technology and complicated stuff. I want to feel the rush of magic in my veins, the hum of my blood as I draw out my sword, the intense high that comes with the glory of battle. Then I realise that this can never be. So I go back to sleep. And I dream till the dawn wakes me.

British Accent

2011-03-30T22:09:00.002+08:00

Okay, so there's this fella in my Mech class who's apparently from England (but he's an Indian) and when he speaks, he's got the British accent, but it sounds much more relaxed than the usual crisp accents we see from Keira Knightley for instance (which is where I got my pseudo accent from - not really sure if it's really classified as British or not). Thing is, he keeps pronouncing words with a silent T - like Water becomes WAT-uh, better - BETT-uh, to the point that our Mech lecturer, a youngish fella called Mr Noel started mimicking him every chance he gets, and this brought up a lot of laughs, especially today in class. It's more of a heavy emphasis on the first syllable and they kind of rush through the -er sound. Now, I've tried searching quite a bit, but somehow on every other youtube video of a Brit doing an interview all of them pronounced their Ts, or maybe I didn't pay much attention, but I've personally never heard WAT-uh until my Mech classes this sem. Even Mr Noel and the guy (Javed) were talking about it once when Noel wondered why the actors on Harry Potter kept pronouncing the T sound and Javed replied, "How else would everyone know what we were talking about?" So, Shar, just wondering, do you guys pronounce the T? Or is it just a slang, a more relaxed way of saying stuff? Also, what accent do people in your part of the country England have? I've seen vids of Michelle Ryan and her RP accent, but then Emilia Fox has a "heavier" kind of British accent, Olivia Williams from Dollhouse has that crisp, posh one. Also, what exactly are Hard R words? Since on one episode of Dollhouse Olivia Williams mentioned that she doesn't do hard R words. Been trying to find some info on this but no result so far. Would appreciate some light shed on the matter.

HELP

2011-03-18T21:27:00.001+08:00

I am feeling incredibly nervous.

IELTS exam tomorrow. Wish me luck.

Fingers crossed.

Swirls of Gold In My Eyes

2011-02-03T00:16:00.002+08:00

Fireworks are, to quote Cate Blanchett, so blase. It's supposed to have the little accent over the e, so it's pronounced "Blah-say" but I have no idea how to type the accent so there.

It's around one a.m., and fireworks have been going off since twelve and I'm getting hungrier by the minute even though I ate a lot during the reunion dinner (high metabolism rate) so I'm trying to stave it away by chugging down H2O.

Sometimes I wonder what love really is. Is it some sort of chemical reaction that takes place, or is it just a case of familiarity breeding fondness? What is love? How do you truly know that it's love?

Everytime I see romantic movies or shows this question keeps popping up. Just with everything else, I pondered about it, long and hard.

Till now, I still don't have an answer.

Red and Gold

2011-01-29T17:06:00.003+08:00

Yay, exams are over!

I am excited for the new semester. I'm gonna study consistently and do well for this sem so I can hopefully get a scholarship and whatnot. People who are reading this blog, feel free to check up on me and put me on a guilt trip if I don't study ok?

Well, I am bored. The first two days after the examinations were over felt like heaven; I was finally free to do whatever I want, including catching up on shows and computer games. Unfortunately, half way through the second day, after downloading so many games and finally deleting them because 1. they were seriously lousy or 2. they couldn't be extracted so I couldn't play them, I finally came to the conclusion that there was more to life than flash games. Besides, after a while, you kinda get bored of the entire thing.

I am a person who needs to work to be productive. After so long, I finally understood what Louise meant. I was tired, sure, due to doing so much and juggling stuff around, esepcially during the exam period, where I had to continuously rearrange my schedule so that I had enough time to study and rest, but there came with it a strange sort of satisfaction that I derived after completing an exam. It sort of feels like, you study extremely hard for a subject, to the point where if anything deviates even slightly from your pattern, you come close to having a panic attack (ask my mother), but when you're actually doing the exam, you feel a sense of completion about you, and when it's over, there's relief and a bit of laughter at the same time. It probably doesn't make much sense to you, but if you've ever experienced something like that before, you'll agree that idle hands are the devil's tools.

Right now it's only the second day of my freedom and I'm already feeling antsy. It's an incredible word, antsy. I like that word, where you're restless the whole day and can't sit still. I'm already making a list of things to do during the one week CNY holidays:

1. Clean the entire house, even if it means sweeping the floors during CNY itself. To hell with tradition and superstition; no one comes to my house anyway, and sweeping, like running or skipping rope non-stop, is extremely cathartic. Of course, the dust mites are another thing altogether, but it's worth it just to see the place sparkling...I suddenly feel so domestic.

2. Make applications to universities and for scholarships. Yes, go ahead, point the finger of accusation at me and go, "PROCRASTINATION!!" It's fine, I totally deserved that. The main reason why I haven't done UCAS so far is because initally, I planned to apply to Ireland/Canada. UK was the furthest thing from my mind before I finally decided to apply for Nottingham, Malaysian campus for Biotechnology. Wish me luck.

3. Buy some new stationery, get ready for the new semester. Make proper notes. Because honestly, my notebook is a mess. I manage to make it look nice and neat, and I ruin the entire thing just because there's some new bit of info that needs to be put in during the last minute.

4. Clean up the study area and get rid of the old books. I honestly do think I have OCD now because I can't study if the table's too messy. I need to reorganise everything (half the study time just flew out of the window) before I can sit down calmly. Again, every time I do that, the same thought runs through my head: I have too much stuff.

5. Actually practice Maths consistently. I'm really worried about getting a bad grade for Maths since it felt entirely difficult while I was doing it. I just hope I don't have to retake it. And really study and understand various concepts so I don't have to rush like I did this sem (and the last one, and the one before that, and the one during SPM).

6. Pick up a curricular activity so those scholarship people can't say I'm booksmart but not streetsmart.

And again, thanks so very much to the friend who got me something he knew I'd like. And for all the effort as well. Again, you shouldn't have. But it was a very, very sweet gesture. I liked the tag too, by the way. And the Aliesan thing? My sis actually thought it was printed out and not written. That was how impressed she was at the handwriting.

Have a good trip back to the hometown, and Happy CNY!

Frostian Phrasing

2010-12-30T13:11:00.003+08:00

So my printer is not working, which sucks since I need to print something out.

Uh, as you all know, I need to burn off internship hours at the A Levels Department since I received the scholarship. So when they called, I volunteered two hours on 3rd Jan to help with orientation. Thank God I'm not retaking Physics Unit 1 since there's a seminar for it later on 3rd Jan. Speaking off, I find it a bit odd that we have seminars for Physics but not for Chem or Bio. Just a bit odd.

Anyway, back to the topic at hand - and I'm typing this with my head turned backwards since my sis is nearby and I don't want her to read this and begin any snarky comments. I'm a genius for not making a typo hehe - so I got a call yesterday saying that would we please show up tomorrow at eleven for a pre-orientation-volunteering briefing? Yeah, sure why not.

And it happens.

For the first time in goodness knows how many years, Harimau Malaysia wins 4-2 on aggregate in a football match against Indonesia. It's such a big deal over here that the PM declared tomorrow a public holiday. Yep. Doesn't make much of a difference to me since I am still on holiday, but whatever. The next thing I know, mum's yelling at me to call up HELP to ask since they're not allowed to open on public holidays (something to do with, if you want people to come in and work then you need to pay them and no one likes to suffer a loss).

That's right.

Thus I picked up the phone and called HELP (I actually had the number saved into my phone; that's how many times they've called me for some reason or other), got put through to the A Level's Department and a guy came on the line and yep, I asked my question.

Imagine my glee when they said that, yes, they won't be open tomorrow. So for a split second I thought, this is it! I don't need to go for a meeting! WOOOO!!

Then my elaborate fantasies - where I am suddenly Queen of the World, am leading an army into war, sitting on a golden throne with a crown on my head and a smirk worthy of Morgana on my face - came to an abrupt end a split second later when the guy said that the meeting had been pushed up to 4 pm, today.

Cue a loud, mental WHAT!!!

Genius....what a gushing genius.

Hence I am now dressed up (well, as dressed up a pair of jeans and a blouse looks next to shorts and a KDU T-Shirt, that is) waiting for the clock to tick, tick, tick....

But before I bore you all with the ticking, let me introduce to you my latest fascination *coughobsessioncough* with the latest addition to my "List of Beautiful/Pretty/KickAss Female Actresses/Characters". Now, they're not in any particular order, I'm just ranting them off as I go. Keira Knightley (thank you for the multiple lessons in my faux-British accent!), Katie McGrath (they should expand more on you in Freakdog, dear), Morgana le Fay (I am Queen of Camelot), Emilia Fox (there's something about the way she plays Nikki Alexander that's so utterly funny even when it's a serious situation), Morgause (Our Fearsome Champion), Michelle Ryan (Bionic Woman, need I say more?), and on that note, Nimueh/Jaime Sommers. Emma deLauro/Lara Perkins etc. I bet there's loads more I could mention, but these are my chart-toppers.

Yes, I mentioned Katie and Morgana even though they're the same person (Katie plays Morg) but there are different qualities about each of them that makes me list them individually. Ditto for Emilia/Morgause and Michelle/Nimueh/Jaime.

And now, for the latest addition....

Drumroll please....

Starring in 2011's X Men First Class is.....

The White Queen, Emma Grace Frost!!!

Dude, seriously, if by now you're staring at the screen going HUH? please, please please Google Emma Frost. Really, she's utterly fascinating. Constantly dressed in skimpy white clothing (which I was attracted to - the idea of wearing white all the time, not the skimpy bit) she's a brilliant telepath and she can turn her body into inorganic diamond! How cool is that?

~By the way. That rip off in X-Men Origins: Wolverine? The end part where they all hide behind the blonde girl who shimmers like she's encrusted with diamonds? (though much more tastefully done than Edward Cullen) Yep she's Emma Frost. OK, so maybe I'm just jealous that she gets a cool name, cool powers and is the head of a multibillion company, but I was a bit, "OMG TWILIGHT!!" when I saw the diamond special effects. The actress is pretty, but when I think diamond I imagined her made entirely out of diamond, with the cool planes and sharp features, not Edward Cullen.~

And yep, I actually printed out a 82 page fanfiction just because Emma Frost and Jean Grey were starring in it, and I'm really addicted to characters like Emma.

And Severus Snape.

Ye-ah. People don't buy that, but I do.

It's the attitude. I'm a sucker for smart, intelligent people who are snarky and formerly evil and can insult you in such a eloquent way you're torn between feeling awed by all the big words, or angry at being called an "insufferable know-it-all", or just plain *makes a whistling noise* what did that word mean. Mmhmm it's the attitude.

And the voice. Everytime I read fanfics with Emma in it, I imagine a low, quiet sort of voice that borders on amusement and plain insulting. And Alan Rickman's voice just won me over. Just like how every actor playing Wolverine needs the deep husky-ish voice, all of my formerly-evil-but-sarcastic-Hogwarts-teacher-or-Headmistress-of-Massachusetts-Academy characters must have The Voice. I'm capitalising it. And I have no idea why I keep rooting for the older, learned (read: professor/headmistress) kinds. Hmm.

Blast. Supposed to be doing Stats now. Duh. Half an hour more to go before I need to leave. Joy.

And my exam starts in oh, less than ten days.

Gushingly glad we had this opportunity chat.

207

2010-11-20T21:08:00.002+08:00

So my hands are really shaking a bit due to the excessive amounts of caffeine I'd just ingested so if there are any typo errors, do forgive them.

Mocks are next week and I really haven't done much studying. Shocking I know. And I'm slacking. But like I mentioned in my journal, there is nothing more on the subject that I can say except that I will study harder and do better. Not, study hard and do well. I'm already studying hard (more or less, since we're having weekly tests) but I will study harder, since I badly want to do so well for this second semester, which can make or break me. Melodramatic much? I hear you say, but it is this melodrama that makes me actually sit up, because I know I can do better, as long as I put my mind to it.

Went out to Tesco today, got sidetracked by the Uniball Signo 207 pen which I bought on a whim (despite it being RM 4.90, which I thought was a bit pricey for a pen, but my sis mentioned that she got her Uniball for RM 6 plus at Popular bookstore so this is cheap in comparison) but which again, just like the Pilot Frixion Erasable Pen (RM 5.90, and I only got it for about several months before I realised I'd never use it and then it got itself broken, though I might have made it worse), I wa really disappointed. It was smooth, sure, but the ink was a bit too blue. Obviously, it was a blue pen, but the shade of blue was to the point that, written next to my existing G1 blue pen (which I consider to be the best pen I'd ever used), it made the dark blue ink of my G1 look purple.

Yeah, no kidding. Purple.

So now I know, don't buy pens on a whim. Though it will probably happen again (I'm easily seduced by stationery and books) but now I know better. Research, research, research.

Anyway, yesterday right after class, my dad bought me to NAZA, where we checked out some cars and I fell in love with the Chevrolet Cruze. My dad's (well, mum's, actually, but she doesn't drive it anymore and so my dad took over) Chevrolet Optra is the car I actually admired since it's really spacious in the back (that I can easily stretch out without issue) and it's a really nice, heavy car to drive. But the Chevy Cruze was lovely. Nothing else can properly describe it. They had a black Cruze in the showroom, and while Dad chatted with the dealer, I was running around the car, literally in car heaven.

It looked small from the outside, but it had really good leg room in the back (a must have since I've got really long legs) and the driver's seat was lovely. The doors were heavy, but it had a good solid feel to it. It even had a thingy so that you could drive auto or manual, however you like.

It had wooden panelling along the doors and the dashboard, and the speedometer area was done in such a way that my dad said it resembled that of a sports car. The front passenger's place was lovely, but the glove compartment was half the size of that in my Chevy Optra. The boot was geniusly large. Really, I told Dad that I could easily hide a whole body (maybe two) in the boot without issue. One thing my dad didn't like was how they placed the tools in a mould right under the point the spare tyre would be. They'd be jerked loose after a long while, he said, and it'd be a hassle to remove the spare just to get to them. However, overall it was nice. It looked so understated, so small on the outside, but when you take a look inside, it was really nice and huge. It was such a lovely car, and the shade of black was perfect.

Huh. Maybe they were right; black is slimming.

We then made a U-turn and went to the other side of the road to check out the Peugeot 207, for which we had high hopes of buying. We were sorely disappointed. The design was lovely; sleek and, for the lack of a better word, aerodynamic. But the interior designer should be shot, because it really was very cramped inside. The driver's seat was nice, but once you pushed the car back a bit to accomodate your large frame, you don't have anymore leg room. And the doors weren't solid. They felt a bit too light for me, and when closed, it made a loud THWACK sound instead of the muted THUD you get from the Chevy Cruze.

The boot was large, but what's the point when the back's not spacious enough? And I was such a big fan of Peugeot till now. Then we found out that the 207 was actually an upgrade from the Peugeot 206 hatchback. Gosh.

Afterwards we checked out the Peugeot 407. And for info's sake, people, it's pronounced Poo-zjeo. The second syllable is a bit French accent-y (Duh, it's a French car!) so it's kinda like poo-ju-oh? Something like that. Because some of the people I know (who don't know cars, so I can hardly blame them) pronounce it Malaysian-style: Pew-G-ot. Yeah.

Onward to the 407. It was marginally better than the 207, but it hadn't really regained my confidence back to the French, so looks like I have to stop dreaming of owning a 607 for now. One problem I had with the 407 was that the gear stick was on the other side of the middle bit, meaning it was right next to the passenger's seat. Not a problem ordinarily, but the middle compartment/arm rest was jutting out too much that I literally had to reach over just to grip the gear stick. Like Chris said, not really a bother, since it's automatic, but I'd rather not have it that way.

So yes, this week I let off steam by replaying the piano (which I really need to tune and fix since some of the keys stick - hey, I've had it since I was fix? six?) and I managed to figure out by ear the beginning and main bit of The Battle Narnia, and I'm working on it. Also, I've been rewatching King Arthur (with Clive Owen an Keira Knightley) and I got so inspired by that and Merlin that I've finally figured out a simple but elegant design for my own coat of arms. (The previous ones were equally dashing but had too much detail on them - I'd been focusing too much on having so many royal standards that I lost sight of what I really wanted it to be) and I've been looking for tutorials online on how to draw mythical creatures due to that. So yes, I'm sketching again.

My hands are much too jittery for me to continue typing, and I'm having a bit of problem breathing (can't imagine why, been this way throughout dinner) so I'm gonna stop here for now.

Till next time.

Red Light

2010-11-05T21:02:00.002+08:00

Well, I'm currently munching roasted chestnuts in front of the laptop, feeling frustrated because I was supposed to do my Chem Unit 3B as well as my Stats homework and past year question, as well as study for my electric field test on Thursday, but I woke up late today to a really nice American breakfast of eggs, sausages and beans. Went out for lunch at this really nice curry fish head place, came back feeling exhausted, so I only did my Chem homework (not the 3B though) and promptly feel asleep.

Had every intention of waking up half an hour later, but really, I actually woke up 2 hours ago, at seven in the evening. Yep, shows you how exhausted I am. And since I woke up late, and no one made dinner, the chestnuts mentioned above became it. That and a small slice of brownie.

Throat is perpetually sore, and have to keep clearing my throat every now and then. Voice changed a bit, especially during the first couple of days, and since it hurts too much to talk then, it's become deeper by a hint, though it'll probably wear off once I'm healed.

And Malese Jow rocks! Anna from Vampire Diaries anyone? For male vamps, I support Team Damon, but for females, I got for Team ANNA! Seriously, they shouldn't have killed her off. Her single, Red Light is fair. Catchy, in a disco dance sort of way, but "You Left Me In The Air" strikes a chord with me better than Red Light. The latter has a catchier title though. So go listen!!!

From Crawling To Walking To Running, We Move Upwards And Outwards Until We Die.

2010-10-05T16:47:00.002+08:00

As a natural process of life, we fall in and out of things. We grow into some habits, and fall out of others. Undeniably, the most common phrase is, "We fall in love, we fall out of love," or something to that effect. This is just a short introduction for the main point of my post today: Falling Out of Love.

With Chemistry.

Dude, what did you expect?

The story starts way back when I was a kid. Constantly curious, always wanting to know why, poking her head into everything. Once I jammed the lock in the store room with a bit of wire because I wanted to learn how to pick a lock but the wire I had was slightly too thick. So the whole world came crashing down and it took my dad a couple of hours to get the door all fixed up.

And I read. A lot. Anything and everything I could find. From the ailments and sicknesses a toddler to get (I found a very informative book with lots of pretty pictures and diagrams) to Reader's Digest and all that sort of educational thing. And I watched a lot of TV. Whoever said kids can't learn anything by staring at the idiot box is either an idiot...or he's just jealous that he doesn't own one. Because most of what I've learnt about forensics, hypnosis, basically, the basis of my scientific and general knowledge came from two sources: Books and TV. I learned about thermite way before they taught us this in Form 5. I learned about DNA. And what I couldn't get from the TV or books I got from the Internet.

Naturally, it seems fitting that I go into science. And I loved every bit of it. Science explains everything so wonderfully. It's kind of like, you never truly see the potential of something until it's explained to you scientifically. It's when your eyes start to open and you go, "Hey...that's right."

Of all 3 sciences they taught us, Chemistry was my favourite. It was a combination of memory andhands on processes, and I loved it. I already had an ingrained sense of love towards science, and I didn't like Chemistry because the teacher was good, or because I like the teacher. No, I liked it because Chemistry opened my eyes to a whole new dimension.

When we came to college, the first thing they told us was that we could not memorise, we had to understand. And I believed in what they said, and I agreed wholeheartedly. So I sought to do the best I could.

What a fool I was.

This semester, the workload increased. I get that, it was expected. Nothing I couldn't handle. But then the lecturer started bombarding questions at us, and when we didn't answer, boy, did she get into a whole lot of shelling. It's moments like this that make me dread going into that class, my favourite class, because I simply don't know when I'm going to get chewed out and be made to look like a fool in front of everyone else.

The fact that the lecturer in question is strict partly contributes to the matter. My class does Chemistry homework and we go all frantic over it, because we're afraid that she's going to kill us if we didn't finish our homework. And I hate that, because I'm doing homework not because I want to challenge myself, or because I truly love the subject (yeah, I happen to like doing homework) but I do it out of fear.

Fear.

I can't believe what I'm saying but it's true. I do my homework partly out of fear.

And is that the way to go? We're all scared and bullied into doing exercises, and no doubt, it's beneficial to us in the long run, but I can't remember how long ago when I used to do a couple of pages extra, out of my own choice, because I was truly on a run. And this sickens me because I'm near killing myself studying for Chemistry so that I can answer her questions and not incur her wrath on me, and I don't even like her that much. And I can't even be bothered to study ahead for Biology, which has turned into one of my favourite classes to go even though the material is boring, because the lecturer is extremely cool and fun. He makes everything so accessible and come to life. And I really enjoy his classes; I'd feel so guilty that I didn't do his work when I respect him that much. The only motivation I have to do well in my next exams is that, with his teachings, I managed to get an extremely high score for Biology, even higher than Chem, and I want to excel that score for this coming exams, because I want to see that look of pride on his face, to know that I am where I am thanks to him.

And no, this isn't an ode of love to my biology teacher. I don't do student-lecturer relationships.

I don't believe that this applies to me only. Everywhere I look I see that we are going more and more lax. The eager-to-please students from Semester 1 have all but disappeared. We used to ask so many questions, used to have so much fun in studying. Now, we are all shells of our former selves.

And that thing about not memorising? Yeah, turns out that we were yelled at for not having the information at our fingertips, that we needed to understand, not memorise. Sorry to burst your bubble, sweetheart, but we need memory work as well, yeah? What's the point of understanding the concept if you can't remember what you were supposed to understand?

If my self-censor hadn't been kicked into place a while back, I would have been so tempted to end this with a "Screw you."

Of Cats and Ostrich Worms

2010-09-24T16:04:00.002+08:00

So the baptism was over and such. Overall, minus the fact that I had mild chlorine allergies, it was more fun than I expected. Had a good old jaw with the cousins, and have a remarkable time throwing my youngest cousin (who celebrated her birthday on that day as well) into the swimming pool several times as a form of "dunking".

Have been having an OK time in college lately, and my sis got a new laptop, which is really cool and nice...Healthwise, my ear kinda hurts a bit, but I think it'll be over soon. Bio, particularly, was the only class in which we traded barbed insults and jokes. Seriously, at the beginning of semester 1, Mr Low was really shy and unsure about joking around with us, but this sem, I think he's gotten used to our class and thanks to our influence (ahem!) he's getting more and more sarcastic in that funny, bumbling, Mr Low way.

Some examples:

In biology, the last class, we were doing Species and Evolution, which sounds fascinating but can get really confusing if you zone out half way. So Mr Low was talking about genus, and species and how the definition of species is a group of organisms that can interbreed to produce fertile offspring, keyword being fertile. And he was giving us examples.

"...Two different species cannot interbreed to form fertile offspring....Check if, let's say, this tiger and an African tiger -- wait, there is no African tiger!" (It's true, google it. No current tigers in Africa, but fossils state tha sabre-tooth tigers lived there once upon a time.)

And then today, he was going through the whole biodiversity thing with us, where he was talking about different techniques for measuring biodiversity in a habitat, such as quadrat sampling and the capture-mark-recapture technique. So he asked the class in general if we ever did the CMR technique.

All of us gave an unsure, "Uh....no...."

He tried to jog our memory. "I'm sure you did something basic experiment like this back in Form 4, Form 5. You know, where you take a bowl and fill it with red beans, and then you remove a handful, and you mark with or something, and your beans are," he thought a bit, "your beans are, 'Rabbits' and --"

Cat interrupted. "Ha! Beans that hop!" And she mimicked a bean jumping around and the whole class burst into laughter and Kerrine was looking at Cat, with the look on her face that clearly spelt out "LAME".

Mr Low continued, trying to hold in his laughter; failed. "Then you put the handful of beans back into the bowl, and then you mix it around, to mean that your 'rabbits' are mixing around amidst the population." For some reason, everyone laughed at this. "And then you grab another handful, and you count how many beans are marked--"

"Oh, oh, I remember doing this experiment!" Shangeeth contributed excitedly. "Guys, don't do this experiment, you have to count all the beans, and mix it up, it's so immature lah..."

Mr Low grinned. "So I hope that since you are all, uh, mature enough, we don't have to do this experiment..."

Shan cut in again. "So what? The packet of beans is your entire population?"

This thing lasted the entire class. Mr Low was talking about crossbreeding, and how, maybe, people crossbreed different species of cows. "So let's say you have this cow that gives a lot of meat, and you have this cow that gives out a lot of milk, so you crossbreed that cow with the bull that gives out a lot of milk--"

And the whole class shouted with laughter because, really? A bull that produces milk?

Sir tried to continue. "Sorry, not bull. So you take the bull and you crossbreed it with the cow of the different species--"

"And you get a bow," Lyn commented drily. Bull + Cow = Bow (rhymes with cow)

So naturally, this thing with cows leads to the tale of how Lyn is so gullible, she fell for Shean-Woei's story about how brown cows have moustaches. And Lyn fired the "Do brown cows have moustaches?" question at Mr Low with such conviction that he hesitated a bit (because, h later explained, she seemed really confident that such a thing happened) and Lyn used his hesitation to argue the fact that see, she wasn't the only one who fell for it. And Cat commented that at least Mr Low was better than Mr Ling, the Physics teacher.

Of course, my class being the way it is, demanded to know about the whole Physics teacher thing. I was present when it actually happened, and I couldn't resist laughing when that day (which was also the day Lyn fell for the moustached brown cows story) Shean-Woei was telling us about it and she told the same thing to Mr Ling, expecting him to scoff. Instead, he gave her the reaction of the century: "Ha? Really?"

Later today in bio, Mr Low started telling us about this particular species of worm.

ML: There's a worm that buries its head in the soil...

Cat & Fi in unison: Earthworm!

ML: No, another one --

Cat & Lyn in unison: Ostrich worm!

Then, you can't just end this story without some more laughs. There was an in joke someone started during Physics when we were doing capacitors and capacitance when all of a sudden, Cat and Kerrine started laughing. Seems that Alex, being his old lame self, smirked at Cat and said one word:

Cat-pacitors.

Moving With The Beat

2010-09-10T14:34:00.005+08:00

And yes, due to immense pressure from people I know, I will abide your wishes and update my blog. It's probably going to be done in a few parts, and after you read this, there mayn't be anything left to mention in my email correspondence to the special few. And my memory's so skewed up I'm not going to bother to do stuff chronologically. In fact, I'm actualy referring to my journal to help me fill in the blanks.

Here goes.

The big news is: I'm getting baptized this coming Thursday. On Malaysia Day, which also happens to be my cousin's birthday. Yeah, all us 5 cousins are getting baptised together and our fathers get to dunk us in.

Due to that, we had to go to this Baptismal class I think on the first Saturday of the month. Woke up late, and got so worried about getting there on time to find out that we were the earliest people there. The 2-hour class finished in one hour, minly because we didn't ask questions, and we finished up quickly and went home. Spent the rest of the day in front of the idiot box.

Then, on Friday, we had a biology test later, so I was busy studying in the common room in KE since the labs (my first class was Physics lab) weren't opened yet. After a bit, I went into the girls bathroom at level one to tie my hair up properly, hot day and all. Turned around and grabbed the door knob to realised that the door wouldn't open.

Die.

So I started pulling at the stupid knob, cursing, getting severely traumatised and really really panicked. Wonder, really, that I didn't hyperventilate. Called my pal; she's still very far from HELP. And as I finished texting her, suddenly I got a text:

Oi. I'm here at KPD E. Come and get me.

Thank God my sister was there to save the day. I furiously sent off a text: I'm stuck in the toilet. Knob won't open. HELP!!! Started pacing around the cubicles, checking my watch every five seconds.....Why isn't she here yet?

After what seemed like eternity, my sis came and rescued me. I am free! And for the next ten minutes or so, I watched in undeniable pleasure and childish delight as girl after girl walked into the bathroom and get themselves locked in. The fun ended when I had to go to the lab.

Lab was over pretty quick, just a couple of practicals. Then we headed off to Wisma Help for the Bio test. Seems that our classroom had been used as an exam hall, so all the tables and chairs were in that exam hall seating. The moment we entered though, someon started crying for the tables and chairs to be rearranged. "We don't want Mr Low to remember that he gave us a test today," was the reasoning since Mr Low had set our test way back before the hols, "so everyone, let's rearrange the tables. Someone, rub the white board. Afterwards if he see the 'Law Exam' notice on the board he'll remember!"

To me it was pretty stupid. I mean, it's a test, yeah? So what's the big deal? We'll probably need to sit in alternate positions anyway. I ignored them, and sat right in front of the teacher's table. All around me, everyone was bustling into action. People were busy rearranging the furniture, but since we didn't really bother about the arrangements, it ended up with all the furniture being pushed and crowded against the left side of the room, leaving the right extremely empty.

"Hey, Ely. Come lah, move your table!"

Me, indignant. "Why? We're gonn have to move it back later anyway. What if the next class coming in for exam wants to use it?"

"Then we'll rearrange lah!"

Suit yourself. I'm not going anyway. In the end I was overruled and they pushed my table to the side.

No use anyway. Mr Low came in, raised a bemused eyebrow at the oddly skewed arrangement of the class, and with a lot of sarcasm and logic reasoning, managed to "persuade" us - more of politely ordering us - to rearrange the furniture back to the way it was before we had our exam. And then since we'd totally forgotten how the arrangement was, Shean-Woei kept popping over to the next class to give orders on the rearranging.

Hehe. In your face.

Still Decomposing...

2010-08-25T08:13:00.002+08:00

So, third and final week of hols. Next Monday I'm to go back to class, followed by a day off due to Independence Day, and back to class again on Wednesday. Which is, frankly, terrifying, because next Thursday I've got a 20 MCQ test on Electricity for Physics, and on Friday I've got a Bio test, the whole of Topic 3.

And I'm trying to decide on what universities I want to go because we need to hand up our forms before the end of the month, and the only time we can do that is next Monday (30th August). A bit late minute as usual, but hey, we've been on holiday. What to do? Frankly, I think it's really unnecessary, because we can easily get the information directly instead of going through all the hassle of dealing with HELP as the middleman.

Ben's party on Saturday was extremely fun once we got going. At first, it was a bit awkward since I was the only girl there (yeah, all my girlfriends ditched me last minute - more or less) but Ben was extremely attentive to me and so was Chris, who had very graciously stayed by my side to ensure I wasn't too lonely before he had to leave to pick up Tarvinder. Thanks, guys.

But when Ben's pal, Nicholas Kurt arrived, everything seemed a bit brighter. I think that's partly due to his personality; he's got that kind of attitude where he could easily ease the awkwardness I've been feeling. And when we started playing on the piano together and singing, that was when I acually felt fun! And during dinner, he kept regaling my table with tales of teachers back in Taman SEA (incidentally, he's doing Form 6 in my old school) and made us laugh with his impressions. Even Montri, our old classmate currently studying hospitality in KDU and Kurt's so-called twin brother, contributed a bit when he told us the story of being mistaken due to his skin colour (he's half Chinese, half Thai): He went to order char siew fan (roasted BBQ pork rice) and the lady mistook him for a Malay and asked, "Kau boleh makan ke?" (Are you sure you eat that?)

Admittedly, the party was good overall (loved the herb-roasted potatoes and the satay) and the cake was lovely, but there were some low points as well. A pal of mine was acting off during the whole time and for a moment I briefly wondered if I had been the offending party. Later I realised that it wasn't completely my fault (though it was somewhat related to me) but I couldn't help feeling guilty.

Oh, and I got my May/June 2010 results. Not bad, not bad, but I could've done better. During our lunch before Ben's party (with me, Ben and Chris) I was telling them about my results and they were a bit stunned, I think, that I still thought it wasn't good enough. Then dear, dear Ben, who is absolutely the person who knows my character the best despite not really chatting with me much during this whole time, summarised it up in one sentence. "She's never satisfied until she gets full marks lah."

How true is that!

I Define My Life By Fictional Characters Who Kick Ass And Steal The Show

2010-08-19T14:53:00.002+08:00

You'll always have me, but whether I'll have you in return remains to be seen.

Angsty music playing on, right now I'm listening to The Used. Lots of screaming, yelling, basically eardrum-bursting noise. Something that, despite my not too bad results, I need desperately.

Today is Ben and Shar's birthday, and going through their Facebook, I suddenly asked myself a question, "Why is it during someone's birthday, loads of people write them birthday wishes, but in real life, most of them aren't really people you keep in contact with?" Think about it. The only reason why people post birthday wishes for an individual is because of the fb notification, isn't it?

I get it, utterly depressing post and all that, but I can't help feeling drained. I bet even Chris is feeling the same; both of us running up and down to make Ben's party perfect. It's Ben, you know. The same Ben that cheers me up effortlessly. Ben's going off to Russia.

I think my results were alright. I'm not sure, though. I want to know what grade I got but all they're giving me is the UMS. I talked to Shar and she thinks I might have an A but I'm not sure. And it's that not knowing that bugs me. Because there is a very thin line between an A and a B. I think.

I don't write anymore.

I can't imagine why.

My head is filled to the brim of stories and tales, just begging to be told, but I am afraid of being cliched, afraid of losing my muse. It happens all the time; I get excited about something, an idea, the beginnings of a new adventure, and then, when I try to write, it falls to pieces. Maybe I shouldn't think so much, maybe I should stop reading so much into things, but I sit in front of the computer or I stare at a blank sheet of foolscap and I just...freeze.

Okay, this next piece was done a few year back, a little project Lou and I had been working on. We were planning a Girls Night Out sort of thing, and also a Party Prom thing because we weren't going to prom and we'd thought we have a prom thingy at Lou's place and Lou was trying to sketch out the different outfits we'd be wearing. So this is what happened over the course of several hours of phone calls:

For Party Prom (since GNO is just a night out and don't requir fancy stuff):

The theme is Red! Used to be purple, but now it's red.

Elyssia - Long Sleeve dress shirt (white/pinstripe), vest (black), red skinny tie (loosely - I feel like a dog wearing a lease), tailored pants (black), shiny tap-dancing shoes, black fedora with red ribbon (I wanted a bowler hat like Keira Knightley's in the Coco Chanel Mademoiselle ad but Lou was designing my outfit. Strangely I thought she'd given me a dress), puzzle locket wth long fine chain, white walking stick.
Inspiration: Dancer

Lou - Silver strappy heels, red dress (I cancelled out burgandy/wine red multiple times in my notebook), knee length, lightly flared around knees, glittery bits (I have no idea what this meant now).
Inspiration: Prom Queen

Gloria - White tube dress (short), sienna coloured wooden heels (wedges, I think), red flowers in hair, chunky bracelets (multiple).
Strangely enough my inspiration for her was a cocktail hostess, like she invited us to her place for cocktails and she's wearing that sort of outfit. Dunno why, that's how I see her.

Chiau - Bowler hat, red ribbon, red suspenders (Lou's idea) white tailored shirt, shiny shoes, Oakley sunnies (apparently she was supposed to be mod hip hop, whatever that is).

Karis - Backless, gold chain at the toe, wine red, god shoes, chandelier earrings. I think we took her to be the Greek goddess type.

Wendy - Happily ever after style (I can't believe I actually wrote that), sheer, empire waist, sleeveless tube dress, black/red ribbon choker, red peek toe shoes. Oh wait, apparently she's supposed to be a goddess as well.

I'm now very confused.

Holidays - Day 3

2010-08-11T12:55:00.002+08:00

Well people!

It's Day 3 of my three-weeks mid semester break, and I'm currently bummed out at home, decomposing in front of the computer after trying, very unsuccessfully, to study Physics: Electricity for my after hols test. Why am I studying so hard? You might ask. Well, I like to get things done out of the way, so I can finish my To-Do List in this week and left the rest of the time to do...well, what, exactly, I have no idea, but I think I'll probaby repeat my To-Do List? It's kinda like when you get stuff finished to do your other irrelevant stuff and realised that they were the stuff you've already done?

No making sense? Yeah, me too.

I am incredibly mad at Blogger because I'd just typed out a super nice entry about my week so far and due to some incredibly heart-jerking experience (I accidentally pressed Ctrl and the dash and almost screamed as I watched the page shrink; Ctrl + to enlarge) I accidentally left the page hence nothing is saved.

Anyway, as I was saying before the heart-attack inducing moment, I've got lots of stuff to do: Start another Merlin marathon, for one - Don't ask; it's a holiday ritual - and actually understand what dear Colin Morgan is saying when he does the spells, thanks to this cool website where they have all the translations. Besides, I miss seeing Katie McGrath (Freakdog, anyone? Also called Red Mist) and her chemistry with Emilia Fox, both of whom are utterly adorable! Yes, call me obsessed. But they're hot. And brilliant at acting.

Also, I need to start looking for Universities to apply to so I can start next September right after my A Levels. It's extremely horrible to sift through tons of webpage information that don't really help, not to mention that it's hard to find colleges that offer the course I want done locally but with an overseas degree. Yes, I'm picky, I know.

The only good thing so far is that I now have time to exercise and eat healthy. Seriously, I've devoured a whole plastic carton of both fresh apricots and strawberries over the course of the past couple of days. Alone. Hey, it was lying in the fridge and no one was eating it and I was hungry...

The free time also gives me a chance to properly do laundry the way I like it. Call me domestic, but I actually enjoy folding clothes and stuff. The only requirement is that I fold them the way I like to so that it doesn't crease and all. I'm really OCD on that, and hand washing, and doing things in general.

But now I've got a problem. Ben's leaving for Russia in one month plus time so we're planning a going-away party for him this weekend to coincident with an early birthday thing. The thing is we don't know where to put the venue (preferably somewhere near everyone can go to) and what to get for his birthday. So let me know if you have an idea about it.

Happy Birthday

2010-07-31T19:09:00.002+08:00

First of all,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY EMILIA FOX!!

Yes, the only reason why I actually cared to sign in and blog today was because it was Emilia Fox's birthday. If you don' know who she is, Google Morgause from Merlin. Seriously, she and Katie McGrath have got such brilliant sibling chemistry together in that show.

As such, it is totally in her honour that I am playing backgammon, a ridiculously difficult game to comprehend unless you go to Youtube and look for MonkeySee videos. (I think so, something about monkeys anyway). It was there that I finally figured out what backgammon was all about and I'm really starting to enjoy it. I've been playing it online since March this year, but only recently I've got the time to actually come online and play it again. Bother my laptop. Something's gone wonky so I have to backspace every now and then to remove my typos.

So it is here that I am eating my dinner, playing backgammon and listening to Madeline Peyroux's Half the Perfect World, which is really good jazz might I say. And I'm having fun. I'm 52 points ahead while my opponent (the computer) is 102. Really, if it weren't for that interview where Emilia said she was good in backgammon, I wouldn't have discovered this cool game. I mean, how many teenagers you know plays backgammon? They probably don't know what it is.

And I won!!

And I've realised that I've not been very sociable lately. Sorry, it's just that things pop up at times. My Chem teacher has postponed class due to an emergency and so we have to replace it at an awkward time (2-4 pm) Really we just want to go home. But what to do? It's chem. And the list for out mentors/academic advisors were out on Friday, so after Bio class at Wisma HELP we walked all the way back to KPD E, speculating as to who would be our mentor. Considering that most of my class wanted to do medicine or dentistry, I was guessing that 99% of the class's mentor would be Chem teacher Ms Kana.

I was spot on.

I didn't really mind. Since I wanted to do either biotechnology or biochemistry (always did like chemistry) - Never medicine, thank God! - I was banking on either Mr Low (bio teacher) or Ms Kana to be our mentor. Because I wasn't interested in engineering at all (there goes the Physics teacher) and it makes absolutely no sense for a Maths teacher to be your advisor when you want to do biotech (Bye, Ms Tan!) it was down to Mr Low or Ms Kana.

Figures, really.

Zhi Sim wanted Mr Low because he was so adorable and approachable, but strangely enough, her name wasn't on the list hence she couldn't find out who her mentor was. Weird. Some people's names were also missing. So far the only one I know whose mentor was not Ms Kana is Chew Yongxian, who plans to take engineering hence Mr Ling (Phy) as his mentor.

Really curious to see who the troublemakers in my class got as their mentor.

Cheers.

Biology Class

2010-07-16T22:26:00.002+08:00

I've been leaving the blog more dead than alive for the past several weeks. I sincerely apologize to the few who have been checking in regularly but I don't have much to talk about.

The only thing that I found worth talking about was today in Biology class. Mr Low was projecting on the screen a coloured chart of the male reproductive organ from front and side views. Hey, we were studying sexual reproduction.

So he was pointing out the different processes that occured in the testes, seminiferous tubules etc when Ronnie pulled a look and said, "Yer. Disgusting!"

And of all the replies we thought Sir was use, this was the most unexpected.

"Why disgusting? So colourful what."

Insane

2010-07-04T20:45:00.002+08:00

I am feeling undeniably sick.

There's this weird feeling that an axe is looming right above my head, waiting for the right moment to fall. I feel anxious, weak to my knees, panicked enough to wring my hands over and over again.

It's so strange. There are people who feel normal when faced with the exact same situation; others who feel worried but are determined to be confident and brave. These people reassure me, telling me that it's going to be alright.

But I can't bring myself to believe it. I guess it's because I want to pass this so strongly that anything, anything at all, bearing the slightest resemblence to defeat abhors me. That's the way I see things, you could say. It's either all or nothing with me. Pass with flying colours, or else. There is no middle ground. This strange feeling is causing me to be worried over the smallest things, thanks to my perfectionism issues.

The thing about this weird death warning:

It's just my driving test tomorrow.

No pressure, right?

In Which I Was Enamoured With Prince Tus Than Prince Dastan

2010-06-28T17:21:00.002+08:00

Yes, in case you didn't know, I prefer older brother Tus than Dastan from Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time.

Yep, went to watch it just now. Had a couple of free tickets so Dad and I went all the way to Mid Valley Megamall (Just because GSC 1 Utama is not on the list of GSCs where the ticket was applicable and the only one with PoP was MVM) to catch the 1.45pm show. Just in time, since we left the house at 12 something, reached at one pm, spent fifteen minutes searching for a parking spot, and by the time we were lining up it was almost one thirty.

Really, I forgot how much I hate lining up for tickets because the queue was absolutely long and it was seriously claustrophobic. Suddenly we heard over the loudspeaker: "All patrons who want to buy tickets for the following movies, please go to the Gold Counter." Then they rattled out a whole list of movies and I was waiting for them to say PoP: TSoT.

And then...

"....Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time, normal..."

and I stopped listening, dashed off to the counter at the opposite end, following the footsteps of another guy in a white shirt. Unfortunately we ended up at the booking/reservations counter, where the guy kindly pointed us to the opposite direction. Whereupon I dashed over to the other side again, followed quickly by my dad (who later admitted that he hadn't been listening to the announcement and was just chasing me around) and got into line as I explained to dad what the announcement said.

Indeed, I think not many people were listening to the speaker because it took them quite a while (long enough for the earlier white shirt guy to dash behind us) to start exiting the queue and lining up behind our line.

As a result, we got our tickets with ten minutes to spare while the other people had to continue waiting.

Moral of the story? Listen to the announcements.

The movie was superb. The plot was quite decent, but Dad and I were watching it only for the parkour scenes. Seriously, I'm really keen to pick it up. It's a very decent sport. Besides, I always liked the idea of jumping around and running on rooftops. Sounds very....Zorro-ish.

Jake Gyllenhaal (?) was surprisingly OK as Dastan. The fighting/parkour scenes were cool, but must've been very taxing. I liked Prince Tus very much. So maybe I've got a thing for manly, warrior guys with longish hair. They look better with a long mane as scruffy, grimy warriors but they appear effeminine when they're in modern day tuxedoes and stuff right? Unless you tie it up and get a small beard and whatnot.

The only one I didn't like in the movie was Princess Tamina. Sure, her one-liners were witty (Thank you, scriptwriters) but there's something about her that bugs me quite a bit. And it's often a big disappointment where the script goes, "...And they say the Princess/Queen/High Priestess/etc is the most beautiful woman in the land" but when the actress appears, I get that sinking feeling in my stomach as my inner voice goes, Where's the beautiful princess?

Don't get me wrong; Gemma is a brilliant actress in her own right, I'm sure. She's just not one of my favourites, sorry.

Anyway, since we have 2 more free tickets (yes, guys. I have a total of 4 free tickets) Dad and I were planning to catch another movie tomorrow. Maybe Karate Kid? I don't particularly like Jaden Smith but I do like the fighting. Yes, this is a girl who actually like swords and blood and gore and stuff. Believe me, I seriously like Perfume: The Story of a Murderer (even though I haven't actually finished it yet - the beginning part was good enough to entice me in. Lend me, anyone?) even though my two male friends who'd watched the movie half-way said they had to stop due to the excessive amount of gore even in the first scene.

Hey, I'm not like other girls.

Writer's Block Ends Up Pretty Productive

2010-06-03T17:12:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, my head comes up with the most amazing questions. All of which I have yet to find an answer for.

Such as, if you pour alcohol out of a bottle, and while it's flowing out, you light the stream of liquid? My mind always wonders if the alcohol would catch fire, and since it's flammable, would the fire travel upward into the bottle since there is still some left inside? And then I wonder, would the bottle explode? It's something I bring up in times of boredom. I start theorizing about the different ways this could happen, until I asked a pal of mine and he told me, matter-of-factly, that alcohol in liquid form won't burn.

And sometimes I wonder what the heck's wrong with words. Blood contains haemoglobin, which is iron. So naturally if you bit your lip and taste blood it'd taste like iron, yeah? Why then, does every other story I read (guilty of commiting the same crime myself) describe it as "coppery?" It hardly tastes like copper, does it?

I am p.o.'ed.

Really.

Just got a call from my driving instructor. My ex-driving instructor, may I specify. A couple of weeks ago I postponed my lessons on Sat and Sun because I was having my A Levels exams. The fella sounded alright at the time, so I thought, OK. Don't have to worry about driving in between exams. So I asked if we could have the lessons the week after, when I've finished majority of my exams. He says he's on holiday then. I think I got the wth? Driving instructors have holidays? look on my face when he said that.

So we settled that when my exams were over, sometime in June, I'd call him up and arrange for me. That's exactly what I did, the first working day after my exams, which happened to be this Monday. He replied that he's still on holiday and won't get his teaching schedule till Thursday which just happens to be today. It's OK, I can still handle it. But I was getting seriously fed up of talking to him. For one, he's a Chinese fella who can't speak proper English and hence, I have no bloody idea what the heck he's saying half the time. Secondly, when I do stuff wrong, he acts as though it's all my fault (which is technically true but hey, I've only started driving, what, a couple times? Dude, you think I wanna mess this up?) And third, he smokes. Teaching me to drive, he smokes. Teaching me to park, he smokes. (OK, so he's got a great technique on how to park, but dude, that's probably his only redeeming factor.)

As a result, I asked my dad to talk to him instead. So Dad gamely does it while I run out for ice cream, and I come back to the car to see he's visibly frustrated because he's trying to explain to the fella that he's the father of Yours Truly (not gonna put my name up here) -- that's the other thing. It takes close to three minutes to explain who I am because he doesn't get my name that well and all.

Sorry, cantonese subtitles suck like hell.

"Peing kor?" (Who is it?)

"Hello, Ah ..... I'm (insert my name)." Yes, I used English.

"Meh wah?" (What was that)

In exasperation. "Ngor hai (insert my name). Lei gao zhar che kor zhek lui zai.* Sorry lah, my canto sucks terribly. I understand better than I speak. I sound like some ang mo. Faltering canto. * Basically translates to "I am...... The girl you taught driving to."

"Pin zhek?" (Which one? God, does he not remember the klutz who killed the engine multiply times?)

"Menjalara kor zhek." (The one from Menjarala)

"Meh wah?" (What's that?)

Exhale. Inhale. "Menjalara kor zhek lui zai." (The girl from Menjalara)

Silence. Then..

"Oh! Men zha la ra gor zhek lui zai!" (Yes, he pronounces it Men zha la ra. Chinese accent lah. Took him so bloody long.)

By this time I'm yelling at the phone even though I prefer taking calls politely without raising my voice (don't you just hate the way people practically scream into the phone and the other fella on the line screams back with equal loudness that you can listen in if you just concentrate?) but when I speak with him I feel like commiting murder.

And this happens every single bloody time I pick up the phone and dial his number.

Back to the story. Dad is trying to explain that he's calling to confirm my lessons that weekend. Then the fella says that he doesn't have any free slots this week and wants me to postpone it to next week, I think? Understandably, Dad gets upset at this because my lessons have been postponing for a few weeks already and if it gets any longer, I may forget all that I've learned. So Dad gets p.o.'ed, and he hangs up, and calls Metro instead to arrange for someone else to teach me.

Then me and my big mouth mentioned casually that my pal had Mr Lee who is good (sadly, the good one is Mr Cheong who left. Mr Lee is the impatient one. Hope I'm not putting my head on the chopping block here. :/ ) So Dad asked for Mr Lee. Then there was another big hoo hah about the time and dates because apparently Mr Lee does not teach on Sundays or something like that so after much debating (In which my dad kept muttering, "Let's not talk anymore. Let's just settle this.") my lessons are on Sat, Sat and Sun. Sats are in the evening while Sun is crazy ass early in the morning which means I need to wake up before dawn, go for my 2 hour lesson and then church and hopefully do the test the next day. Dad was pissed when he finally got everything done.

Then at roughly two minutes before I started ranting about my driving in this post, the fella called and told me Dad had called him (yeah, like I didn't know. I asked him to call, remember? I was present during the call.) So he went on about how this weekend couldn't work out and I mentioned, Hey, dude, my dad's getting me a new teach so don't worry about anything alright? Not the exact words I used (Canto, anyone?) but I was already incredibly annoyed by this time so yeah.

He then asked, Oh? Your dad called the Metro already? (Yep, people, Metro is the driving school). So I answered, Affirmative, soldier. Or something to that point. I thought he'd be cool with that. Turns out, he goes around then saying that he arranges the slots for me, but then I didn't want them (hey! I let you know in advance!) and how I'm supposed to call him to arrange but didn't (Dude! I did! You didn't have your schedule. What can I do?) and now that he's got slots for me next week I don't want to go. Then he hangs up. Abruptly.

Gosh, this whole driving thing is seriously driving me nuts!

Thankfully, Dad was of the same mind (that the driving instructor was nuts) and he said, "It's alright. Let's just get it over with. Prepare you for real life."

Go, Dad!

Finis.

With All We Used To Have

2010-06-02T21:41:00.002+08:00

It's times like this I wish I can write sensibly.

Not that everything I'm currently writing is nonsensical, nor is everything I'm writing a complete and utter shit. It seems to me...that I type better than I write.

I try writing stories on paper, and they look bittersweet. Sweet, because the plot is lovely, but bitter because my handwriting isn't exactly the neatest. I can fix that though; it's what to write about that causes a bit of a block.

I've tried and failed, many times, to keep a journal. Not a diary; I loath writing "Dear Diary." It's a bit too...girl for me, and I hated nothing more than to be a girly girl. A journal it is, then. But the simple fact still remains that I'll probably never keep one, which is sad because I'm seeing so many notebooks that look just pretty, but I can never bring myself to buy one because I know they'll eventually go to waste.

The reason why I can never keep a journal is because I am only tempted to write in it when I have something profound and lovely to write about, or when I'm pissed off and mad and need to let off some steam. Unfortunately, the latter is more likely, and they never end up well. I still remember cleaning out my shelves the other time, and I remembered vividly how much I cringed when I reread a single entry about how I was mad at the world. It wasn't that it wasn't passionate enough; it just felt, weird? Childish? The words I used...so plain, so commonplace. I lashed out, and it was terrible, reading it again. Once more I felt like the strange kid with so much anger.

The fact that my handwriting wasn't exactly top-notch ruined it even more.

I have always envied the way people can stick to a diary or a journal for more than a month. It just feels to me that it's such a bother to write about daily feelings and all that. I much prefer to keep it all in my head, relive them. There was always this fear that if I ever wrote a diary, someone would one day find it out and read it. You'd probably think it be no big deal, but you have no idea how violated it feels.

A mate of mine used to write journals which she'd then send to me to read, kind of our little way to keep in touch. At first, I thought it was cool. I'd get to be updated on her life, and I'd get to see inside her head. Curiosity is always my biggest vice; there's always something inside my head that demanded for answers. How does it work? Why do we do this? Why does this happen? As more and more inadequate replies are given to me, I finally gave it up. I kept on asking questions, but instead of relying on others, I figured the only way I'd understand is if I do my own research. So I learn. So I know. It's probably one of the reasons why I rely more on my hands and myself and what I can do instead of on other people, even when I'm supposed to.

But I digress. (Which is weird because I never truly got what "digress" actually meant. Oh, it actually means to turn aside from a particular topic.)

So I read. And it was cool, for a while. Then as things started getting more and more personal, it felt as though I was violating her privacy, even though she'd handed me the journals with her permission to read them. In case you didn't know, I'm a really private person. It bugged me constantly, because if I already felt violated reading her deepest thoughts and feelings, how much more so, then, would I feel if someone had read mine?

Needless to say, after the first or second time of reading her journals, I completely stopped going through them for the remaining month or so before I returned them. It just felt wrong, is all.

Hey, you.

It's been a while since we chatted. I'm sorry, but it seems to me that, after a while, after we've exhausted everything, after everything that needs to be said and done has been said and done, I feel like there's nothing left. That there's this void that needs to be forded for something else to happen, for another topic of conversation to come up. Which will never happen the way you want it to.

It scares me a little that I feel strange in the beginning, when we didn't talk that much anymore. At first I thought that it's shifted, this whole thing. Then I realised that I was getting bored of everything. I'm sorry, but it's the truth. After we've done it all I feel the startings of boredom, suffocating me deeply. Or maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm so used to the way you were always there that it's becoming routine.

Finis.

Bloody Annoying

2010-05-25T21:08:00.003+08:00

Maths was cool.

Biology was bloody annoying. Say that in a British accent. Bloody annoying.

Really you have no idea how much.

Let's talk about Maths first, shall we?

Right-o.

Maths was fun. Went in. Sat down. Exam docket and pencil box on table. Calculator not allowed. As usual, Erina came in late. Forgot her pencil. Had to dash to the front for it.

Flip. First page open, Surds! Love surds. 2nd Question was, I think, dy/dx. Yes!! I love dy/dx. And the cool bit, they have the question at the top and leave the rest of the page blank. Bit of a waste, ya think? Wait till you get to question 8 onwards. Give you 3 extra blank pages.

Question number__: integration. Not bad, love questions that gave 3 marks or more for something simple. Hehe, this is fun. Scribble, cancel out a bit, but got it in the end.

Arithmetic progression! No proving Sn unfortunately, but lovely question all the same. Finished in one hour. Spent the remaining 30 minutes stoning.

Biology. Bloody annoying.

Entered about ten minutes early, bloody head invigilator can't speak proper English. So we waited..

...and waited...

...and waited...

I was tapping my foot irritably by the time 1.30 came.

"You may start now."

Went for objective first. Shite, why is everyone going to structural? OK, I'll do that too. Oooh. Heart and circulatory system. Left ventricle...aorta...

Describe the stage in cardiac cycle and give a reason why.

Hey, I've done this! It's either AS or D, and it's because the AV valves are opened. Done! Next page.

Oh, hell.

Scribble 2 words (literraly) and move on. Bugger, who's the idiot who made this paper?

Internal chant: Damn, damn, bugger, shite!

Aw, crap. Guess X-Files was right after all. They really are out to get us.

Long story short, it was a awesomely hard to do paper.

I'm just not in the mood tonight.

Finis.

I Hate Being Sick During Exams.

2010-05-21T22:25:00.003+08:00

I'm finding it hard to not get caught up in the excitement.

Hurdle number 1 has been passed successfully.

But there are still 4 more hurdles to overcome.

The stress got to me yesterday. Came down with a flu, ate some meds and a chock lot of vitamins and supplements it's ridiculous. Slept for 8 hours, woke up at 6 just to revise Chem. Ended up rereading all my notes for the second/third time. I'm buggered.

Napped again at one. Slept till 2. Then fell asleep again during revising. Slept till 3. Woke up, got into the car (scorching hot under the sun) and fell asleep on the way to college. Got into Wisma HELP at 4. Waited for Jeya. Went up to 4th floor together. Hung out outside LT 4.4.

Stopped studying after a while. Did some catching up, and we dissed--er, I mean, discussed a certain someone we know. Got bored. Started talking crap. People started filling in. Jeya and I were panicking. She didn't study alkenes. Kept feeling tired throughout.

Inside, they asked us to turn out our pockets to show we didn't smuggle any notes inside. Shit! My penknife and torchlight was in my pocket. What would they say to that? Dashed out of my seat, ran to my bag and stuffed all those incriminating objects into my bag and dashed back into my seat. Erina gave a grin as I passed. Eldwin behind me, Erina in front, David in the other room on my right.

Handed out the paper. Invigilator went through the rules. A lady came by, I turned out my pockets for her. A pack of tissues, my spectacle cloth, my keys. Passed. Breathed a sigh of relief. Started writing my candidate number and name. Hand was shaking. Fear, adrenaline and something else coursing through me. Excitement? Maybe.

"You may begin now."

Flipped all the way to the page where the structural started. Went through the first question. Shit. Scribbled something, moved on. Went to second question. Eyes widened. Double shit. Scribble something, moved on.

Third question. Finally, something I can bloody do! That's it, that's it, take your time. You've got all the time in the world. Keep an eye on the clock. Guess that's how I became obsessed with time. One eye on the clock. Don't rush.

Next question. Good girl, take your time. There's still time. Continue, keep that pace. That's it, that's it....Next page. Yes! Jeya taught me how to do this. Thanks Jeya. Now if I can only remember what she said....

Ooh. Is that it? Structural finished so quickly. Oohkay then, objective here we go. Oh, this is nice. I like this question. And that one. Ha! I know how to do this. Oh crap. Polarisation. Which one? A? D? A? D? Okay, get back to you later. Moving on. I can do this. I can do this. Yes, yes, yes!

...Finished already? I was just starting to have fun!

Shit, half an hour left. Okay, back to the ones I skipped out. Hehe, loved drawing the dot and cross diagram of Ca 2+ ion. Oh, there's that long-assed question on the various reactions. Okay, I like this. Electrophilic addition. So's this one. Next is oxidation. Then Hydrogenation.

...Name compound X. Draw out compound 2. --- is a --------. Draw out the polymer with 2 repeating units. Haha! Easy! I love polymerisation. Next page. Ooh! Ooh! Brilliant!

Draw in displayed the mechanism for Reaction --. Hehe! Electrophilic addition. *Hums happily under breath* Checks clock. Oh shit!

"You have fifteen minutes left."

Shit, shit, shit. Bugger. Bugger. Flip flip flip. What the heck are they talking about? I don't know!!! Scribble something, cancel, cancel, scribble some more. Crapppp!!!

Flip, flip, flip. Hear ye you stupid objective question on polarisation! Which one is it!!!

Tell me now or I will destroy you!!!!!!!!

A. D. A. D. A. D.

If this keeps going on, I will get ADD, I swear it.

A. D. A. D. A. D.

Crap. Ten more minutes. Screw it! A.

Flip flip flip. Check, all my objectives are done. Flip some more. So are the structural. Go through once more just in case. Fingers are twitching in mid air as I take count of all my questions. Some habit I picked up after watching Elektra. Some OCD counting thing. I do it all the time now. Ooh, so I have OCD?

Wait. I thought I have ADD.

Oh shaddup. It's a fact I am bipolar.

Or maybe I'm just schizophrenic! Yay, I got multiple personality disorder!!!

Who bloody cares? Chem is almost over!

Okay, done. Closes the booklet. Smiles, look around, people scribbling frantically. Hehe.

Watch the clock. Watch the head invigilator watch the clock. C'mon, pal, it's just one stroke away from 7.30pm.

"Time's up! Stop writing. Check your booklet to see if you finished writing all your details!"

Oh thank God!

A rustling sound as people check through their booklet. Dump pens and pencil obsessively neatly into pencil case. Zipped it close. Then only check through booklet. Hehe.

Lady came over to pick up our papers. Said "Thank you". We must be polite. Look around. Dashed forward to get bag. Chatted with Rin. Went home.

Hungry. Want food.

Finis.

Clutch Is My New Nemesis

2010-05-08T21:39:00.002+08:00

Oh, agony of the foot and all of my extremities, thy name is CLUTCH!

Surprisingly, he let me drive on my very first lesson. On the main road. And the engine died so many times I lost count. Driving bit was okay, but the clutch was just bloody uncooperative.

Gosh. I hate the clutch.

Can't wait to drive an auto.

Smokes and Laughter

2010-05-06T16:44:00.003+08:00

I am supposed to be studying for my Biology mock tomorrow and guess what I'm doing?

Yes I'm blogging!

Got some really stupid stuff that happens in class. The kind that makes you laugh like hell.

Yesterday we were in Bio doing some questions on CHD. Naturally, there was a question where they showed a BMI chart. Underneath they asked, 'What advice should a doctor give to a patient who's BMI is over 40?'

The thing is, people, in the BMI chart, 40 is severely obese. So over 40 would have been worse than that. And after all that Biology training, we were preparing to say, 'Lose weight, do exercises, healthy diet,' when David cut in and exclaimed, 'His BMI is over 40 and that's severely obese! The only thing the doctor can say now is GO FOR A LIPOSUCTION!'

And that simply cracked everyone up.

Today was Ronnie's birthday. Now Ronnie was this fella who most of us didn't like but tolerated. He smokes and swears and is generally, a very vulgar person. But David was pals with him, so he brought up the issue when we were in Physics class. (Teach was late and half the class skipped it after finding out so it was only me, Ee Lyn, Cat, Kerrine, Shean-Woei, Jian Haw, Shweta, David, Pav and Daniel.)

'What should we get him for his birthday then?' SW asked.

David: 'We could get him a pack of smokes!'

Me: 'You're encourage him to smoke? That's gonna kill him!'

David: 'Yes, but we're all gonna contribute RM 1 each and buy him lunch. Then he can have a nice meal and some nice, branded smokes like Marlboro or something and at least it'll be worth dying for!'

SW: What does Ronnie smoke?

David: Everything!

SW: (without thinking) What, like weed or something?

David sputtered at her. 'Weed! Shean-Woei, are you trying to kill us or get us into jail?' David is very dramatic, you'll soon learn. 'Where are we going to get him WEED?'

So it went on about the pros and cons of smoking until David had an idea. 'Ok, Ronnie wants three things: Smokes, a new steering wheel and petrol money. We don't have petrol money for him, and steering wheel costs a hell lotta money, so we're going with the smokes! He'll be so pleased!'

Pause.

'I know!' Suddenly David has this really brilliant idea. 'We'll get him two packs of smokes, and wrap one up and give it to him, then we'll take the other pack, open it and stick all the smokes on top of a cake or something, so when he smokes, he'll go--' and here, David accurately mimed Ronnie smoking and getting high. '--mmhmm, this taste like chocolate cake!! *stops miming* It'll be the best birthday of his life! He'll be so pleased!' Then he starts acting up again. 'Mummy, look, they got me smokes!!!'

It mayn't seem funny but it was freaking darn hilarious when David did it. Seriously, he kinda reminds me of Sun, just in a more argumentative way.

Then Shangeeth kept having bad luck with pastries: Last time she ate a cheese tart, something happened and it fell to the floor. Today she bought 2 choc cupcakes, ate one, chatted with SW and it fell to the floor. Then at Bio she ate the second cupcake, chatted with Pav and it dropped to the floor.

I'm seeing a pattern here.

And Cat was amusing the way she had to fend out exclaimations over the plaster on her forehead that she said she got it when she slammed her head on the table in exasperation too hard.

The Beginning of Paravel [Part 1]

2010-05-02T14:34:00.006+08:00

For the first time in a couple of weeks, I finally checked out my Facebook. Been neglecting it for a while, since I've read some scientific study how students who frequent Facebook get a lower GPA compared to those who don't. Besides, it's not like I've got any reason to use it. People hardly tag me, no one really cares about the stuff I type (not that I type a lot) so it's been living in limbo.

And usually, the first thing I do online is check my mail. So imagine my utmost surprise, when, after abandoning my Facebook for ages, I discover one and a half pages of Facebook spam. And then, after checking all the bloody hoo-hah, I realised it was because some fella who had too much free time uploaded my Standard 1 class photo on Facebook. Yeah, uploading is OK, but I don't bloody know how and why they managed to tag me on it. Seriously, does everyone in the world have Facebook now?

It was rhetoric; don't answer.

And everyone was busy commenting and catching up; as a result, I got Facespammed. Like crazy. And the thing is, I barely remember these people. OK, maybe I do remember some, like how some people, even at the young age of seven, are brats. And how adorable I looked back then. (I cringe when I compare my primary school photos to my current ones. Seriously, I looked cuter as a kid.)

Besides that, there's this whole buggering issue going on with my driving lessons. Seriously, I'm really fed up about everything. I'm leaning towards swordfighting and stories as a form of escapism. Everything that's going on now is suffocating. Where would I be without my angels?
__________________________________

"We've all had some bad things in our past," Katie explained coolly. "Colin's father walked out on him before he was born; he was raised by his mum. My dad died when I was ten. Arthur's mum died in labour. So we've all got a bond between us, a really strong bond. We all understand what the other has gone through, because we've been there ourselves. That's probably why we're so close, why we seem a bit nuts sometimes." She said it in such a tone no one could really tell if she was joking or not. Though she probably was.

"And Jules?" Dunham prodded. He grew pale. "She didn't lose anyone she cared for, did she?"

"Nah," Katie drawled in her Irish accent. Dunham felt a sense of relief until Katie continued her sentence.

"Nah, she was just born dysfunctional."

She looked around her warily. It was true that she'd dreamt of meeting people like her, people amongst whom she'd feel a sense of belonging, but long ago she had put it aside as a figment of her imagination, for she highly doubted that people like her truly existed. And even if they did, it was a million to one that they'd ever meet.

Or that they'd deliberately seek her out to join them in arms. For who would want such a dysfunctional, flawed human being to join the ranks of angels and goddesses?

Oh, angels and goddesses they definitely were. Three of them, two men and a woman. The men looked polar opposites of each other; one dark, one light. The blond man had deep blue eyes and a tall frame, one that reminded her of a knight of the ancient times. His opposite, Colin, she thought his name was, had dark hair and blue eyes, though of a darker shade than the blond.

And the female...even she was taken aback at how great the contrast was between the woman's milk-pale skin and her long, black tresses. It actually came as a shock to later find out that Katie's dark hair was a result of hair dye. And her eyes...chips of blue ice embedded in pale fairness. She blinked. It seemed that these gods and goddess shared one feature: blue eyes.

Her own was dark brown, although she'd like to think of it as dark chocolate. One of her vices next to books and swords. And it didn't really stand out much against her plain brown tresses, but people used to say that she had large eyes and long lashes, so she supposed it was alright then.

The blond, whom she was come to know as Arthur, stepped forward, hand extended to her. Strangely enough, Jules's attention was focused on Katie. There was something ethereal about her, something that drew her closer, but she knew that if she got in too deep she wouldn't be able to get out. She needn't have worried though; Katie was extremely sweet and kind towards her.

Both Arthur and Colin noticed the effect Katie was having on the young girl, and Arthur cleared his throat, pulling Jules's attention to him again. 'I know you don't believe us when we say this, but you are an Old Soul.' He smiled a little. 'So am I. So are we all.'

He clasped her hand in his. 'We're more at home in the past than in the present. There is nothing we love more than knowledge, nothing that fascinates us more than the lores of ancient times, nothing we want more than to ride into battle with a sword in our hands.' Jules's eyes brightened at the idea. 'And nothing we wish more than to live life once more as lords and ladies, as kings and queens of old.'

Jules watched as Arthur lowered himself slightly to her eye level, so she could see the earnest look in his eyes. 'The only thing we have on our side is magic--' here, his eyes flashed a golden yellow, and Jules watched intently as he conjured a deep, red rose for her. 'Sometimes, it is not enough. You won't understand much of this, I'm sure. But when the moment comes, you will remember. Because you are one of us. One of the great Queens of the Old Lore.'

The Hunger Games....Make Me Hungry

2010-04-24T19:00:00.002+08:00

Oh, we are free! Free from the burdens! The restrains, the time-consuming, bloody 42 hours I wasted.

Yes, people, I'm talking about Msian/Moral Studies. The biweekly classes I had to sit for for the past 4 months. And though it may be fun (as in, we poke fun at the teachers) it was, overall, a bloody waste of time. Okay, so I learned something (like how Moral is actually Beginner's Guide to Philosophy) so it wasn't a total waste of time. Just a bloody waste of time.

Exams were yesterday (Friday 23th) and we - Jian Haw, Fiona, Yvonne and I - holed up in the lib not to study Moral, but to discuss what essays we were going to write and what values to use for those essays. Yep, Fi and Yvonne's class teacher (2 teachs: Ms Sue who set the papers - Fi's teach- and Ms Geetha - mine and Jian's) had already given out format. As in what's going to come out for the final exam, including the topics for the MCQs. Confused? It sorta ran like this:

Q1: Morality
Q10: Kant
Q20- Buddhism

Yeah, she seriously gave them out and they're the exact ones she's been giving out for years. Can I hear you say, 'LOL'?

So we sat for Moral and Msian, bloody tiring I tell you. I think I sorta lost my appetite due to the stress.

Oh, and I WON!!! Books!

My sis texted me during studying to tell me I got a parcel from Scholastic. And so I went 'Hmm, who's sending me stuff?' Sis had a feeling it was a book. Went home, opened it and found.....

....Book 1 and 2 of the Hunger Games!!! Roar!! Book 2 was in hardcover, and Book 1 had a small, 3D thing - the one that flips faces when you tilt it? - of the mockingjay pin Katniss received, the same logo on the front cover of Book 1. Readers of Hunger Games would know what I'm talking about.

And then I'm like, 'Whoa, when did I sign up for this competition?'

Seriously, I totally forgot! Then sis conveniently remembered that she'd seen me signing up for this a while back. (P.S. Also signed up for the 26 leather bound classics from Popular so, fingers crossed!)

So proud wei! Winning books. Printed in USA some more tau!

Hehe.

Do Whatever You Want, But Be Sure That You Can Face The Consequences of Your Actions.

2010-04-15T21:17:00.003+08:00

Crazy. Hectic. Chaotic.

Thesaurus.

No, you read correctly. Thesaurus. That's what Jian Haw is taking to call me everytime I lecture him for misusing a word. I'll be correcting him about something and he'll go, 'Yalah, yalah, thesaurus! I also have one in my phone!' And then he whips out his phone and opens up the thesaurus app., just to one-up me.

We've been having a multitude of examinations lately. Mock tests and mock-mock tests. But I'm sure you know that already. We are stressed to the point that all we do in our free period now is conquer the library to study. Seriously, that is all we ever do. I bet even the librarians there know us by face now.

And if that wasn't bad enough, we'd just finished our mock/mock-mock chem test yesterday. It was supposed to be 50 MCQs and no structural. So everyone was a bit relieved at the prospect. Then Ms Kana came in, placed her bag down and started handing out questions papers. You know, those in the past year questions format, where they had Jan 2008 or something on them? Yep, so it looked pretty official and everything, and Alex, I think, opened the first few pages.

Kana noticed and shrugged. 'Go ahead and check it out. I don't mind. You can see what you're going to do.'

Then someone shrieked. 'OMG!! Got structural!!'

And the whole class promptly went into an uproar.

'Teacher, you said 50 MCQ only! Why got structural?'

'Why so not fair one!!!'

'Omg, I signed my name already!' Yep, you need to write your surname, initial and sign it at the top column.

And on it went till Kana, grinning like mad, said. 'I never said this was your test.' Stunned class. 'You simply jumped to conclusions. You never gave me the chance to talk. Nice, isn't it, to have your blood pressure go up and come back down again?' Nice? I felt like wringing her neck.

'This is your homework. Do the objective only. And now this is the real test.'

We came close to having a bloody myocardial infarction (read: heart attack). Seriously, I bet the papers would be astounded if that actually happened. "Whole Class Simultaneously Had Heart Attacks. Chem Teacher to Blame."

Msian studies and moral studies final exams is on next Friday, one after the other. Can die, I tell you! Got Msian studies assignment as well. 10 page essay and group presentation. And I'm barely surviving on sleep. I've been cutting down from 8 to six hours a night. And I wake at 6 every morning, regardless. You do the math.

I'm going to bed.

The Worst Kind of Influences Are The Ones That Pretend To Be "For Your Own Good."

2010-04-04T20:52:00.002+08:00

I absolutely loath Gaius in Merlin.

Oh, he's a fine character and all that, and Richard Wilson portrays him beautifully. I just dislike the way the scriptwriters wrote Gaius out to be all kind and wise when he's actually not.

Shall I give some examples?

In the seventh episode of the first season, The Gates of Avalon, Morgana sees Arthur in her dreams. She sees him drowning underwater and there's a young woman standing over him, watching him die. The very next day, Arthur brings back a woman and her father, whom he'd saved from bandits, and Morgana understands that Lady Sophia Tiamor and Aulfric, her father, are the ones behing Arthur's demise.

So of course, she confides in the only person she'd thought who help: Gaius.

And Gaius, little bugger he is, acts all righteous and keeps on giving Morgana sleeping draughts - then's version of sleeping pills - to help her sleep well and reduce her nightmares. Guess what, Gaius? They don't work! And he knows it, because all the time he's suspected that she's got magic and is a Seer. But no, he won't say anything.

Then Merlin finds out about this but is forbidden from ever letting Morgana know she's a Seer. In The Nightmare Begins (Season 2 Episode 3) tries to help Morgana, who accidentally (using her powers) started a fire in her room. Morgana confides in Gaius, again (dear girl, when will you learn? He's trying to allay you!) and he patronizes her, the bloody physician! He calls her "my child" and she screams at him, 'I'm not a child!' You go, Morgana.

And here is when Merlin shines for a moment but fades back under the wing of Gaius. Here is where Merlin wants Gaius to "talk to her. Tell her she'll be ok. Tell her that her powers aren't something to be afraid of." And when Merlin wants to talk to Morgana after Gaius refuses to, he's being forbidden by his uncle.

Merlin: You need to be honest with her.
Gaius: What makes you so certain that you know better than me?
Merlin: Because I went through exactly the same thing! I know what she's feeling right now!
Gaius: You cannot get involved in this! No good can come of it. I mean it, Merlin. Stay out of it.

Which begs the question, why doesn't Gaius wants Morgana to know about her powers? She's already helped Mordred the Druid boy, she can keep a secret, especially one so close to her. Why doesn't anyone tell her?

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is the reason Morgana actively and behind Uther's back, seeks out her own kind. Like anyone of us, she wants to feel accepted, to belong, to be part of something.

Morgana: I'm sorry. I'm never going back. These are my people. They're like me. (pause) I don't feel so alone here. Do you understand?
Merlin: Better than anyone.

But why won't you tell her, Merlin?

It was absolutely heartbreaking, the part where she says, 'I don't feel so alone here.' One of the reasons why I can really relate to Morgana. I'm still trying to find a place where I don't feel so alone.

But the thing that irked me the most is when people ask why did Morgana become evil. FYI, people, if you've been keeping up with the show, Morgana didn't become evil, regardless of what Gaius said. In The Beginning of the End, all she did was help a Driud boy escape. Uther was persecuting a boy. A boy. Wouldn't you do the same?

In The Nightmare Begins, she seeks out the Druids because they're the only ones who can tell her why she's having all these dreams that can tell the future. In the Sins of the Father, she feels a connection with Morgause, who turns out to be her half-sister. In The Witch's Quickening, she was blinded by Alvarr's charm that she helped him escape. In the Fires of Idirsholas, it was Morgause who spirited Morgana away, and not Morgana herself who left, even though I don't quite approve with the fact she left to see Morgause (but hey, she feels a connection there. Can't blame the girl, can we?)

The thing is, I see it this way: Morgana has powers, things she can't explain, things she doesn't know why. And she's trying to find someone to help her, to explain things to her. Basically just to let her know she's not alone. And Merlin's been given so many opportunities to help, but he doesn't. Because he's influenced by Gaius not to. And when she can't find help from the people around her, she goes to the people she's brought up to believe are evil. Why?

Because they have magic. Surely they can help. And indeed, each and every single one of them (even the ones that use her) tell her that magic is not something to be afraid of. It's a gift. They gave her hope, and they're supposed to be the bad guys. While her so-called friends are filling her head with lies, making her doubt herself. Which is why we see her go from a strong, powerful warrior in Season 1 to a teary, wreck of a lady with very few scenes in each episode in Season 2.

It must be killing her, for the people she trusts so much to betray her (Merlin tried to kill her) and for the people she's been brought up to hate to extend help and courtesy to her. Especially Mordred. I love Mordred. You can see that he geniunely likes Morgana.

I simply hate the fact that the "good" side do nothing to get Morgana through this difficult period of her life and then claim that she's gone over to the dark side when she seeks the people who can help. She's not evil, she's dark, and a little bit misunderstood.

Also, another pet peeve with Morgause. She seemed to truly love Morgana as her sister, but I'm asking, if she loves her sister, why did she use her, manipulate her to be the vessel for the sleeping curse in the Fires of Idirsholas? It stands to reason, then, that she hates Uther more than she cares for her sister. Nice. Both she and Uther finally had something in common, albeit in reverse: He hates magic more than he cares for Morgana too. It's a sign that she's losing herself to her hatred. Morgause is going mad. She will, I'm betting on it.

This whole thing about Gaius being the "good" guy is really wiring me up. I've got a good mind to start a fanfiction where it is revealed that Gaius is actually the one behind everything. I really do.

Maybe after my exams this week, yeah?

Watch out Gaius. I'm coming for you.

I'm Not Going To Pursue This, Not Because I Can't, But Because I Won't.

2010-04-02T23:14:00.002+08:00

Let's just face it. We're not good for each other. There may be something between us, and maybe if I don't act now it'll be lost, but it's nothing I can't live without.

My eyes close, my soul quietens.
All I long for, I have yet to reach.
This thing we have
It is full of twists and turns
That I cannot begin to decipher

I believed that there could be something more
But deep judgment pulled me back from going further
It's frustratingly complex yet simple
One step forward, two steps back

I try to look at it differently
How it would seem like to the world
Yet I still see confusion and chaos
Are we for real, or is this just a game we play?
If it is a game, why do I feel such tenderness?
If it's for real, why do I feel such hesitance?

Sorrow tears through me
Yet it is a sorrow I have encountered before
A familiar friend, yet its presence is slightly less than reassuring
It reminds me of things yet to come
Knowledge yet to be found
Loves yet to be known
But somehow, I doubt you'd be one of them

Your world and mine collide
But would you leave it all behind for me?
I don't think I can
I don't really think I can

We come from different origins
And though attraction beckons
I must, have to, need to
Have one foot on reality
We simply cannot exist
Not together
I deny myself this part of you
I deny myself everything I've known about you
Let's forget these moments we've shared

I deny myself everything

At Times Like This, I Just Want To Sleep And Never Wake Up

2010-03-31T22:19:00.003+08:00

I'm being a bit morbid lately.

OK, maybe I'm always morbid, but never like this. I might have wanted to murder someone, but that person is never myself. It's strange and scary that my thoughts are becoming darker by the minute.

We were in Chem class today when Fi mentioned it was Yein's birthday. So of course, what followed after was the honorary birthday song. Kana even chimed in since she entered as we were about to begin class. Fi suggested that the whole class go out for lunch together to celebrate Yein's big day. They started making suggestions like going back to the main block, at which point I'd privately decided not to show up. Why not? I hear you ask. Well I have things to do, mainly study for my maths mock mock tomorrow. Yep, Mock mock. It's a pre-mock up mock, so we call it the Maths Mock Mock.

So right after class I started heading for the door when Ee Lyn stopped me. 'Hey, aren't you going for Yein's birthday lunch?'

I raised an eyebrow and asked. 'Have they decided where to go yet?'

'Uh, I don't think so.'

Then I gave her one of my there-you-have-it looks. 'Exactly.' (Actually, I think I said "That's Why" but 'Exactly' sounds more posh)

So I dashed off to the cafeteria at E&C (strangely enough, me and my pals shortened it to cafe) got some food and had to wait about five minutes before I ate because I had to reply some people who texted me during chem class. Sorry guys, was too busy asking teach some chem-related questions during the last few minutes of the toilet break. And it was getting infuriating because just as I finished replying one text and have just replaced my phone in my pocket, the next fella sends back another text! Bugger you people!

After lunch I went up to the lib. Saw Jian and Pav there with some other people but I didn't wanna join them. Then I saw Lou's stuff on an empty table and sat down just as she walked out of the loo. Lou walked out of the loo. Geddit? Gosh, I sound like Melinda! No offense Mel! :)

Lou wanted to get some lunch so I settled with going through my chem work and my maths. Unfortunately I got sidetracked by a Personality Psychology Text which I borrowed (and which I got hooked on after seeing the Personality Disorders chapter - I borrowed it based on that alone). Ronnie and Nen Lin were at the next table, and after that they were joined by their pals. Then Jian left his table and came over, and since Lou wasn't back yet and Jian was a quiet studier, I invited him to sit with me.

Ee Lyn and Cat came up after that, quickly followed by the rest of the class. Seems that the whole Group B decided to study in the lib today, but most of them dispersed after seeing how crowded it was. Then Mark came and joined Ronnie's table, but since he didn't have a chair, he turned around to see us. The only chair available was Lou's (since Ee Lyn occupied the chair opposite Jian, who was beside me. I wondered briefly how long did it take to eat lunch - she'd been gone for an hour, gosh!) and as Mark turned to take it, I stepped in. Hey, it had Lou's bag on it, and besides, she could be back any minute. So I told Mark, 'That's my friend's chair. She's sitting there.' In a very nice, polite way, no threats or screams, even.

Mark nodded understandingly and smiled. I thought he got it, that I was looking after it for a pal, but then he turned back and said, 'OK. You know, you scare me a lot lah.'

And left me with a wth? look on my face. Just in time to hear Ee Lyn say, 'Yep, she does that to a lot of people.'

Mark's intimidated by me? And I have been nothing but nice to him!

Then Lou came back and she and Ee Lyn got into this whole convo about how I needed to chill and relax a bit (from Ee Lyn) and how she (Lou) tried for the past ten years to change me but failed. So I ended up having to justify everything I did while Jian, the little bugger, just sat there laughing. In the end I got fed up with having to justify my actions (and I said so) when what Ee Lyn said struck me.

'It's not always about you.'

Okay, I got that. Then she continued. 'Like today. Why won't you stay back to mix with Yein and all of them and just go for a class lunch?'

So I took a deep breath. 'We have nothing to talk about.'

'So? It's not always about you. True, you won't have things to talk about all the time, but you could still sit there and listen to what they have to say. Like me. I didn't know what they were talking about but I just sat there and listened.'

The little girl inside me tried to digest this bit of advice. Jian meanwhile poked a jibe at Ee Lyn saying that was because she was playing with her phone, to which Lyn replied she wasn't using her phone then.

'But...' Lyn looked at me. I tried to convey what I felt. 'Alright. It's like this. You sat there because you were having fun right? You're one of them. It's like you belong there. But for me, I have no idea what they're talking about. I'm not having fun. That's why I leave. Like that time I went to a party? I wasn't having fun so I left early.'

Ee Lyn regarded me critically. 'But you don't need to leave early. Just sit and listen to their convo, mix around. Relax. I don't even listen to what they're saying either but I still hang around.'

I didn't have an answer to that then. But after thinking deeply, I got it. Lyn, you chose not to listen. I tried that, but I wasn't having fun. Besides, I have things to do. I don't want to abandon what plans I have to waste my time not having fun.

A bit of silence after that. Was surprised when I saw the clock was showing one forty five. My class starts at two. So my time OCD kicked in, and I frantically shoved my stuff into my bag. 'I'm gonna be late, I'm gonna be late.' Honestly, I don't know why I torture myself like this. Ee Lyn glanced calmly at the clock. 'We've got fifteen minutes. Chill.' But I dragged myself up, checked out the psych book and dashed down the stairs. Was waiting for the class to empty as Jian came up to me and said, 'Whoa, you're really early.'

But I was still pensive about the whole library incident. 'It's not always about you.' 'I'm intimidated by you.' I don't get the second bit. Why does Mark feel intimidated when I've done nothing? Self diagnosing of personality disorders in the psych book (Antisocial disorder, narcissistic disorder) don't help me much. I don't get why I somehow have symptoms from practically every personality disorder except histrionic personality disorder.

It was later that I came to the conclusion: I read things, and I apply them in my life. It's like I can't help but integrate every single bit of knowledge I pick up into my daily life. And it's scaring me. Because ever since I read up about manic depression (read: bipolar), I've been having weird dreams. Yes of course, I'm a sadistic person, but this time I'm having weird ideas about sleeping forever. Homicidal tendencies are usual with me (hehe, I'm mean and wicked) but suicide is something I'd never touched.

What have I done?

I Don't Really Care About Saving People's Lives; I Just Want To Cut Them Up.

2010-03-26T19:57:00.004+08:00

A very long time has passed since my last post, and I do apologise for not updating sooner. But A Levels has been really hectic, what with projects and mocks tests, and I've also made a promise to not go online during weekdays. Exams - as in the real, Edexcel External Exams - are just around the corner - end of May - and I seriously need to study my ass off if I'm planning on getting a good, strong, solid A. Redundant, but you get the gist.

This whole week was fun. I guess. Biology was cancelled for the whole week (which was conveniently replaced during the first few weeks of class) and the whole class was overjoyed. Hence we had a few extra hours of free time.

On Wednesday, we had Chem, and Kana entered the class to find that Mark was rummaging through Yundzir and Ronnie's bag. So being the no-nonsense chem teacher that she was, Kana proceeded to ask him what the heck he was doing, in fairly polite terms.

Mark replied: 'Oh, he borrowed my chem notes and haven't returned them.'

Cue Kana's turn to bring out her "Don't Share Chem Notes" policy again. 'That is why I don't believe in "sharing is caring." You lend your notes to your friends, they lose it, in the end it's you that is going to suffer.'

Mark continues rummaging to no positive effect, so he settles for borrowing a pal's notes to photocopy. As he was about to leave, Kana called him back.

'Mark,' she began. 'I have the feeling that you consider me to be trash.' Mark's eyes widened, and he frantically began shaking his head. Kana ignored him and continued with her lecture, twenty something pairs of eyes watching the scene. 'Because I found your notes in the bin. The dust bin,' she clarified, as Mark and the twenty students (yours truly included) blinked at this. Mark's notes. In the dust bin. Add them together and what you get?

Recipe for disaster.

'In fact, one of my senior students who found the notes got so upset because he appreciates me so much and took it very badly.' Kana continued the guilt trip. Mark laughed sheepishly. 'Maybe it's still in the bin. Go check.'

So Mark turned and started out the door when he bumps into Yundzir who had borrowed the notes. Mark went, 'Hey, they found my notes in the bin in the lab.'

Yundzir: Bin? What bin?

Mark: The dust bin.

Yundzir: (wide-eyed) Seriously?

So Mark dashed out of Block E, into Block D, ran up a few flights of stairs (or he took the lift - dunno which one), went through the lab and rummaged it. Well, not that we were with him, but we used our imaginations as a substitute.

He came back about ten minutes later without success. Kana looks at him expectantly, and he shook his head. Then the fun began. He took one step back to his place, and Kana goes, 'Oops.' And the whole class burst into laughter (yes, even Mark) as Kana took out his notes from her folder. 'Oops,' she went again, before handing his notes back to him, but paused halfway as she checked his homework. Found out that Yundzir had copied Mark's homework, and launched into another tirade on how examiners figured out who cheated in exams.

Thursday. Had the Sikhism presentation. Spent the day with Jian Haw, who reminds me a little bit of Merlin actually, don't know why. His personality, perhaps? Since we didn't have biology, we got to the Moral Studies classroom about one hour early (amidst Jian's protests that there would be the cleaning crew around who'd be cleaning the rooms) and I started practicing my presentation. Then I got bored and sat at the back with Jian and we had this discussion about how mean I was and that switched to accents (where Jian refused to do his so-called cacated indian accent for me) and then the Cleaning Staff came in and started emptying out the baskets. And Jian kept saying 'I told you so' and I had to appease him by acknowledging that he was right.

Later people started filling the class and Ee Lyn came and hung out with us. Warned Ee Lyn that I would be asking questions during my pres so she'd better pay attention to me. Then Jian interrupted with a statement that I was scary and Ee Lyn agreed. Needless to say, I was basically agreeing to whatever they were saying since I was busy texting people.

Then during my presentation I kinda botched it up a bit by reading, well, referring a lot to the slides even though I've got notes in my hand since I simply didn't want to look down at them, and I was practically leaning against the table and speaking to them. Then I noticed a couple of people not paying attention so I called them out: Daniel Chew! Tell me the 5Ks of Sikhism.

He told me later that he wanted to chuck his pal's phone (which he had been looking at when I called him out) at my head but resisted. Then I called out Ee Lyn to answer the same questions, and I distinctly saw her curse at me before she answered my question and I got the class to give her a round of applause.

Shock number 2 was when Ivory was presenting, and I got a bit annoyed that people weren't listening, so I just yelled (okay, called) to the class and basically told them in polite terms to respect Ivory a bit while she was talking, yeah? Ivory glanced at me, muttered under her breath 'Thanks' heavy in sarcasm while the whole class sat up to hear her speak. No prob, Ivory. Just helping out.

Jian later said I was really scary which was why the whole class was paying attention. I'm not that bad, am I?

I'm Proud To Be Deviant, Because It Means I'm Apart From The Rest

2010-03-10T22:32:00.003+08:00

The irony is that I have to now, it seems, restrict myself when I'm at my freest.

Everything that I am, I learned. I had to learn how to do things that come to naturally to others. I had to learn how to expand certain natural skills by research and studying. I've been criticised at, and it makes me wonder: Who is truly there for me?

Then I got the answer: No one except myself.

I try to rush things, impatient little bugger I am. But I can't help it. And it's so weird how adults can be so contradicting. As kids, we're always told to ask questions about things you don't understand. Be curious. And I am. I ask questions because I'm curious. Curiosity didn't kill the cat, but it got me in major trouble. I have gotten into trouble before when I asked too much and the adults were simply not in the mood to entertain me. I call it curiosity. They probably call it tactless.

And I don't understand why people go on. It's this example which I've seen countless times: people attending a wedding or party of some sort, and they're served this platter of food, and when they take a bite they go all 'Mm! That's delicious!' and all that, and then you leave the place and all the comments start pouring out. 'It didn't taste so fresh!' or 'Why so yucky taste?'

Here's the bit where I'm thankful I'm quiet. I don't bother saying stuff, good or bad. People will be laughing at a joke or something and I can go all serious like there's nothing to laugh about. Believe me, I get lotsa practice in Chem class. I've caught people looking at me weirdly before, as though wondering if I'm sick or something, why isn't she laughing along with everyone else. And I look back at them calmly, as though asking them what's their problem. That usually shuts them up.

What's the point of talking? It's not like people are going to listen to me. Oh, yes, I've had moments where I'd be speaking to someone and I'm suddenly interrupted by them. God knows I've been trying to be a good listener and all that but I'm so tired of it. I add detail into my tales because it makes it all the more real and easier to connect to. But I'm starting to see there's really not much point in small talk. Thanks to that I'm now playing a game where I stay silent for the rest of the day and see if anyone notices. So far, no takers.

And about SPM. Yes, I get it. It's the most important examination. But it irks me to see people going about and telling each other that they're nervous about their results. First off, we know. We took the exam too, remember? We were there. If we wanted a constant repetition we would've bought a tape recorder. Secondly, everyone seems to place more importance on their results compared to college work right now. Again, what's the point? Unless you create a time machine, there is no way sobbing and moaning about it will affect your results in any way. You're already in college. Focus on your education. Knowledge is power. So you got bad grades. Learn from your mistakes. Don't repeat them. And yet I see people planning to skip the rest of the day regardless of whether they get good or bad results. It's done with, it's in the past.

Thanks to you, I'm really starting to regret divulging secrets. I'm gonna keep my mouth shut and not reveal a single thing. It's a bit condescending how you bounce from the opening band to the main act and back again for your entertainment. It probably doesn't feel that way on your end but I do feel it on mine. Know why? It's because I'm the opening band, not the main act, not the one you are eager for. Nothing offensive meant by that, nothing romantic either, but it's just very patronizing.

This means more to me that it ever will to you.

Colourblind

2010-03-07T21:30:00.003+08:00

It's so much easier to see
When you're colourblind
All that's left is black and white
No grey area in between
No more confusion
But you miss out on the truth

I walk around and
Everyone's preoccupied
With things that aren't even worth it
It's either wrong or right
Why read so much inside
What about me?

The world's moving on without me
I like to stay in the present but
Everyone's off somewhere without me
I'd rather be ignorant, break all the rules
What do I care if someone dies
I'm just colourblind

I tried to see it through their eyes
But it doesn't work out
Tried to understand but I kept asking why
Is it so hard to face the truth
That we're not who we think we are
There's always darkness deep inside

Dusty Pathway

2010-03-07T20:12:00.002+08:00

With every day that goes by
We've become further apart
Why are you so distant
When it should be me who walks away

There used to be a hint
That speaks volumes between us
We used to be so close
I trusted you with so much
But it seems like you pulled out
Leaving me behind in the dust

Must I search for common ground
Must I probe so hard
For some sign that you are well
I made a promise before
But this has reinforced it all the more
I'll never cry again
Now the balance is shifting
We can't go back to where we used to be
Oh, we can try
But it'll not be the same
There will always be a gap in between

What A Tangled Web We Weave, When First We Practice To Deceive. Then Again, Practice Makes Perfect

2010-02-28T16:43:00.003+08:00

It's been really hot lately, 35 degrees Celsius as reported by the sidebar on my laptop. But luckily in Kuala Lumpur it's been raining ever-so-often in the afternoons till the evening passes. It started raining about twenty minutes back, and it's slowly stopping to a drizzle.

At least it's cool and all, since my place is constantly raining. Have been studying physics and managing to understand (at least a bit) of Projectiles after frantically going through my notes since I've got a test Monday. Have also been studying Biology since I've got a test Wednesday as well. Gosh, lots of stuff to study for.

And it's a bit weird how everything and everyone I know seems to be connected in the weirdest ways possible. For instance, I was just chatting to a pal and I noticed that he had been hugging a pillow at the same time, and it's a bit funny really, since lately I've taken to hugging my pillow around when I'm watching TV or studying. Then this same pal mentioned that he wanted to fix up his hair properly, maybe do a bit of highlights, and it's really something 'cause another pal of mine said yesterday she was planning to do some highlights as well.

It's been really very hot lately and I've taken to tying up my hair at home. Not in school, though. AC there is freezing so badly everyone's filling their bottles with hot water!

And I made Biology rep! Ask me how I did it.

Never mind, I'll tell anyway.

See, Feng was the original Bio rep. But he transferred off to Group A, which we only found out during roll call on Monday. So then I asked the question: Who will be replacing him as Bio rep?

And I seriously wanted to be. Mr Low is genuinely funny and good in his lessons, and I like him. In a student respects teacher sort of way -- nothing funny here, people! Besides, being rep gets you a cert. And it's really useful. People see 'Bio Rep' on your testimonial and they go, 'Hmmm.'

So yeah, I really wanted to be. And unconsciously (The Devious Things Our Minds Plots Up), I launched my plan. Okay, so it wasn't really a plan, it wasn't like I plotted everything out. I just started going around, asking about Feng, then asking about the next Bio rep, then I said it: I wanna be Bio rep lah.

I didn't even have to give a reason why and everyone went, 'Yalah, you should be! Go ahead lah. Good what. You're so responsible!'

And I wanted to say, 'Responsible? Mua?' 'Cause if you knew anything about me, responsible would not be the best word to describe me. It's probably be "Paranoid, Eccentric, and Pedantic."

So, on Wednesday (had to wait 2 agonising days for Bio!), we entered our class, and while chatting, Pav was saying, 'Eh, Ely, you should volunteer for Bio rep lah. You're so responsible!' And my face gave that same expression again. And Shweta came on board and agreed as well. And I was really embarassed and we laughed it off.

Later when Mr Low came in, he made a few announcements and then, 'Okay. Since you all know that Feng has left us, we are now in need of a Bio rep. Any volunteers?'

Then Shweta (I think) said, 'Ely!'

And so I had to raise my hand and volunteer. And then Pav suggested my name right after Mr Low mentioned I was being nominated. Her mind was obviously elsewhere -- studying Bio, perhaps? Since no one objected, I became Bio rep!! Yay!

Second victory: we managed to get Mr Low to postpone bio test from last Thursday to this coming Wednesday. Good news? We get a few more days to study. Bad news? It's on the same week as our Physics test. Go figure.

Lots of things have been happening over the past weekend which have been making me pissed, confused, exasperated and a bit off, though not at the same time. I need to focus on studies alright? But I'm always here if you need me, love.

I'll be stuffing my face with the rbead pudding my mum just made so well.

Cheerio

Echo

2010-02-21T17:41:00.003+08:00

Okay, so people have been bugging me for photos of my new dog Echo. I have kindly acquiesced since my mum was also taking pictures. And so I present to you, the ever jumpy, the ever hungry-ghost, Echo dog.

The golden brown one is Echo boy, while the white one is the Labrador half breed Snowy. I have no idea why he's sniffing him like that but Echo is turning 2 this year (born in 09) while Snowy will be about 4 years old. Guy in the background is my dad.

And yes, my pals, I'm only going to post this one picture. Never understood why people like to put so many of the same thing but of different angles.

Cheers.

Let The Spires of Camelot Fall

2010-02-18T10:13:00.003+08:00

I realised that I haven't been updating for almost a week now, even when I've got stuff to blog about. So, after being flamed by my cousin, I decided to start typing again. Please note that the activities below are not in chronological order so forgive me if you find yourself having to jump from one day to another.

First off, I have a new dog. His name is Echo, and he is a pure-breed Golden Retriever. Before you start squealing for pictures, let me just say that he is a one-year old dog who is really, really, jumpy, and he's Huge! When he pounces on me, his head is just below my neck. Therefore, it is super duper difficult to even walk in the garden, let alone take a picture of him. He's really frisky, and he will run up the stairs if you let the door open so, please, no. That said, I will try to take a couple of shots of both him and my other dog, Snowy, and I'll most probably put them in Facebook.

Secondly, we had the loveliest day visiting relatives yesterday. Wasn't planning to go anywhere this year but duty calls so...We got up bright and early yesterday, and headed off somewhere (bad with directions, again) to visit my mum's second aunt. Reached there ten thirty, all 3 families (mine, and my mum's two sisters'), and we stayed there till half past twelve. Really boring. Sipped a carton of chrysanthemum (I spelt that right! I think.) and watched Hook on their Astro. Adults were talking and kids were bored. Didn't mean to stay that long since we had to visit the first aunt as well but somehow overstayed.

Then we headed off to TV3 around there (near One Utama) where the first aunt had moved to a few years back. First aunt and daughter lived in a swanky condo that looked like a bloody hotel! Had fond memories of that aunt. She used to work as a promoter for chicken nuggets and stuff like that years ago (when I was still a kid, primary school, maybe?) and since we often went shopping at the Subang Carrefour where she worked, she'd always fry lotsa nuggets and fries for us 5 kids while she and grandma chatted.

So we went into her nice condo (daughter was away playing golf) and we kids fell upon the CNY snacks on the coffee table, right in front of the huge TV with Astro. You know those fried crabmeat things and those crackers that look like seaweed sandwiched between popiah skin? Between us 5 kids and a couple of adults, we finished 2 cans each. Bloody hilarious, since once we finished ours, Aunt brought out another for the adults and we sent the younger cousins to rampas it to our side. Then Aunt brought out a huge bottle of Tropicana orange and we finished that as well. Same for the jug of water (which had to be refilled), and the bowl of Yupi sweets (2 cousins kept tapau-ing). And just as we wondered if we were going to lunch later, Aunt pulls her freezer open, pulls out bags of nuggets and chicken fingers, and starts a huge fry up.

One cousin said this was the best day of her life. I have to agree. Best day of my CNY life, at least.

Third. The day before yesterday, I had a craving for apple pie. Mum refused to make it for me since she was busy making muffins, so I took it on myself. In the end, mum helped with the rolling of the dough and lining of the pan. Looks a bit weird, but it was yummy all the same! :) Then in the afternoon, the lawyers and their 3 brats as well as the grandparents came round. The brats were humongously noisy, and we went for dinner at some restaurant. Not bad, but we also ordered their specialty, which was pork cooked in honey and sesame seeds. Really addictive, I tell you. Sis and I kept eating that.

Halfway through, my two aunts (from the above post) crashed in - they returned from Penang that day. So we all went back to my house (everyone gasped at Echo when we told them he was only a year old) and we cracked open a bottle of Wild Wines Raspberry (sis and I had a glass) and the adults chatted amongst themselves till nine while we kids went upstairs for the AC and started playing card games.

And right now, I should really end here. My Msian Studies reflection journal (waste of time, I tell you) is due on Tuesday, I've got a Bio test next Thursday and I wanna study beforehand as well as do mindmapping for notes, I've got a Physics test next week (dunno when) but I'm screwed because I have no idea what's going on, I've got a Sikhism presentation for Moral Studies (due in March but I wanna finish it), a Naning forum-style presentation on Tuesday, finish my Chem homework for Tuesday, finish my Chem Past Year Qs, search for my undergrad colleges, and a whole lotta other stuff that needs to be done. Needless to say, I'll probably be online till I finish my Reflection Journal.

Cheers.

I Still Harbour Dreams From Long Ago That I Have Never Revealed Before

2010-02-06T21:41:00.002+08:00

Well. It's been a very long time. Strange how I always start with that sentence. Anyway, I've decided that I'll only update either weekly or bi-weekly, depending on how much stuff I've got to tell, whichever one comes first. Then again, it shouldn't be much of a fuss even if I don't update. People don't read this anyway. Which is good, in a weird, runabout sort of idea. People leave me alone.

The Lunar New Year is just around the corner and we see ourselves dashing off to supermarkets to buy boxes upon boxes of Mandarin oranges, Yeo's canned drinks and assorted sweets and junk food to prepare to welcome guests into our homes. My family wasn't really the open house sort, but we still needed groceries, so we went off to Tesco. Yay.

I was really looking forward to this because I'd just spent the whole, entire morning at the theatrette in HUC main campus, alternating between spacing out and napping while my Malaysian Studies lecturer went on and on and on. And before any of you say I'm turning from a good student to one who sleeps in class, I have my reasons. It all started on the first day of MS where I was so excited for the lesson to begin, I took a seat at the front. Big mistake, as it turned out to be.

Mr Azri was a lecturer who knew his stuff, but that was in BM. In English he threw my hopes against the wall and crushed them into pieces. He's a good teach, but the grammatical errors stunned me. His notes were literally translated from BM to English, really I'm not exaggerating. Terrible. I cringe everytime I look at the slides. That was the first subject I wanted to sleep through. Paid attention though, first day and all, but every single lesson after that and I shut him out. And don't even think about chiding me about it. Yes, I agree we should pay attention but really, if it weren't for the Powers That Be, I wouldn't even be taking the bloody subject and paying for it as well.

So today we were having a 3 hours replacement class, and Lily and I were chatting. 'I have a feeling that MS is a waste of time and money,' I muttered. Lily glanced at me. 'You don't need to feel, it's a fact.' Laughed quite a bit at that. Lou was right. Lily was crazy, fun and remarkably witty. I'm impressed. Really I am.

The moment he walked in the lesson began with the presentations. Unfortunately, only Xin Yi, Lily and I were present out of the rest of our team mates. Jeya had to bailed to attend her grandma's funeral. Zean Shiung had to go for debate. Eldwin was missing in action, and so was Dhiren, while Joel, who was supposed to present, was MIA as well. So we managed to skip the presentation by giving the excuse that our mate who had the pen drive (yeah, seems it had to be a powerpoint pres. He never told us anything about that!) wasn't present. We had meant for it to be Joel, but when Joel and Eldwin (who got lost) turned up halfway through the presentation, we girls simultaneously agreed that Zean Shiung would be the one we use instead. Sorry, pal :) Almost fell asleep a few times during the many presentations.

Azri let us out for a break at eleven-ish, came back slightly late, and he was talking about something (which I wasn't listening to because I felt bored and started playing with my cards) when he talked about something and said, 'Like the British people say, A hungry man--'

'--is an angry man,' Lily finished, but his version turned out to be, '--tends to be angry.' He then proceeds to write it on the white board, but his spelling was a bit out of sorts and the sentence ended up being 'Hungary man tend to be angry man.'

Lily, I, Xin Yi and practically the whole class was trying hard not to laugh out loud at him. Lily kept on giggling every few seconds and I prompted it by saying, 'Men from Hungary are very angry, Lily. We shouldn't go to that country.' And Azri actually thought we were laughing in agreement with him!

Well, after that Dad picked me up and drove me to Tesco, and I was planning of asking my mum if we could have pizza for lunch because honestly, I've been craving for pizza for ages. Then my dad said the magic sentence: We're going to eat pizza.

Dad chided me for screaming in the car with that exasperated look on his face.

After parking the car (saw a lorry with the lion dance people in it) we went off to lunch. Just as we finished, we heard the lion dance people at it already in the entrance. Sis and I walked onward, just as she was telling me the story of a pal of hers whom she was going out with when they passed by a lion dance. The pal was about to make a turn to watch the dance when he realised she wasn't following, just walking straight past it. So he asked, doesn't she want to watch? She gave him a look and replied, 'Why so jacun one? Lion dance also never see before meh?'

So we were laughing all the way up, got a trolley and continued talking while Mum and Dad and neighbour were busy picking out groceries. Then we heard the noise of drumming and we were like, The lion dance is up here. So we pushed the cart to one side, pulled my sis in closer, and we were watching the first lion (which, on closer inspection, turned out to be a tiger - Year of the Tiger) walk past. Then we saw another tiger, and behind it, the people whacking the drums, which were seriously loud I could barely hear myself. In front of the second tiger was this guy on a video camera, who was walking backwards to record the whole dance of the seoncd tiger. So I was talking to my sis, who had her back to the aisle and thus, the tiger dancers passing by, and I was telling her, 'You know, when the video guy walks back just a few more steps,' she leaned in closer to listen because, as the dancers got nearer, the noise was getting louder, 'They're going to see us in the tape because we're right beside them!'

'What?' My sis asked loudly. I pulled her closer to avoid getting knocked over by the dancers. I explained it to her again, and I was watching the video guy when, having previously pointing the video camera at the tiger dancers who were right in front of him, he suddenly swung the camera to the right.

Namely, in my sis and my direction.

Thought it was a bit funny, really. Why the hell was he filming us? Turned around to tell my sis, when I saw the second tiger standing right behind her. My sis, who had her back to them, was oblivious to this. I don't think I moved, except I was grabbing her arm and shaking it. And she was getting a bit annoyed really when I pulled her arm (she later mentioned that one second more and she was going to say, 'Why pull me in for? Tiger very fat meh? Got so much space for the tiger to walk lah! Even an elephant was walk lah!' Thank God she didn't say it.)

You know how the dancers manipulate strings inside the head so they can move the tiger's jaw up and down? Yep, the dancer inside did it so that the tiger was actually "biting" at my sister's shoulder. She felt the pressure, turned around slowly, and raised an eyebrow at the tiger, trying to see who was inside. I was still frozen there, with that stupid grin on my face, kinda like the one people show when they find themselves part of an act or something.

My sis was actually staring at the tiger's head, then I think she patted it? And as the tiger moved on, I saw the dancer inside (bespectacled Chinese fella) trying not to laugh as he went off. Meanwhile, Mum was rummaging trying to get a good shot of us with the tiger but failed.

Suffice to say we spent the rest of the shopping trip talking about it and how we should've punched it in the nose or something and I was cracking up mock headlines for our day dream and stuff. Got to the point that Dad was getting annoyed and kept telling us to help with the shopping and stop talking so much.

Cheers.

I Feel Like A Zombie Vampire Sucked The Life Out Of Me

2010-01-27T21:14:00.002+08:00

Alright, it's been a bloody long time since I last blogged, and that was about my (failed!) nickel carbonate crystals. OK, so it's not really considered failed, but it wasn't as nice as Kerrine and Catherine's crystals, or Alex and Rachel's. I'm really envious.

It turned out to be more of tiny bits of broken crystals instead of the fully formed, large ones Ms Kana so proudly displayed to us. I was so disappointed but after yesterday's Chemistry practical, I've come to the realisation that it's not the product that matters, it's the experience. Because really, I love Chemistry but certain factors are making me lose my patience with certain somebodies who annoy the heck outta me! That, my dear friends, is more than enough to incur my dark side.

Let's start with Monday this week, mm? Alright, Monday. First class: Physics. We entered the classroom, sat down and started talking, and waited...

....and waited....

.....and waited.....

After half an hour - 'Eh, why Ms Shirley so late one?'

After one hour - 'Eh, class cancelled is it?' 'No lah, Ronnie bluffing only lah!' (And there goes the whole debate on whether class was cancelled or not.) 'Eh, Jacob got Shirley's number right? Go call her or something.' 'Don't want!'

After one hour fifteen minutes - 'I love Ms Shirley, but she's not a good teacher lah.' (Yep, we bitch when the teach is away) 'Yalor, I mean, she's new and all that, this is considered her "probation" period mah.' 'Can we go complain to A Levels department or something?'

After one and a half hours - 'Yerr, tak mau tunggu lagi! Let's go makan!' 'OK! Go where makan?'

So everyone began the whole "Where to eat?" debate. Personally, I was already planning to go lunch at the cafeteria under Wisma E&C. It's walking distance from my block, and besides, I didn't like going all the way to the main campus and all that because I know that E&C is probably one of the cheapest places around (I eat rice with vegetables, some tofu or egg, and a meat and it's only about RM 3.80) and besides, I'm constantly fearful that if I take the bus to the main campus (where the food isn't really that grand) I might get caught in traffic and not make it back to class on time. And if there's one thing you should know about me, I'm paranoid about time. Really, it's like an OCD issue. It's affecting me really badly, because I tend to look at my watch out of habit, and then I'd assume that people would assume that I'm feeling bored.

Anyway, I went off to E&C while they finally decided to eat at UOA. After lunch I got a text from Jeya who was at the library. So I headed on up, and I met Jeremiah. We sat in the lib talking, then Jeremiah left to use the computer lab, leaving Jeya and me behind to discuss fanfiction. By the time ten thirty came, we were feeling a bit hungry but since we had food with us, we decided to eat and wait outside our classes.

So Jeremiah tagged along and we sat down and started having discussions about this, that and the other. By that time, Lily and her pal joined in. Had to split later since classes were starting.

Tuesday. Had Maths, after which we dashed off to Chem to do the ammonium iron sulphate crystals experiment. Since it was a double salt, Pavallam did the ammonium bit and I did the iron bit. When we were both done, we had to combine the two together.

The iron bit was a bit long-winded on the instructions but relatively elementary while the ammonium bit was shorter in instructions but looked more complicated. While filtering the iron solution I accidentally spilled a bit of the salt in so my solution had black specks. After consulting Ms Kana (yeah, thanks) I refilered my solution and mixed it with Pav's ammonium one so we can saturate it.

The bloody problem was, we had turned on the gas till the maximum and the flame was bloody burning, but the bloody thing took an awful long time to boil and saturate!! How awful was it, you may ask? It was awful enough to make me miss my lunch period.

So I had to dash off to Physics Lab (2 labs in a row make me sick!) with a killer migraine from the ammonium fumes and a growling stomach armed with only a packet of biscuits. Then in Physics we had to do some measuring experiment which was bloody awful. As usual, my results were crap. As usual, I borrowed my pal's results (in this case, Rachel's) and copied the whole thing. Shirley had said that we weren't allowed to leave before finishing the report, but since I'd done it and she said it was wrong and I had to redo it, I don't see why I can't leave at 2, which was the time we were off. So I brought it up with her and she gave a smile and gave me permission. Dashed off to E&C for some grub.

Met Jeya at the cafeteria, had chee cheong fun. And we were discussing the whole Merlin fandom and what pair do we ship and slash and all that sort, when one of the cafeteria ladies managing the economy rice booth came over and placed a plate of green beans omelette on our table. We stared at her, and she was like, 'Nah. Nak makan telur?'

So I answered hesitantly, 'Free of charge ah?' Call me kiasu or whatever, but we didn't even order the egg OK? Need to be sure. Then the Chinese aunty (the owner of the economy rice booth who I've been quite friendly with recently) was busy packing up the store and she said, 'Ya. It's free one.' So Jeya and I surmised that they were packing up for the day and we were like, WTH? Might as well eat the free egg.

Later, after lunch, we walked off to Wisma HELP for our Msian studies class, and since we were early (class starts at 4, we reached at 2 thirty-ish) we sat down and did a bit of homework (mainly Jeya reading fanfiction on her iTouch and me copying Rachel's stuff). After a while we got bored and decided to explore. Went up the elevator to level 5 for the DSA thing. Saw Rachel and returned her book. Then we didn't want to go back to Level 2 where our class was so we randomly stopped the elevator at all the floors, peeking out to check if there was anything interesting and ducking back inside when there wasn't.

So we were riding the elevators up and down Wisma HELP which was pretty fun and creepy at the same time. Then we went back to our class but it was still occupied with the law students so we sat outside and started talking about stuff.

However, the real fun happened during Msian studies.

Sir was writing a whole list of topics on the board, and Dhiren was telling me, 'Write down all the team members' names just in case he wants them. Hurry!' So we scrawled down the names of all the members just as Sir finished writing the list of topics. Then everyone's eyes went wide when they saw the title: Racism. Dhiren was super gung-ho about it, saying, 'Take racism! Take racism! I want that. Eldwin, later when you choose the title take Racism, OK?'

Even a couple of people came forward to ask Sir if they could take racism but Sir brushed them off. After he finished the introduction, he looked at the class. 'OK, I've got all the topics there for you.' He pulled out 3 marker pens. 'You can choose your topic.' Some people from the back rows started walking forward. 'First come first serve.'

Everyone literally broke into a run. Eldwin got up (we were at the front) and we cheered him on when 2 guys went past him. Then we saw Dhiren coming in from the side, literally wrestling the marker pen from Sir's palm, and shoving those 2 guys away and scrawling his name beside the Racism topic. Someone pushed him mid-word so his 'n' ended up with a long tail. But it was official: Racism was ours. Lily, Jeya and I were laughing so hard we were clapping him. Dhiren was like, 'Racism is mine! I book already!' And everyone were trying to pick the next best topics and stuff but it didn't matter 'cause racism was ours.

Then Zean Shiung was like, 'You know if we screw this up, the whole class will hate us?'

Then Sir called out, saying that he wanted us to write down our team members' names (thank you Dhiren for the suggestion!) as well as the definition of the topic we picked, examples and reasons why they existed and why they should be avoided. So everyone whipped out their cell phones and started googling definitions. It didn't help matters that the Wifi service was removed by some fellas so it took quite a bit of time before we could hand up the paper.

Wednesday i.e. today. Had an extra Bio prac. Quite OK, actually. My Bio teach's nice. After that we had Chemistry theory and Bio theory. Thanks to the shuffling of schedules since Maths and Bio teach were doing replacement classes, I'll be having 4 hours of Bio again tomorrow.

I still don't like college. I don't feel anything anymore. It's like I've been numbed to the point that I just don't care about college. I'm sitting on the fence. I don't hate college but I don't exactly like it either. It's just like secondary school minus the uniforms and stuff. People here are in their own groups and it's a bit hard for me to get a pal in my Group because everyone's got their own pal and I don't like talking much and so I think it makes me seem a little distant. Ee Lyn asked me today why I look so emo in the morning. Number 1, I'm not emo, I'm just comtemplating. And 2, why do people always use the word emo? It's overused and overrated and I hate it. It comes to the point where I'd enter my classroom early and just sit there in the silence and just....think.

It feels as if I'm delving deeper into myself, cutting off from the rest of the world. A sort of numbness takes over. I can be paying attention in lessons but it's like I'm split into two and half of me is in class listening to lectures while the other half is exploring things unknown. It's as if I'm deliberately distancing myself from them. Why, I have no idea. But I just do. I'm nice and friendly, but I think I'm a bit too serious for them sometimes. There's this sort of yearning inside me that I can't seem to fulfill. Some sort of intimate relationship with someone who knows instinctively what I'm about, the sort where you don't need words to convey what you think because the silence between you is comfortable and not awkward.

I'm feeling a sense of detachment, as if I believe it's the only way to keep myself away from the hurt. Like that saying, You can only hurt the ones you love? I think that's the reason why I move away. I don't know. I see shows on TV as a kid and I've come to the theory that if you want something done right, do it yourself. Want to protect yourself? Trust no one. Want to stay in one piece, emotionally? Act as if it doesn't affect you. And it's probably all bullshit, but these beliefs have been wired into my little kid system that it's now prominent in my youth self. I see things and I figure out how to make them better.

Like where I sit in class. I'm always in the outermost seat of second row, in the side of the class opposite the door. That way, my mind reasoned, I can always get up easily, cross the room and to the door, instead of shuffling past people or moving around chairs and all. Everything I do makes perfect sense in my head, but when I try to explain it, people don't usually get it. So I am content with just keeping everything inside.

I get moodswings. Lou wondered if I had manic depression disorder (read: bipolar). I'm quite sure I don't. But I can turn from happy and loud to comtemplative in a sec. Xin Wei was quite convinced I have ADD. So did I, since I seemed to be quite hyper and stuff, but I later checked that symptoms of ADD are similar to the symptoms that people who had hearing loss before have, so I'm attributing all those to the hearing loss prob. I'm sure, though, I've got a touch of OCD and paranoia somewhere.

And I'm not sure if something is wrong somewhere, but I've been getting headaches frequently, even more so since college started.

Cheers.

My Eyes Are So Tired I Feel Like Dropping Off

2010-01-19T21:48:00.003+08:00

Today we made crystals in chem.

It was nickel sulphate crystals which we made from nickel carbonate (green powder) and sulphuric acid. Pavallam and I teamed up together and she went and measured the nickel carbonate while I set up the apparatus.

We started off on the wrong foot with Ms Kana 'cause instead of using a 100ml beaker to mix the acid and powder, we accidentally used the 250ml beaker! So she came around and told us off and we were cringing (think of Pain and Panic from Hercules saying, 'We are worms! Worthless worms!' to get my point). Hurriedly went and correct the mistake. Took us a few bloody tries to get the Bunsen Burner up because here in HELP, they use the Bunsen burners that are connected to the gas line and non of us had any idea what to do so there was quite a bit of experimenting before we got it right. Wasted quite a few matches along the way. Which is weird because I've got these same matches in my house and they burn for about 12 seconds (I used to count) before they went out but apparently it works differently in HELP's laboratory.

I took the first shift to stir the mixture and make sure it was OK while Pav placed the measured amount of nickel carbonate into the acid a little at a time. At first, it was pale green, and I was a bit envious of the deep, emerald green Fiona and Yvonne had while ours was a light pathetic colour compared to theirs. After adding a bit more nickel carbonate, however, our solution turned a nice green.

After determining that the solution was in excess (which was required), Pav decided to return to the weighing machine with the weighing bottle containing the remainder of the unused NiCO3 to check the amount of powder we did use. Just around that moment, Ms Kana was shouting out instructions. 'When you have determined your solution is in excess, take the weighing bottle and weigh it again to find out how much you used!'

Since we were in the front table, I turned around and casually mentioned, 'That's what we're doing.'

'Good,' she said approvingly. 'That shows you are a thinking student.' Smirks all around.

Pav came back and after doing the math, she told me it was 2.96g and I turned to the board. 'Hey! That's the exact number Ms Kana mathed out!' (New word: mathed. Noun? Definition: to determine by mathematical equations)

So we were both bloody happy about it. Later when Ms Kana found out, she explained that it was supposed to be in excess, so that meant we had to use more than 2.96g, a fact that we oh-so-conveniantly forgot about. But hey, screw it. The solution couldn't dissolve anymore powder lah. So Pav took up the stirring while I checked the flame (couldn't be too hot and stuff). Once stirring was completed, I filtered the solution while Pav started cleaning up. Fiona and Yvonne were around the same track as we were.

After filtering, though, we had to saturate the solution by boiling it again. Ms Kana had made a joke earlier about how some of her students glare at the solution trying to make it boil faster via mental powers. Since there wasn't much to do, I was joking around with Fi and Yvonne and I held out my hand, palm towards the boiling solution, Merlin-style...

...and had the shock of my life when Ms Kana said suddenly, 'Oh, so the magic power comes from your hand huh?'

I gave that sort of nervous laugh you would've encountered before and brushed it off with some BS. After saturating the solution, I was starting to get nervous 'cause everyone else was pouring their solution into a Petri dish while ours had just finished boiling. So Pav poured it onto the dish and a thin layer of crystal floated on the top, as well as along the sides of the beaker. We were quite pleased since the book said to stop boiling and pour into Petri dish when crystals are formed at the side, but we needed to check. So Pav took the Petri dish to Ms Kana and her answer was, 'Clever girl!'

OK, will admit that we felt quite proud. Everyone gathered around to see our crystals and Ee Lyn complimented it as well. But later we scared ourselves silly when we heard Ms Kana go, 'And it's no good if it starts forming crystals immediately after it's being poured out.' Oh, bugger. 'If it's white it's turning into an anhydrous salt.' Check for white. No white. Phew. Then when she checked out dishes, she glanced at one, 'Turning into powder for sure,' and another one, 'That's going to turn into powder.' Bugger, the second one was ours!

So now we have absolutely no clue if our crystals will turn out fine or not because of all the contradictory words she said. Honestly, if she wasn't such a good teacher...even now I'm starting to get a weird, without-basis, but undeniably bad impression about her.

Physics we did some experiments which was pretty boring. After which I headed straight to Wisma HELP for Msian Studies and met up with Jeya, who told me that Ms Kana was actually her father's second cousin! I mean, wth? Is nepotism alive and kicking in HELP now? I mean, of course it's not really nepotism but c'mon, must we bump into relatives wherever we go?

Had a really good talk with Jeya. And was crossing my fingers for the pres. Before we started had quite a bit of time, so I turned around and talked to Dhiren, who was saying to me, 'We can still put in a virus into his (Mr Asri, I think) laptop.'

'Really?' I was interested. 'How?'

He shrugged. 'You just write a virus and stick it into his laptop.'

'How do you do that?'

'Just download a virus-writing program and just send it to him.'

Shock, horror. 'Can you do that? I mean, isn't it illegal?'

He smirks. 'Yeah, but I'm a certified legal hacker.'

Whoa. Apparently Dhiren is a legal hacker (certified) by some higher powers (didn't catch that bit) and his uncle owns this hacking company where they hack into someone's site and try to get around the system and later report to the company about how to prevent hackers like them. It's a IT version of security consultancy.

'Ah.' I said; I have heard about this before. 'White hat.' Felt proud I did research on Timothy McGee from NCIS and followed the white hat link.

'Ha,' he seems pleased that I've heard of the term. 'You know about white hats? What about gray hats?' (P.S. White hats are ethical hackers)

'Uh...people who are the real hackers?'

'No that's a black hat. Gray hats are people who hack for money.'

Ooh. I learn something new every day. We watched the other teams hand up their pen drives. Dhiren was telling me, 'Or we could just plug in a 10-megabyte file which is so big he'll not be able to open it. Nothing wrong on our side, but his computer will have problem.'

Gave him a look because I wanted to get the pres over with lah, not sabo the lecturer's comp.

The boys, especially How, seriously exceeded my expectations for the pres. Seriously! How was such a genius at presenting; he even included examples for the definition of a Malay bit. And he was interrupted halfway when Sir told someone off for using their phone. Call from instructor, apparently. How dissipated the tension by saying, 'OK lah, I forgive you.'

After our pres, three guys came up to do the Factors of Migration of Chinese. Lily and I both noticed that the two red-shirt guys (one of whom was called Clarence Ang, I think; saw him raise his hand during roll call) were really cute. Then How, who seemed to know what we were thinking or just playing, leaned forward and asked us, 'Hey, those two guys up there very cute right?' Lily retorted that How was gay. 'No lah, that guy in my class one!'

Haha.

Later did I truly realise how crazy (in a good way) Lily is. Some examples of her craziness:

Example 1
Presenting Fella: ...and they were bought to Malaya by Long Jaafar.'

Lily: Hey, Short Jaafar.

Example 2
Presenting Fella: ...these are only small statistics because not many Indians came over and married local women.

Lily: Yeah, 'cause they married local men!

Example 3
(Presenting Fella points to a map of China during his presentation)

Lily: He looks like a weatherman.

Example 4
(Lecturer talking about Parameswara and how he was running from Siam 'cause he killed Temagi)

Lily: Mm, Temagi. Sounds like some sort of food. Teppanyaki. Temagi.

Now you see what I mean when I said she was crazy.

Cheers.

Knee Deep In History Isn't A Comfortable Place To Be

2010-01-15T21:40:00.001+08:00

I am stuck.

My head hurts. I am on the brink of insanity. Overstatement perhaps but true nevertheless.

Malaysian Studies is a killer. Really. It's given me a migraine for the past few days. Hence the short post today.

See, lecturer for MS gave my group this title to work on: Factors of Migration of Malays to M'sia. And we've (meaning the girls in the group - the guys have all but disappeared) have been absorbing radiation from our respective computers/laptops trying to Google anything and everything related to the bloody title and we came up with negative numbers.

That's how bad it is.

Anyway, we've agreed on the intro and part of the mid pieces and our second discussion is at 10 pm on Sunday so if you guys can contribute anything let me know alright?

Our Moral Studies, on the other hand, was utterly fascinating. Ms Geetha went through with us on morality and how gray it seems at times and all. There was a bit when we were discussing pre-marital sex, and she asked who was for it. A number (mostly guys, as you can imagine) raised their hands. 'Why?' she asked. Some wise-guy answered:

'Practice makes perfect.'

Cheers.

Follow The Path And See Where It Takes You

2010-01-10T20:54:00.003+08:00

Ever since I started college, I've been trying to figure out the answer to the one question that's got me thinking about for a very long time. It started way back when a friend and I were discussing what would happen after Form 5 and she mentioned that she was really excited for college to start. My answer was, 'Why?'

People I talk to keep telling me they're excited for college and again I asked why. I got answers like, College is a new start! You make new friends, learn new things! Besides, college is the time life really begins! Or something of the sort.

I don't get it. It doesn't make sense. So it's a new start. Good. You make new friends. Great. You learn new things. Brilliant. But. It's. Still. School. Sort of. Class would be a better word. I don't see people getting this excited for secondary. You're giving me that look that says, How can secondary (We're a Commonwealth country, people. Down here it's not called high school, it's secondary! Geez, get it right or go to US of A!) school compare to college? I say, however not? It's a new start. You make new friends. You learn new things.

Don't see a difference.

But still, I tried. People keep gushing on how college is a once-in-a-lifetime thing, and how much they like it. I tried, honest, I did. But until now, I have yet to find something I really liked about college. Sure, I like the classes, and the nice lecturers who inject a bit of wit into lessons, and the nice facilities and all, but besides that...

I can't seem to wrap my mind around the notion that college is this great, unattainable thing when to me, it's just an extension of secondary school. Till now, nada.

I'm not particularly liking college at the moment.

People going to my college will kill me when they hear, but I refuse to act like it's okay when it's not.

Anyway, I'm trying to study a bit of Physics before class tomorrow but I'm failing miserably when encountered with the computer. We've got college tomorrow.

I'm cheered. Truly I am.

Distinction Is The Key To Success or What Makes You Stand Out From The Crowd

2010-01-10T20:14:00.002+08:00

I am distinct.

Not unique. Distinct.

You might wonder what the distinction between the both are, but I assure you, there is a difference. Distinct is defined as "distinguishable to the mind or eye as discrete" while unique means "being without a like or equal". People like to declare themselves as unique, that there is not one person like them in the world. Indeed, I can't fully blame them; people around them, parents most often, tell their children that they are unique, individuals, special.

But if you think about it, just a little deeper, you'll realise that at the core of it, everyone is just like everyone else. Sure, they look different in terms of physical appearance, but what makes us, us is the influences around us. People are shaped by the surrounding factors. Some people might feel attracted by a certain factor e.g. a rock band while others might be influenced by another factor e.g. a boyband. Since unique is being without a like or equal, how can we declare someone as unique if they've got the same interests as a thousand other people?

There's a riddle that goes:

God does not see it; a king seldom does.
Constantly encountered, but oft not recognised.

Answer: An equal.

Only God is unique.

We may not be unique, but we are distinct. We share common interests, but there is still a part of us that is very likely to have almost to no contact with other people. That is the essence of ourselves, the tiny part that is fully us, unshaped and uninfluenced by anyone else.

I am distinct.

Take a stand.

Just When You Thought It Couldn't Get Any Lamer

2010-01-05T15:47:00.003+08:00

Note to self: Don't screw the bloody cap on my water bottle tightly because it's murder trying to unscrew it later when I want a drink. My forefinger and thumb is starting to peel. But the thing is, I can't help but screw it tightly 'cause I'm paranoid that if I don't, the bloody thing is going to leak water into my bag if I put it sideways.

Alright, first day of class. Came early and everything. Went into the room. Made some friends aka Yvonne, Fiona, Shar, Ee Lyn, Xin Yi (I think that's how you spell it), another Daniel, Kit and Yen. So we were there, waiting for the Maths teacher for one hour until a HELP aide finally showed up and said class was cancelled 'cause the teach had emergency leave. So everyone gumbled a bit and this guy sitting near the door (later found out that his name is Mark) asked the aide in a conspirating voice, 'Pregnant ah?'

Daniel (will refer to him as Meng from now on) and I decided to get something to eat, and we met Ee Lyn and her pal on the way, and she bought us to the cafeteria beneath Wisma E&C. The economy rice was not bad, quite cheap, and they also sold chee cheong fun.

Meng opted for the rice while I decided against eating 'cause I had a large breakfast. Then Fiona, Yvonne, Elle (yes there is another girl called Elle - thank God I intro-ed myself as Ely. And again, even the Chem teacher Ms Kana pronounced her name as Ellie. Gosh, people it's ELLE like the letter! L!), Lee Shean-Woei and Keisha (I think her name was) sat with us and then came the great epidemic that was bound to hit college kids sooner or later: The Contact Exchange Disease (CED). We were exchanging contact numbers like no one's bloody business but after all that, felt bored and so I left for the next class: Chemistry, in the lab which was named Curie Science Labs after Marie and Pierre Curie.

Sat at the tables outside, then ate a nut bar 'cause I was hungry. Finished it just as Meng and Ee Lyn entered, and a girl approached our table, asking if we are in Group B like she is. Turns out she's Su Peen from Korea and she's here for six years to study. So we started talking and all and went into the chem lab together.

Sitting at my table was Fiona, Yvonne, and Su Peen. In Chem, Ms Kana made us write down our general biodata and hand it up to her. Questions included name and conatct number, email address, parents' name and number, course we wish to take and what university. I wrote Biochemistry and University College Dublin. She then proceeded to tell us what we would be studying and all that as well as rules and regulations. Must wear lab coat. Must have goggles. Must wear close-toed shoes. Must wear long pants. Break any of these rules and it's get the hell out of my class.

Afterwards, she went through the biodata list and called us up to introduce ourselves, where we are from, where we stay and asked us to say something interesting about ourselves. In the beginning people were clapping, but by the time it came to me, they stopped. And Ms Kana was really funny and witty and smart. She's got a Bachelor of Science (Hons) and a Master of Science (Biochemistry), the exact same course I wanted to go for. I knew this 'cause in the paper she gave us which had our topics and all, a small bit at the beginning had her name and qualifications.

When she found out there were 3 pediatrician-wannabes (Ee Lyn was one of them) in our class, she nodded to herself. 'So that means I can leave my kids with you to babysit lah?' Yeah, you get what I mean. Khoo Jun Kit (remember him Puay Chai leavers? One of the smartest kids in school.) wrote on his biodata (Which university you wanna go to) and answered, Harvard, Oxford, Cambridge, which ever university that loves me. Perasan-ed lah.

When it came to my turn I was a bit nervous 'cause I absolutely loathe these sort of getting to know you thing. But what the heck.... When she called out my name (mispronouncing it as usual) I corrected her before comprimising, 'You can call me Ely.' So I started with, 'Can you guys hear me?' 'cause you know I speak damn soft. A couple of guys (one of them I later knew as Andrew) gave me the thumbs-up.

'Hi, I'm Elyssia, but since people mispronounce my name all the time, you can call me Ely. I'm from SMK Taman SEA in PJ but I live in KL, don't ask me why. I am planning to go for Biochemistry in the future--'

Ms Kana cut in. 'Hey, I did biochemistry as well! You're just like me.'

So I laughed a bit and said, 'Yeah. And I'm planning to go to University College Dublin which is in Ireland or somewhere in Canada. I don't want to go to Australia because lots of people are going there and New Zealand is a bit too isolated. And UK and US is just...well,' and I gave a you-know-lah type of shrug even though I meant it as a I-don't-know-what-the-hell-to-say-so-yeah. And I sat down, the whole class started clapping for me again!!!

WIN!!

After that we had lunch and I went back to cafeteria to eat economy rice and met up with Fiona and Yvonne. Also met with Andrew, Rachel and Alex. Started the CED again. Andrew even remembered my name. He tried pronouncing it and then when I started to correct him, he was like, 'Wait. You told us to call you Ely, right?'

Nice. At least he tried pronouncing it.

Then went back to Curie Science Labs for Physics. This time I was smart and took the front table. Teach was Ms Shirley. We did the introducing thing another time, and when it was my turn I said my name, and that I liked Physics 'cause I had a good teacher (didn't mention that it was a tuition teacher, but hey, Mr Yeoh was a genius) and that I hoped to continue my Physics with that same like. Then she chuckled a bit and said, 'Wah, giving me pressure ah!'

After that she asked us if we had any questions. Andrew (I think) asked her age; she deferred it by saying that she was much, much older than us though she looked quite young. Early to mid thirties, I'd guess. Then she mentioned she's just started working here and she was the only female Physics lecturer in HELP. She then revealed that she had a daughter, seven weeks old. Everyone was a bit surprised 'cause, c'mon, her kid's seven weeks old and she's here teaching us? She explained that she had to since it was Jan intake, and when further probed, mentioned that her mother-in-law was caring for the kid.

Then someone asked her why didn't she bring the kid to work, and she shook her head, 'I don't have to. She's here,' tapping her head. So sweet I tell you! Then someone asked the kid's name, and she looked around, saying, 'We got a student here called Ely right?' Fiona pointed to me; again, she couldn't pronounce my name hence the Ely title. Ms Shirley nodded. 'Yeah, my daughter is called Elizabeth (pronounced Elle-lizabeth instead of the traditional E-lizabeth). My husband choose one. Yerr.'

The whole class burst out laughing.

After that she gave us a refresher and gave us some exercises regarding some prefixs and uncertainty. When that was done, we went home.

Oh, btw, went down earlier to pick up my sis from the car. It was raining, and the dog was barking like hell so I chained him to the door and let him in. Then I went and refilled his water and came back hurriedly when I heard my dad honking since he was dropping off my sis before picking up my mum. So I left the sliding door open and grabbed the umbrella, ran to the gate (which I'd unlocked earlier) and pushed it open to run out to the car. I held the umbrella in front of the passenger door and my sis was gesturing wildly at the sliding door. I turned around, saw my dog standing in the porch (still chained to the door, though with the rain and all you can't see the chain properly) and he was barking again. My sis was still gesturing wildly and I shouted at her, 'He's already chained up!'

One thing you need to know: my dog is the gentlest dog in the earth but let him out of the gate without a leash on and he bloody runs around like it's his personal playground. Seriously, we've gone through it many times where someone left the gate open accidentally, and since we don't usually chain the dog, he shoots out like a streak of lightning, and he goes around the whole bloody neighbourhood and refuses to come back till he's done. So he can run out like early morning and return at eleven at night. It's bloody frustrating, especially to Dad who had to run around to catch him. Coaxing the dog with food does not work. He'll only return when he's done.

Finally got sis out the car and when I was locking the gate, she told me that Dad was close to having a coronary because he thought the dog was free and he kept yelling at my sister, 'The dog's not tied up! He's not tied up!' and he was a bit hysterical apparently 'cause he thought dog was gonna escape again. Sis and I were laughing at that.

Alright, Eng Hoe's gonna murder me for writing a long post again but I can't help it so shut up yeah? All of you, tell me how was your first day of college right?

Cheers.

P.S. Eng Hoe asked if Meng was a potential bf just 'cause I keep on mentioning him. The thing is, he's the first friend I made on orientation and we've hung out since. But today he decided to go hang out with another bunch (since all the new friends he's making are girls, thanks to me) and I felt a bit betrayed (even though I had no reason to be since it's totally his choice and I can't force him to do anything) so no, he's not bf potential.

Free-IQTest.net

2010-01-04T14:42:00.002+08:00

Free-IQTest.net - IQ Score

Yay! And when I went and checked what my score stood for, I was cheering again.

Why?

Because 120-140 is Very Superior Intelligence!!!

Last time I checked I got 115 which was Superior Intelligence, so I'm not sure if my IQ rose or if I'm getting too used to the questions and therefore it seems easier.

I'm going with the first option.

Oh, and here's the page I looked at in case you wanna know.
http://wilderdom.com/intelligence/IQWhatScoresMean.html

I liked this bit.

High IQ & Genius IQ
Genius IQ is generally considered to begin around 140 - 145, representing ~. 25 % of the population (1 in 400). Here's a rough guide:
115 - 124 - Above average (e.g. university students)
125 - 134 - Gifted (e.g. post-graduate students)

And it goes on but what do I care? At age 17, I, a Pre-U scholar, has the IQ of a post-graduate student. Haha.

Anyway, the reason I'm doing this is because there's a 10 year old genius in our Jan intake who is most likely going to be in our class. His name is Ainan Cawley and his dad's a Physicist. Apparently his two younger brothers are geniuses (genii) as well so it's going to be OMG.

Cheers.

HELP Orientation

2010-01-03T16:17:00.003+08:00

It's Sunday and yesterday was my first day at HELP for the orientation. And we'll be having another one tomorrow, don't ask why. Class starts officially on Tuesday.

As I was saying, I got up at 6 (school time as usual), got dressed and everything and headed off to HELP since it started at 8. Reached at 7.30, sat in the car till 7.45 a.m. and promptly went off to register.

Which was good because after I finished registering, there were loads of people waiting to register as well. They had lines queued up alphabetically, and the first two lines (A-G and H-M or N) were bloody congested by the time the clock struck 8. So it was lucky I came early.

Was chatting on the phone with Erina dear who kept worrying that she was underdressed since she came in jeans and the girls she saw walking up to HELP wore mini-skirts. And then she got worried because she hasn't registered for HELP Jan Intake and she needed her dad's signature but he'd already left, claiming, and I quote Erina, that "You're a big girl now and you need to be independant."

Then Lou came by, and she lined up for her registration while Erina was busy panicking over her predicament. Somehow we met Chow Ern, Ivory and Ivan at the registration. Bit surprised really. I thought there were more Taman SEA people going to HELP. Misconception, it seems.

We were hanging about the registration when they ushered us into the conference hall. So I left Lou behind and went ahead with Rin and Ivory. After debating where to sit ("I don't want to sit in the front!" from Erina) we decided on one of the rows near the entrance. Erina's friend Kevin was due ot arrive so we booked places: one for Chow Ern (Ernie, she insisted, apparently), Ivory, me, Erina and Kevin in that order. But after Ivory and Rin ciao to walk around a bit, someone came and took Ernie's place. Then this guy came and sat in Kevin's place.

Which was bad since I didn't know how to shoo them off. I'm normally not that tongue-tied but hey, first day in a place I don't know lah. Cut me some slack. Tried calling Rin but no, she just had to leave her phone in her oversized, bottomless, blackhole-esque bag....

...which was right next to me. *sighs*

After a while only did they come back with Ernie and Kevin in tow, but after seeing the helpless look on my face and the girl that took Ernie's place, Ivory and Ernie went to find seats at the back while Erina not-so-politely (OK, joking) shooed the fella out of Kevin's seat. Then since Ivory's seat was empty, I gestured at it and yep, he took the hint and sat down beside me. Felt a bit bad so I apologised and we exchanged names and a bit of general info.

It seems that he was Daniel Lim from Penang, where people had never heard of HELP before. He came to HELP 'cause 3 of his cousins were here, and he was staying quite near the college so he walks here every day. He reminded me a bit of William Tang only with nicer features. But personality-wise, he reminded me a lot of Ben.

Then in between pauses by the lecturer, I was introduced to Kevin and I intro-ed Erina to Daniel. After a bit though, Kevin had to go out to finish registering (dunno what that was all about) and he came back later but after the lecturer went through the A-Levels bit, we checked the schedule and saw they were going to give some business/law lecture which Kevin had no interest in so he left early. By that time it was around eleven so we decided to take a break and the five of us (me, Daniel, Rin, Ernie and Ivory) decided to go makan at some mamak store.

Only thing was, mamak store was closed, so we backtracked and bought some stuff from Giant, and Daniel was properly introduced to Ernie and Ivory. He got a bit confused over Rin's name ("Erica, is it?" "No it's Erina.") but she didn't seem to notice. So after our foodstuff we were bored and decided to go back and hear the lecture because, what the heck, it was air conditioned. So we came back in time for the law lecture, where the lady was telling us something called Citizen's Right of Arrest (I think).

According to this law, we citizens have a right to arrest perpetrators if we see a crime being commited and bring them to the balai polis where the police will re-arrest them. The thing they emphasised on was you had to SEE the crime, and view it, witness it, not based on hearsay. And she related this true story that happened due to the misunderstanding of the law.

'It's Saturday, right,' she said, 'and let's say, tomorrow, Sunday, you go to Lake Gardens. And this fellow is walking along there when he hears a woman shouting, "Help! Help! Help!" And no, she's not there to advertise us,' which really got us cracking up because she said the Help bit in such a droll, monotonous way it really did seem a lot more advertising and less crying for assistance. 'What do you think is going on with the woman?'

Someone shouted out, 'Robbery.'

She nodded. 'Robbery. Good. In the next class I heard them say, "Rape."'

Which was privately what I had in mind.

'And so he sees this man running off in the opposite direction. He went up and whacked the guy, and got people to come and help, and everyone started throwing him on the ground and tying up his hands and brought him to the police station...where they found out he just happened to be jogging.'

She continued to explained how it would be like if the jogger decided to bring the bunch of people to court and sue them. Really interesting bit. Would be nice to pursue.

After that we had this stupid ice-breaking session, which I absolutely abhorred. ("The only way I'll ever enjoy an ice-breaking session is if they give us a block of ice and a large knife!") First they got us girls to stand because the A-Levels student council secretary was (apparently) looking for a girlfriend. Then when he didn't rise up to the bait, the emcee (also in the student council) cheekily commented, 'OK then. Guys, stand up. He obviously prefers men,' which got everyone hooting.

The president of the SC had this green T-shirt on which had the words, 'Blow Me.' Me, Rin and Ernie were laughing at that. Then the PR guy for the SC (they've even got a bloody PR guy!) who was using the laptop plugged into the projector was busy typing out their names and contact numbers. He even typed the words "I'm single!!!!" under the president's cell phone number.

That got people laughing.

After ice-breaking we went on the campus tour which was bloody confusing. Daniel sat beside me on the bus and when we were walking, Erina and Ernie were busy comparing heights and Daniel was telling me, 'Erina's very tall.' After a bit he glanced in the general direction and said again, 'That blue shirt girl is taller than Erina.' A beat. 'Oh, she's wearing heels.'

The tour was okay, but it was seriously hot as an oven that day. They kept bringing us to see the facilities which, due to it being a Saturday, were closed. Then we'd have enough and a girl was saying, 'Is there anything else to see?'

The tour guide nodded. 'Yes, the library but it's closed today.'

'Oh,' the girl replied flippantly. 'One closed door looks the same as the others. Let's go back to the shuttle bus.' She seems really witty. One of Jen Wei's pals.

We were halfway through the tour when it started pouring so we rushed back into the shuttle bus back to the main campus. Bloody cramped. At least I managed to get a seat.

Moral of the story, kids: Run for the bus and take the first seat available.

Cheers.

Brand New Day

2010-01-01T17:42:00.003+08:00

Hey all.

Well, tomorrow's a big day since it's the HELP Academy orientation. Yes, I am going to HELP for A-Levels. Sweet. Anyway, I've got to stop staying up late (by late I mean till past midnight) and get some early shut-eye tonight because the orientation's starting at 8.00am and I have to be there before that. Don't worry, it's not strictly in the schedule that you have to be there before eight, but I'm a bit paranoid.

And I'm trying to perfect my posture. Lately, my holidays comprise of me hunching over my laptop (which I'm on practically 24/7. Bad, I know) and I know I don't exactly have the best posture but it really hit me when I realised I was hunching so bad till my face was two inches away from the screen. So I've made up my mind to sit straight. Feel free to berate me if you see me hunching.

The good news: Good posture. Bad news: It bloody hurts my back. It's like you've been huncing so long it feels painful to sit up straight again because the weight of your head is completely on your spine again, and it's agony. But the funny thing is, when I try to hunch back, I am forced to sit up straight again. Mainly because it feels weird to hunch when all my weight is focused on my spine after so long.

So, I'm planning to buy some new trainers (read: sport shoes. They call them trainers in England though) cause now I only have one good pair and one not-so-good pair which I will not wear to college and I can't stand the idea of wearing the same pair of shoes consistently for a week without break. It's bad for your feet. And don't tell me to wear sandals or slippers because 1. If something bad happens (hey, the world's not safe anymore) I'd like to wear something I can run in and not have that annoying slapping sound when I do and 2. I'd be walking around the whole day to get to classes and all. Might as well get comfortable.

Besides that, I'm planning to go stationery shopping for a good, durable notebook. I've got 3, but I have a feeling that my purple notebook is falling apart even though it's got about half left. When I say falling apart I mean the only thing keeping it all together are strips after strips of cellophane tape (which, for some reason, I affectionately call "Spellotape" just like Lou) Really. I have no idea what happened to the binding. One day it was fine, the next day the whole book split from its cover. The second notebook I have is a dark blue one I got from a college amnd haven't used yet, but I doubt it be appropriate to show up at HELP's orientation using a KDU notebook. The third one I have is an IDP Australian notebook they gave us when they wanted us to sign up for IELTS but I dunno. I have an aversion to it.

Yes, I realise I'm being picky over something like a notebook, but I firmly believe that taste is everything. Don't buy something just because your friend has it, or because it's the new thing in town, but buy it only if you really like it. Taste is a way of defining one's self. I got that from a book.

It's weird though. Before I read that book I was the type who'd buy stuff just 'cause my sister has it or because my friend has it or maybe it was the latest thing in town but after reading that, I've started limiting myself to buy only what I really liked.

Like pens. All my pens must fulfill certain conditions.

1. The ink must be dark enough to be seen clearly but not so dark that it will stain my books.

2. The nib of the pen must be just right. Sharp and clean, not thick and dirty. Some of you may have noticed that I obsessively clean the nib of all my pens (especially my G1s) before I use them. And clean obsessively a few times if it's not clean enough. I like my words to look sharp and neat without smudges.

3. Must be smooth to write with. As a writer I tend to mentally narrate things in my head. Including mundane facts and details. I have this habit that manifests frequently where, if I'm watching a movie or something, I tend to third-person describe it in my head. Like, in Merlin, when Morgana was fighting a mercenary in The Moment of Truth, my head goes, Swinging the sword in a wide arc above her head, Morgana slashed the mercenary just below his chest, her fury manisfesting itself in a deep, red gash across his torso. Some of my favourites include Her slender fingers dancing across the keyboard as she typed it out and The pen gliding across the paper in a smooth motion. See the smoothness of the action and the way it flows together? Haha, crapping, but yes, it would totally kill the mood to have such a great scene in your head and when you try to put it to paper, your pen screws up. The mood's gone. Bugger.

4. Preferably it's not a retractable pen. You know, the type where you click the top and the nib comes out from the bottom. I've come to the conclusion that most ball point pens (for me) are of quite cheap standard and their ink is not dark enough/the nib is too thick and makes my words look miserably horrific. Besides, I get buggering annoyed when someone keeps clicking their pen repeatedly. Click-click. Click-click. Click-click. I feel like murdering myself.

Or at the very least, snatch the pen from the annoyance in question and jamming it through his throat like a shish-kebab.

People like YOU are the reason why people like ME need medication.

After experimenting with blah a lot of pens, I've narrowed it down to 3 types: the G-1 0.5 Gel pen which I'm currently using throughout my whole school life, the Faber-Castell 0.7 Fine SS7 ballpoint pen (even though I'm used to 0.5, I fell in love when the pen when I first used it) and a particular G-Soft pen that I received as a gift from the EdBoard. Forgot the brand but it was bloody smooth.

What else? Ooh, I managed to download Morgane by Jacqui McShee thanks to this Youtube to Mp3 converter I downloaded for free! If you want to hear the song, it's in one of the notes on my Facebook profile so look me up and click on notes OK? The link's all there. It's genius. It's from Excalibur The Celtic Rock Opera and it took me a bugger long time to search and realise I can't download it. Hence, the converter. It's all from Morgane's (Morgana's) POV and it tells about her feelings against Camelot and her half-brother, Arthur Pendragon.

I have a huge obsession with stationery. You could leave me in a shop like Popular and I'd go balistic at the pens and pencils and all the yummy notebooks. Yes, I'd like a spiral-bound notebook with separators that have pockets in them (keep notes and leaflets very well) as well as a nice, attractive cover on the front that screams my name whenever you see it. Well, not literally scream my name (that would be cool though) but just that when you see it, you'll know it's mine because no one else can pull off such an insanely-looking but cool notebook except me. Yes, bragging rights here.

Anyway, I'll probably be seeing Erina and Lou at HELP, not to mention Ivan and Hui Ying (was it?) who won the SASA scholarship. As well as this fella nicknamed Batman whom I'm anxious to meet in person...At least I got all my payments and everything done. Even had my student ID done when I was there before Christmas.

So, you people who read my blog, keep in touch with me, leave a note in my cbox, and just generally tell me stuff about your lives.

Cheers.

Succumbing to the Night

2009-12-27T20:06:00.002+08:00

I feel confused, deep inside
Where to go, left or right
Everywhere I turn there's no escape

I try to hide myself
Flee from the things I fear to face
Why can't I stand up strong and brave?

The darkness inside consumes me
Fills me, draws me into it
Should I succumb? Should I resist?

To protest would be the right choice
But my soul is tempted beyond all doubt
I feel drawn into the dark

I watch it take over
I watch it pull me in
And I will never be alone

Can The Arms of Mercy Bring Rescue?

2009-12-15T17:39:00.002+08:00

I am at my breaking point.

I just need someone to pull me out.

Escape theories. Avoidance mechanisms. Loosely translated as submerging myself in the fantasy world. It's the only thing that keeps me sane. I am this close to snapping like a rubber band.

One day I am going to buy a large house and I will be the only one living there. One person in a big house might seem a bit out of sorts for you, but trust me, it's the only way I can survive. I need space and peace and quiet, and the only time I will break that silence is when I play music on this turntable in the library. Then I will settled down on the couch, with a glass of red wine or whiskey or scotch or bourbon and I will pick up a book and read while Time to Say Goodbye is playing in the background. And I will feel calm and at peace and I will not want to leave the house ever.

It's very likely that none of you who are my friends will ever get an invitation to my house, current or future. It's not personal; it's just that I am very possessive and territorial and I don't like people enroaching on my territory. In this future scenario, I will most likely become a recluse and will probably never marry. As a result, I will die alone.

The morbidity of my thoughts signify how close I am to loosing control.

And that's something I'd rather not experience.

Story of Life

2009-12-15T11:07:00.002+08:00

Hello, all.

Fasten your seatbelts for the inane story of my life.

With the Christmas cheer in the air, I'm feeling a lot more charitable than I usually am. It's just the little things though, like letting my sister play a game on the laptop after she's tired of studying for her exam, not to mention that I felt guilty for hogging the laptop for the better part of most day and needed to take a break from the radiation that was attacking my tired eyes anyway.

However, I'm starting to feel bored. I can summarise my time spent online with several links: Ashwinder, youtube, tv.com, wikipedia, fanfiction.net and of course, my blog which links me to other people. I'm not very outgoing (although I am, apparently, social) but I'm starting to have cabin fever. And it's very frustrating. So the only way to occupy my time is to work on my story which I have yet to find a proper title for.

Again, it's very frustrating, but I'm making some progress with it. Instead of jumping into it headlong like I used to do, as in putting my characters in the story as though they've been doing this for years, I've decided to use a more natural approach, where they start out together, go through the same courses and training and stuff. There would probably be a lot of cat-fights but there might not. It's just a thought.

Another reason for my frustration is the fact that I don't get to see the friends I want to talk to online. They'll come on a while and then log off, leaving me with a feeling of unsatisfaction. Those who come online are people who can't keep up with me, which is because I use a lot of non sequiturs (which I just recently realised).

Word of the Day: Non sequitur
Meaning: A statement (as a response) that does not follow logically from or is not clearly related to anything previously said.
In Other Words: Random.

Which is weird because I never thought of myself as being random. And besides I've got a touch of OCD, I think. Again, I've recently discovered how bad it was (seems like I've got too much time on my hands to discover stuff about me I knew but never put much thought into about) when I bought a new pencil box and realised that I had too much junk to place everything inside.

So my sis very helpfully commented, 'That should teach you to remove all your junk from your old pencil box. See, my pencil box so empty,' she waved a hand at her own. Which, I had to admit, had nothing more than 3 pens inside. I was impressed, but the effect was spoiled when she grinned cheekily. 'Haha, it's only like this cause the rest of my stuff is on the table.' One look at the table and I cowered at the number of pens and mechanical pencils scattered around. And she complains about my junk.

Since she was so "knowledgable" about stuff like these, I asked her advice on what to put into my new pencil box (yes, I'm lame that way), which turned into me picking out what I wanted and her criticising my choices. After I finished, she waved a hand. 'Then dump everything inside lah.'

I was horrified. 'Cannot! First must put the sharpener on the left side. Then put in the pens and pencils I don't use much, and on top that the ones I use a lot..'

She rolled her eyes. 'What's the point of the "pens and pencils you don't use much" then?'

I stared at her. 'Just in case.'

She gave me another eye roll.

See, I even need to categorise where to place my stationery in my pencil box! I'm that nuts!

Yippee!

On a lighter note, I was talking to my sis about this friend of mine who had texted me saying that he was slowly dying because he liked this girl, who he was getting closer to everyday but he knows he can't have her. My initial reaction was, Drama-nya! When I told my sis, who is an expert at scathing remarks (and I thought I was good, same level lah really, just diff way we express it) 'You should go tell him, I hope you die faster then!' Dunno if you get the joke but it was hilarious when she said it.

Oh, one more thing. In our biology paper 1 for SPM, there was this question where they gave use a picture of a certain stage in cell division and they asked us which stage was it: Prophase, Metaphase, Anaphase or Telophase. It made quite an impact because it was so unclear no one could tell what it was.

Clearly it was still in everybody's mind when we came for our Chem tuition (ref last coupla posts). Mrs Foo was telling us about carbon compounds. It had this sub chapter where they were talking about coagulation of latex. So she drew out the diagram, which consisted of a large circle surrounded by negative ions (electrons) and inside the large circle (the latex) she drew several strands of lines all jumbled up together to signify the latex molecules. All of a sudden, some fella shouted, 'Teacher! Prophase!' The whole class burst into laughter.

Only after this class did I realise how Bio, Chem and Physics were tied together. To begin with, in Physics there are 3 gas laws: Boyle's Law, Charles' Law and Pressure Law. The general formula for this is PV/T. P for Pressure, V for Volume and T for Temperature in Kelvin.

For Boyle's Law, I remembered it by saying, Boyle has a fever, which means Temperature is constant, thus the equation is only PV. For Charles' Law, I said, Charles is under pressure, so you remove P from the equation and you get V/T. The last one left is, naturally, Pressure law.

So in chem class, Mrs Foo was telling us about rate of reaction. Then she went through all the experiments, how Ror increases when total surface area increases, stuff like that. One of it was pressure. When pressure increases, Ror increases. So Hui Yee asked if there was an experiment for that. Mrs Foo answered No, it's just in case they asked for structural. Then we've got our answers ready.

At this moment, the same guy said, 'Teacher, this one got experiment lah!'

Mrs Foo looked taken aback. 'What experiment?'

'Boyle's Law.'

Cheers.

Twelve, Twelve, Two Oh Oh Nine!!

2009-12-12T15:46:00.003+08:00

Well, hello.

Alright, just downloaded Internet Explorer 8 so there's a mite change in my computer format and stuff (not that you can see it anyway) and it takes a bit getting used to (no flames from you Mozilla Firefox and such people).

What day is today?

It's my birthday! (Strangely enough, I keep pronouncing it like burf-day instead of birthday).

Yes, well, we went to eat Prosperity burger. Dunno if I'm very sheltered or something, which I think I am, but ever since the Prosperity burger came out ages ago (I think a few years back) I never got the chance to eat it. Yeah, I can hear you people out there saying I sangat outdate punya. Anyway, Mum's always like it so I thought, yeah, worth a try.

Looked at the set - gotta love those curly fries. A bit salty but they're oh-so-yummy. Then I unwrapped the burger and I raised my eyebrow at the excessive amount of black-pepper sauce. 'They very rich ah?' I asked my sis. She shrugged and continued eating.

So I took a bite and Whoosh! Spicy! Excessive pepper. I like black pepper and all but this is really a bit too much. Okay, I don't really like black pepper. I can handle it if it's just a tiny sprinkle but this is just too much lah. Kept inhaling Pepsi down my throat.

We went to Secret Recipe and got some cake for me. Sis had the Chocolate Strawberry while I got the Chocolate Indulgence (2 layers white choc one layer dark) but it's still in the fridge. Gonna eat it tonight and watch Mentalist.

Patrick Jane rocks. Naming my future son after him. Patrick, I mean. Not Jane, heaven forbid.

Well, I'm going off to do some stuffs so I'll leave this here, yeah?

Cheers.

Venting and Tuition

2009-12-06T21:47:00.002+08:00

I'm not in a good mood today so let me vent without judging.

I hate people online who add me as a friend without even speaking to me. Don't quite understand? Let me give you a hint. I came online today and after weeks of eschewing Facebook, I finally logged in. Noticing the 2 new friend request on the sidebar I clicked on it to check it out. Two pictures came out and I felt like screaming.

The two people who just added me? They're not my friends at all. Yes, I understand we shouldn't judge and all that, that we must be friends with everyone, but seriously, these two people are two of the many schoolmates I've known by name only since Form 1 and have barely spoken ten sentences to them. Then, all of a sudden, they show up for a friend request.

I'm sorry if I'm breaking someone's heart but I get annoyed because I don't even know them. It irks me, really, that these people take stuff like friendship so lightly. Isn't it supposed to be some sacred bond? Now it seems like the "Add ___ As Your Friend" button is for people who think that, Yeah, we've been in the same school for years, I know who she is, that automatically makes her my friend.

A loud, resounding No is my answer.

You might think I'm thinking too much, reading too much in some harmless gesture, and maybe I am, but my mind can't stop analysing and criticising everything I come across. And so I will now take it one step further.

I will push the 'Ignore All' button that will clear my Facebook profile from all those annoying notices. Yes, including the two not-friends request, 1 group invitation, 6 page fan requests, and 100 applications.

It's done.

On a lighter note, we had our Chemistry tuition yesterday. It was from 10 am to 4 pm and it was long, but I managed to stay fresh, unlike certain people who had to chew gum to stay awake. (hehe, Wendy, that's you.)(No, Lou, it's not our Wendy, this is Wendy from BU4)

Was the first person to arrive. Was actually really scared I'd get there late cause Mrs Foo was combining both her Tuesday and Wednesday classes and I wanted to get a good seat. It was held in our Physics tuition class so I took my normal place.

Had a good start. She used two hours to go through Form 4 work, and there was a bit where she got a bit confused or something when she came to Salts, I think, cause she made a mistake.

Mrs Foo: Now, Zinc. Yellow when hot, white when cold. What about Lead?

It was brown when hot and yellow when cold, which was what the class was yelling. Maybe it was a bit of foot-in-mouth disease due to large number of students, but Mrs Foo said:

'Lead is brown when yellow.'

So the whole class, predictably, started laughing. Then it was nearing 12 o' clock, which was the time she let us off for a one and a half hours lunch break, when she asked us if there were any questions. Behind me, Elaine was murmuring,

'When we can go for lunch?'

So yeah, in the end we weren't sure where to lunch, so we followed the rest of the class down the stairs before we decided. Elaine and I talked about calling delivery, but she said she didn't want to eat McD. She told us of a newly-opened A&W instead, so we made our way there.

Initially it was me, Montri, Ben, Candice, Elaine and Wendy who were going, but TiMi and Kai Hsiang (did I spell his name right? And yes it's TiMi = Tim and Michelle) were a bit lost as to where to lunch so they tagged along. C, E and W got caught up in some clothes shop we walked past and went in. We weren't sure whether to wait for them or not but like Tim said, 'Like the pirates, whoever stays behind gets left behind!' we left them there and went on to A&W.

Bit hazy with directions but the A&W is in SS2 (duh!) and it's about the same row as the Tai Thong Dim Sum restaurant, opposite Eu Yan Sang. We went into A&W and were debating whether to order set or ala carte when Ben said, 'Order ala carte. I added it up, it's much cheaper than the set.' But I wanted to see what the others were eating so I turned around and asked TiMi and KH. 'Are you guys eating ala carte cause that's what we're having.'

Tim went, 'Huh? Ala carte? What's that?' Then his gf gave a lecture on him about how ala carte was just the item without the set and doesn't he know that? Apparently he's never heard of it before.

Then C, E and W joined us, but C and E said they didn't want to eat fast food so they'll walk around to find something else. Fine, then. Went ahead to order. Swung around to find that TiMi and KH had left as well. Montri was laughing.

'They left cause they no money!' I raised my eyebrow. Montri explained. 'Timothy opened his wallet and showed us he had no money!'

'Ask the gf pay for him lah,' I commented. Montri and Ben were laughing. 'She didn't bring money also. Wanted him to pay.'

Ye-ah.

So in the end it was just me, Montri, Ben and Wendy. And Wendy told us about the time the school called her dad up because she missed the Physics SPM test. Her dad ran frantically into her room and asked if she skipped the test. Turns out that she wanted to drop it but they didn't allow her to, so her HM suggested that she just not attend the test. Weird thing was, the school only called her dad after Paper 1 was over.

So we went back to tuition to find Elaine and Candice (who returned later) to be eating McD. Apparently they went to the market and all they sold there were raw fish and stuff so they had to revert back to McD.

Anyway, was feeling so tired after the whole tuition yesterday but at least it was productive.

Cheers.

Exams Woes

2009-12-04T22:01:00.003+08:00

Ah, finally! After 3 or so weeks of slaving for the dreaded SPM, I am back to update! I've got about 3-4 days of studying for my final exam which is *ching ching chin* CHEMISTRY!

To quote Lou, I've got chemistry with Chemistry. Oh yeah!

Bimbo moment over. Allow me that brief, fleeting second of insanity. In case you didn't know, SPM is a killer. Not that it's hard or anything (really, I find it easier compared to trials where I butchered my Add Maths) but it's the stress of the whole thing, how SPM is the one that determines your future and all that.

So, first paper: BM1, Sejarah 1 and BM2. I was frantic for BM1. I used my memory palace the day before to memorise 20 plus peribahasa (which I can still recite, I think, if you give me some time--such is the wonder of the memory palace). In the end, I didn't manage to use much of them, so, crossed fingers, hopefully I can get an A. Sejarah was relatively fine, BM 2, I managed to answer all the peribahasa questions! They mayn't be right but at least I (think) know what they were! Hurrah!

Second day was English 1, English 2 and Sejarah 2. English 1 - the essay - was a bit disappointing. I expected something better. The one word title - Beauty - and the story - End with "And we said goodbye and went our separate ways" - irked me. Firstly, the story's ending was shite, to put it politely. It was bound to be some soppy tale about two people meeting up, then realising they weren't meant for each other, and then end with the sentence above. It was so cliched, there wasn't much you could do with it. What else could you say? Then the one word title: Beauty. Melinda did something about feminine beauty, something of the sort, while Erina, being her usual despressing self, had to start with some character's death, who turned out to be her mum, and started talking about the mum's beauty.

I took a leaf out of my sister's book (she did something similar with the same title, just less adjectives and fancy words) and I wrote about this sorceress, Belle, who ruled a country as Queen. It was never said, but implied that at that time the country was weak and tidak maju. So I made her character strong and tough. Modelled her after Katie McGrath as Morgana in Merlin, who, if you haven't seen her picture (check my header), looks eeriely like the black-haired version of Keira Knightley. Really, when I saw her in Merlin my first reaction was, She looks so familiar. She reminds me of...OMG, don't tell me Keira dyed her hair for the show!!!

But no, it was Katie McGrath instead. And don't laugh, but I described Belle as "the product of an encounter with a vampire and Keira Knightley". I kid you not, I actually wrote that in my English SPM essay. The examiner's gonna laugh his ass off. So Belle's rumoured to be some wicked sorceress who rules with an iron fist. And her people call her Bellamorte (loosely translated as Killer of Beauty -- I made that up. Bella, Morte.) because they think that she killed virgins to steal their beauty and thus, forever remain mortal, because, according to them, how could someone with the face of an angel have a heart so black like she does?

"And that is incorrect, ladies and gentlemen!"

See, Belle's misunderstood. She's dark, but she realises that to memajukan her country, she has to establish it as a proud land who will not bow to defeat. Unfortunately, that meant being as evil as possible. It's kind of tough-love-ish, and as I'm tying this, I'm waiting for Miss Louise to call. Oi, what time you calling?

Anyway, the story starts with Ascarth, this tavern keeper who falsely accuses this peasant of stealing wine meant for the Sorceress Belle, and he gets her to throw the poor peasant in jail, even after the peasant begged for mercy, to which our girl replied, 'I value justice more than I value mercy.' But Belle means every word she said, and in the night she kills Ascarth for his wrongdoings, quoting her previous statement as she watched him die.

Up to here it takes up 3 pages, so I continued by saying she gave (anonymously) the tavern's money to the peasant's wife, and continues to rule her country as Iron Lady by day, avenging angel by night. Of course, no one knows about this, so it was only until after her death that people found her journal where she'd dictated everything she did. And people saw her in a new light, and erected statues, and every year there'd be a festival of Beauty, and her tale became the Legend of Beauty....

If it sounds cliched, yeah I know. Lack of inspiration. At least I wrote an out-of-the-box story, instead of people who write facts and what not. Could never stand them. Anyway, Sejarah 2 was a killer, especially in the essay bit where they asked about ciri-ciri Kerajaan Turki Uthmaniyah. I mean, I know a bit but not much and i'd rather not risk it lah. Third day was EST, went well, nothing much. What's there to talk about EST?

Then both Maths papers were relatively OK, same goes for Moral which I could do lah. Add Maths was the one that really got me worried. In case you didn't know, my Add Maths track record isn't exactly straight As. But it turned out relatively fine (note I'm using RELATIVELY).

Then the sciences came about. I needed to do well in Bio if I was going to take Biochemistry, and I found out that Zhuo Liang was planning to take that as well on he was taking his in Form 6 and me in college. Bio was tricky at points but again, relatively good. Physics, even though I wasn't a big fan of it even though I can do well if I study my arse off, was easy compared to Bio. I liked it very much. Now there's one last stop before we hit home free: Chemistry.

Now that academics are over, let's go to the laughs. For started, you wouldn't think that something so serious as SPM could garner laughs, could it? According to my sources from inside Bilik 2 (you know who you are!), things are boring and people pretend to study even though they actually aren't. Dunno if it applies to you but...Mine is Bilik 5 and we're freaking hilarious. I can't quite remember which paper was it, Maths or Add Maths, but everyone came back after the lunch break only to realise that someone was missing.

'Eh,' Examiner checked the name on the slip stuck on the table, 'Mana...Gerald Lim?' Yes, people have trouble pronouncing his name. Then everyone turned around, and the class started buzzing.

'Eh, where's Gerald? Why no one call him? Where he go?'

Class was buzzing like mad. Then the examiner suggested we call his house to check. 'Who is Gerald Lim's best friend?'

The class as one voice shouted, 'Darrel!' Gerald and Darrel sit together in class and everyone knows they're really good friends. Then, Nick Leong decided to start teasing. 'Eh, Darrel. Don't like that lah, dump Gerald like that. He's waiting for you at home you know.' And the whole class erupted into insinuations that Gerald and Darrel were together. Naturally we started laughing like crap, and the laughter increased when Gerald finally showed up. Even the examiner was laughing.

Moment 2. Happened only yesterday. See, I'm really grateful for my pals, and today I decided to tell Chiau Hui how grateful I am to be her friend and all that. I don't usually say stuff like that so it was a bit awkward - always felt like I was confessing my love ala BFG relationships. So in the canteen, I took a deep breath, looked at CH and said, 'Thank you very much for being my friend. I'm sorry for always losing my temper, and I thank you for being so understanding.'

She stared at me, and cried out, 'Are you migrating?' I had this really solemn voice on so I guess that's where she got her ideas. And at this point, I really couldn't resist so I nodded solemnly, and answered: Yes.

'What?' She genuinely looked shocked. 'When are you leaving?'

'Right after SPM in December,' I replied soberly. I was trying hard not to laugh, but it didn't work, so I settled for a I'm-Sorry-it-had-to-be-like-this, understanding sort of smile. That worked like a charm.

'Ha! And you tell me this now! Why can't you tell me after SPM? Now I can't concentrate.' And if you were there, you would've noticed how sad she looked. Really. I felt it. Felt almost guilty. Repeat, almost guilty.

Well, not really. I've got a lack of remorse. So, no, I felt no guilt at all.

We sat down, and she continued bombarding questions. 'Where are you migrating to?' she demanded. I didn't expect that so I fumbled a little bit (she didn't notice though), and crapped out: New Zealand. My relatives just returned from holiday there. Wanted to say Canada or something but my brain got ahead of me.

CH didn't relent. 'When you leaving?'

'On my birthday.' I even managed to inject some reluctance in my voice, like how much I didn't want to leave. Then her brow furrowed. 'I thought you were working for your mum on that day.' Yeah, helping out my mum for some sale thingy.

'Yeah I am,' I said deliberately. I could almost see the cogs in her head, piecing it together, and then... 'You're not migrating, are you?'

Smiling at her, 'Nope.' And got a whack on my arm for that. I was laughing though. She honestly thought I was migrating, and she was scolding me about that, but hey, at least it brought a bit of levity. Then I decided to do the same to Miss Erina, so I walked up to her, and used my solemn, someone-has-died voice and repeated what I told CH. Being the depressing girl she is (like I mentioned earlier), Erina gripped me by the shoulders (really!) and asked, 'Are you dying? You're not dying are you? You sound like you're dying. Don't die!' she wailed. OKlah, not wailed, but you get the point.

Then I was like, 'No I'm migrating.' That took her by genuine surprise. Her eyes widened. 'Seriously?' I nodded. 'Where to?' 'New Zealand.' She broke into a smile. 'Hey, when I migrate over I can see you.' Yes, she's most likely migrating to NZ after college or SPM. I nodded and smiled. Forgot what happened next, but then she turned at me and said. 'You're not migrating, are you?'

'No.' I replied cheekily. Don't mean to brag, but felt proud, really, taking them in. Erina gave a noise that was half-laugh, half-exasperated and she clutched her book. 'I should whack you lah.'

OK, number three. As you know, Physics paper 3, for the experiment bit, one was about the number of weights and the spring, which I looked at and was like, okay, can do, but let's see the other one first. Then I flipped the page, and KABOOM! It was solenoid! It was about, when the current increases the strength of magnetic field increases and the experiment was something about using a solenoid and a soft iron core to create a temp. magnet to attract pins.

Well, I didn't focus much on this experiment, only flipped through, because it already came out for my trials (for which I got full marks on that bit) and I thought to myself, Can lightning strike twice? Apparently it can. So I was smiling all the way when I did the question. Afterwards, Erina confided that she had a feeling that the solenoid would come out again. In case you didn't know, for trials Erina randomly flipped a page in her Physics book and studied the experiment on the page moments before the exam. That particular experiment was the solenoid experiment. So Erina told Candice that if solenoid came out again for SPM, she would kiss the floor.

Naturally after that announcement, Candice and I immediately pestered her to kiss the floor. Erina protested by saying too dirty, must use Dettol to clean first. I pulled out my Dettol sanitiser. She looked shocked. 'Ha, serious ah?' Well, duh! Then we compromised by having her kiss the table, and she agreed, but she took one look at the name on the slip, recoiled in something between dislike and disgust (Yerr, it's Montri's table!) and moved onto the next one. In the end she kissed the back of Melinda's chair, but Candice and I weren't really satisfied.

Now the best for last. Jo and I were staying back during the 4-hour break between Add Maths 1 and 2. Stupidly enough, I checked my schedule not realising that we have 4 hours break, and I didn't want to go to my cousin's place so I stayed in school. Then turns out the canteen didn't provide lunch, so after worrying a while, I called Dad and he turned up with our orders for McDs! Jo came down with me to get the food, and everyone was looking envious. JY even got someone to send him Burger King!

So after lunch, Jo and I retreated to the outside of my Bilik 5, where it was quiet since no one was around. We chatted, and then he took a nap while I went through my Add maths. Then we got bored and started walking back to the badminton court. We met Xin Wei and Candice at the Co-op and sat down on the chairs, me next to Jo, Xin Wei next to Candice. Afterwards, XY and C stood up trying to balance themselves on the step, and Montri came over and plonked down on the bench, head in Jo's lap! We were laughing so hard when Giselle, Alicia and Phei Fang saw us and came over. We started talking with Montri closing his eyes while Jo motioned silently for a pair of scissors.

Which was rather appropriate as at this moment, Alicia was talking about chopping off her long hair for a shorter do. Fang had scissors ready and passed them to XW, who passed them (exaggerated) silently to me to pass to Jo. Jo motioned to me to cut Montri's hair which I refused. Then there was a silent, motion-only argument between us until Jo took the scissors. And all these time we were actually keeping up the conversation as if nothing was happening.

Alicia buried her face and said, 'I can't bear to watch.'

'Watch what?' Montri piped up. 'Cutting her hair off,' Jo replied smoothly, slicing off a bit of his hair. He did it quite a bit, only tiny snips that don't really make a difference, and Montri never knew. In between we cracked quips about how Jo could be a barber next time, and the Thai boy never knew a thing!

Then XW wanted in on the fun, and she took the scissors. Believe me, it was quite a feat keeping up talking while we watched the proceedings.

Then Montri started to wonder why everyone wasn't talking as much (too busy watching the hair-snipping with bated breath) and he swept a hand through his hair the same moment XW snipped a lock of hair. Naturally, his hands touched the scissors and he sprang up and everyone was laughing like shit.

He started spewing expletives while Jo brushed the hair from his pants. It was all cool though; you couldn't really tell if his hair was cut or not.

Well, laughs all around. But I need to sleep. Got revision tuition tomorrow for the whole day so I'll catch you guys around yeah. Thank you Ben for helping me calm down before BM by saying, "What's the point of studying so hard if you're too stressed to pick up the pencil?" and "Not studying a while won't kill you." Thanks very much.

Alright, then.

Cheers.

Knights of Fairy Tales

2009-11-17T16:13:00.002+08:00

Dialogue taken from King Arthur (2005)...

"My father told me great tales of you," Guinevere said, by way of making conversation.

"Really?" Arthur asked, interested in spite of himself. "And what did you hear?"

"Fairy tales," Guinevere answered. "The kind you hear about people so brave, so selfless, that they can't be real." She gave a mocking smile.

"Arthur and his knights."
________________________

She had a thing for knights. Not the modern day kind, where all you had to do was do something great for the world and Queen E would grant you a knighthood. Where you had the title "Sir" in front of your name but had no royal blood lineage in you at all. Where your occupation was not to defend the kingdom but to play music or act in films.

She loved the old knights of Arthur's time.

Her fascination with Arthur started when she watched King Arthur. It started with a disclaimer where people never knew who Arthur truly was, but that later historians found Arthur to be based on a Roman Centurion called Arthorius Castus, or Arthur.

Then Merlin came about, and it was all she could do to stop herself from jumping in excitement. The swordfights excited her, and the magical moments, Morgana's moments especially, fired her blood up. It didn't hurt that she was always fascinated by swordfighting as a kid.

There would always be one truth: She believed in knights, so much so that she wanted to be one. Everything could change, but this one thing will not. She loved the fact that knights were chivalrous (a dying practice in this modern times); she loved that they stood for all that was right (unlike the corruption taking place throughout the world); she loved the way a sword would feel in her hands, strong steel that could cut through anything - she would give a world just for a chance to touch one.

Guns were alright, she guessed; like any other hot-blooded teenager, she liked guns. They were fast, deadly, and brilliant. But sometimes a part of her bemoaned the fact that guns lacked the finesse swordfighting did. Guns detached one from the real scene; anyone could pick up a piece, pull the trigger and walk off, unaffected. But it took guts to pick up a sword, fend iff your opponent, parry him off, use your head to turn the situation against him, with a large possibility that you were going to get your hands dirty with blood. Guns ended things too quick; she wanted to feel the snag of resistance, wanted to see how people would fight for their lives. She wanted to hear the hum of the blade as it swung in the air, feel a sense of satisfaction when it hit another blade with a resounding clang.

Like most things, the art of swordfighting was lost.

But she missed the knights the most.

She liked the Ancient times. At least back then, the only way you died in battle was by a sword, knife, axe or arrow. Nowadays, as the crime preventing tech gets more effective, people are looking for more deviant ways to kill. Truth be told, she preferred it old school. If it were against any medieval weapon, you could always fight back. But how could you possibly resist sodium penthothal (truth serum) or fight back against nuclear bombs and stuff like that?

Knights were her heroes. King Arthur was her favourite fairy tale. Because while other stories like Snow White, Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty focuses on a young prince on a white horse that arrived at the end of the day to sweep the credit and the young maiden into his arms (how unrealistic that people could fall in love at first sight and marry the next day- they should make one where, after marrying the prince, Cinderella files for a divorce), Arthur and his knights had to prove themselves able to defend the kingdom. Arthur had many choices to make, difficult ones that had a specific outcome, but that made him all the more humane.

He worked hard to get where he is now: a great king of a great kingdom that forms a legend that will never be forgotten, however fictional he might be.

And instead of hoping for princes to sweep us off our feet, shouldn't we charge forth and do the right thing?

"Sometimes you've gotta do what you think is right, damn the consequences." ~ Morgana to Arthur in Merlin, episode 4 : The Poisoned Chalice.

Today I Felt Down, But Cheesecake Cheered Me Up.

2009-10-20T17:47:00.002+08:00

Yes well, I helped Mum to make the loveliest cheesecake ever. And it was delicious. For some reason, I can't stand it when people spell delicious as delish or especially as espesh. Sounds a bit rojak, no?

Yeah so was chatting with Chiau Hui during recess. Walked to my class with her and we were chatting all the way when I saw Jo outside the class and waved him in. And so the three of us started talking and Jo suddenly mentioned he still remembered I called him an idiot (albeit unknowingly, unthinkingly--refer to previous posts) and we started laughing, so I told CH what happened.

Then Jo and I had a hilarious laughing spree where I suddenly talked about Slowpoké the Talking Snail. If you'll go to my profile and scroll down you'd be able to see it.

Anyway, gotta go.

Cheers.

Just Because I Try To Justify Myself

2009-10-18T11:28:00.002+08:00

I like my previous blog title: Just Because. Two simple words that mean a lot of things. Mostly used by the misunderstood to justify their actions.

Just because I lie..

Just because I hate him..

Just because this, just because that.

It's the universal answer to justify one's self. This example can be seen most times in crime dramas like CSI, Lie to Me etc.

"Just because I hate him doesn't mean I killed him."

Yeah you get the point.

We justify ourselves everyday because we believe what we're doing is right. We believe that the other side is wrong. But what if the other side believes they're the ones that are in the right and we're the bad guys? What happens next?

We're at an impasse, that's what.

Both sides will not give in, they'll just keep on going. And so the war continues.

Here's the thing, though.

What if, the action you are trying to justify, isn't really that all justifiable?

Cheers.

Fish Tales

2009-10-18T10:49:00.003+08:00

Yeah, how is everyone lately? I'm fantastic, thanks for asking. SPM is how many days away? I don't know. Désolé, but I lost count. I don't like stressing myself unnecessarily when I'm already stressed enough.

Saturday we went to One Utama. Was deciding where to go for lunch when Mum caught sight of The Gardens. Yes, it's the one with the adjoining boutique and whatnot. So we decided to give it a try, and we ordered from the Lunch set or something of the sort.

The drinks were a choice of Ice Lemon tea, Ice Coffee or tea. All of us toook ILT, and one thing that was cute was that it came in small pitchers! Uber adorable, with the stirrers that had a flower at the top. The soup of the day was onion soup, which I expected to be nice, but I was a bit disappointed as it was just clear broth that smelled heavenly of onions but tasted bland. Like I said,

"It was like drinking onion-smelling water."

Dad ordered the Beef Ginger, which was basically rice, pompadom, and a side dish of beef slices in a brown ginger sauce. Not bad, although the beef was a little tough to chew. Sis ordered the Spaghetti Aglio Ed Olio with Prawns (ha! I actually remembered how to spell it!). It was just spaghetti fried with garlic, olive oil, chilli flakes and some sauteed prawns. Sis was looking expectant when it came in a super large triangular dish that took up almost her whole corner of the table, but the portions were a bit small, though the prawns were big. It kinda reminded me of a convo I had with some friends last year in school when we were talking about French food.

"French food, like foie gras (goose liver), is very expensive, but it's very con lah! You pay so much for the dish, and your plate on the table very big, but then they serve it (the food) on a small dish served on a slightly bigger dish stacked on top of the big plate on the table. Then when you look at it, the foie gras is actually less than a quarter of the size of the original big plate. So, basically, you're paying lotsa money for the stacking of the plates instead of the foie gras itself."

True, in a sense.

Mum took the Seafood Noodles, which comprised of yee meen, mussels, prawns and vegetables. At first she was dubious about it, but later realised that it was worth every cent because the portions were big. Hello, mussels?

Mine was the Butter Ginger Dory Fish with Pineapple and Mashed Potato. Sis wanted to order that as well but took the spaghetti in the end. I was actually quite excited, because I had the idea that it would be those high class-looking dishes, where they'd melt butter in a pan, add in some ginger shreds for flavour, then pour it over the dory fish in a light, brothy kind of sauce, like the ones they used in the posh western restaurants. Then, on the side, they'd give a dab of mashed potato and some pineapple slices.

I had never been so disillusioned.

The fish came, sitting in the middle of the same big triangular plate as Sis's spaghetti did, surrounded by a creamy looking sauce. My first thought was, Hey, is that creamy thing the mashed potato? Maybe they made it so creamy and nice they filled the plate with it and placed the fish on top. Don't laugh; I've learned to appreciate the art of arranging food. Blame Jamie Oliver.

So I dipped my fork into the creamy thing, stuck it into my mouth....and resisted the urge to spit it out again. Because, dear friends, the creamy thing WASN'T the mashed potato; nope, it was the butter sauce. And I love butter, but this time, it tasted as if someone had mushed the soft butter up with 5 pounds of sugar, mixed it around, and dumped it on the plate. Really, it was that sweet. Reminded me a bit of Nigella Lawson.

"Now we pour in a cup of sugar--" dumps in half the bag. "--and we add a pinch of salt--" throws a whole cup inside. Honestly, the woman can give you diabetes.

The butter sauce, it's like you stick it into your mouth, the first thing you can taste is the sweetness. Then after a bit, you can taste the strong taste of butter. Horrible combination. Exactly why I don't like jam. Too sweet.

I want to avoid getting diabetes, so I did what every normal person would do under the circumstances: I skipped the sauce and ate just the fish. Very obviously, I wasn't full. The fish was actually quite nice, but one part annoyed me a bit: Remember the pineapple? I found a thin, tiny slice of it right on top the first portion of fish and that was it. Now I have a feeling that the sweetness in the butter sauce was contributed by the errant pineapple. Then I dug deeper and I found: mashed potatoes! The saving grace! Bit bland, but after the too-sweet texture of the sauce, I was ready to welcome it!

Mum couldn't finish her noodles so I helpfully (ha!) finished it for her, all the while declaring, Thank God for the person who invented the yee meen! Honestly, I wasn't about to underestimate it again.

You might have found The Gardens to your taste, but for me, it was a one time only, never again sorta visit.

Got any bad restaurant tales to share?

Cheers.

I Wear A Mask Every Single Day, A Façade of Calm and Removedness, But Sometimes, The Veneer Cracks, And You Get A Glimpse Of Who I Truly Am.

2009-10-15T21:48:00.003+08:00

People take everything at face value.

Their first impressions of people they meet decide if that person would be a good friend or a good colleague. However, first impressions are not the only thing that decides a man's future connections. It is that man's personality, his essence of being, that magnetises the people around him and draws them closer. It is just a matter of getting the time to know them, after all.

The question is, will you take the time to know me?

An Angel Falls Freely From Grace, But A Homicidal Angel Hits The Ground With A Bang

2009-10-14T22:23:00.004+08:00

I am an angel.

A guardian angel to be exact.

But unlike other angels, I'm homicidal.

The homicidal angel who will kill anyone who touches the people she loves.

Are you one of them?

One of the loved, or one of the people who touches them?

Cheers.

What's My Name Again?

2009-10-14T20:38:00.004+08:00

Well, it's been interesting. Went to school. Surprisingly, a large number of people turned up. We were slightly annoyed that we were transferred to 3 Lili instead of going back to our own class. But then the annoyance grew when we entered the class, and lo and behold, electricity was sucked dry and the fans and lights didn't work! So we spent four hours plus in school feeling hot.

Was trying to study chem but failed miserably because it was just so noisy in class. I went to the facilities during English and when I came back, Pn Doreen called me over, asking me what is my name. I think I gave her a wth? look because she explained, Xian Yao sitting in front of her, that it seems she had been mispronouncing my name for 2 years plus. So I had to say my name (with held from Xian Yao, you told her she was mispronouncing my name, right?) and she managed to get it.

Then she was saying that I should've corrected her in the beginning, but I kept quiet for two years straight. At this moment, I just gave a dry smile and went back to my place.

You wanted to know why I didn't bother correcting you? Yeah, it's because of this: I could correct you today, but the next time it's back to Alicia. And then I have to correct you again, and it's all fun and games, then the next time you say my name, it's back to Alicia and I'm tearing my hair out trying to not to commit murder.

'It's pronounced Ee-LEE-sia. Not Alicia. Not Alyssia. EEEEE! It starts with a bloody E, dammit! What's wrong with you people?!'

Inhale, exhale. Do those breathing exercises they always get the pregnant ladies to do. Inhale, exhale. I'm calm now.

To continue, one thing I really dislike (but can't be helped much) is that they always say my name in that Chinese, sing-song way. You know how it is when you're saying something you can't pronounce, you go slow and there's a pause between every syllable? Ee. LEE. sia. There's always a soft pause and, I always imagined, a nodding of heads when they say it. It's Elyssia, no pause, smooth, soothing. It's derived from Elizabeth (lovely name, Elizabeth. Good Queen Bess, Elizabeth Bennet/Swann), and, I'd like to think, the Elysian Fields in Elysium, a section of the Greek underworld where the souls of the great heroes, warriors and the virtuous are. It's essentially paradise.

If you can't pronounce my name at all, Ely (Ellie, Ally, not Eli as in Ee-Lie. But that would be cool, I think. Cool nickname for cool spelling. Come to think of it, Ely as Ee-Lie would be cool. Different from the crowd, but cool) will do just fine. Or Elle would be just as well. Note, you people. Elle is pronounced L, like the letter, not Ellie. You know, Elle Magazine? You have no idea how many people I know pronounce Elle as Ellie.

But I'd really hope that I'd be able to find someone who can actually pronounce my name right first time around, someone I've never known before. It leaves me a good impression, because you've got to be genius to pronounce my name. A Not-Must-Have-But-A-Bonus for whoever my future guy's going to be.

Or if you're Erina, Ely the Elephant is fine as well.

Only if you're Erina.

And if Erina reads this, quit talking about whips and branding and carving names and me in the same sentence because, honestly, it's really disturbing. Really disturbing.

I was really pleased that my name was so unique, but the other day I googled my first name for fun, and I was stunned. The Elyssia with a myspace, don't know who she is, and can't be bothered, but it was the one underneath that that got me.

Can you say, WTH?

I can't hear you...

Louder!

Thank you. Now you understand my frustration.

I've stopped searching for my name. It's devastating.

Brand New Day - Ryan Star. Go check. It's the Lie to Me theme song. Now I can pretend I'm Cal Lightman, with all that British attitude and his forever hunching back. But if you google Tim Roth, he actually looks quite cute when he was younger.

Sigh.

Cheers.

Pumpkinism

2009-10-11T20:53:00.004+08:00

I am superly attached to the name Morgana I feel like naming my future daughter that. Yes, Morgana is King Arthur's half sister and she's supposed to be a witch or whatnot, but the Morgana I had in mind was the one played by Katie McGrath in Merlin. Genius.

Anyway, apparently there are 30 plus days to SPM and I'm still lax. I'm planning to wake up at what? six thirty tomorrow, spend an hour eating breakfast and then study like mad. I haven't done much progress yet! Only good news is that SPM ends a four days before my birthday so Hurrah!

What else? Ah! I used smartdraw to create my version of Morgana's bedroom in Merlin, only with some modernisation. Call me insane, call me obsessed, I'm a girl on a mission! And I did it. Only the bugger thing wouldn't print and even if it did, it's got the bloody smartdraw watermark on it. I know it's very messy and all but it's my first version so be nice.
[P.S. Unfortunately, if you refer to my cbox, I'm not supposed to link it like that so yeah, link is removed. Sorry]

Call it cacated or whatever you like, but I like my ideal bedroom to be like that. And yes, the bed's supposed to be a fourposter, only they don't have a four-poster symbol I could use. And the table in the middle is a study/meal table. I find it very interesting because nowadays family eat dinner together, but what if your family members are always out of the house? I'd rather think that inviting a friend to eat in your room is kind of intimate and reassuring at the same time, like one of your close friends you can bare all to.

And when you're imagining it in 3D (gonna try to sketch that out later?) the furniture and all are supposed to be oak and stuff, and the table in the middle is laquered rosewood. I know there's a table lamp on the table but it was supposed to be a candelabrum (the thing that holds candles), because it's supposed to be nice and rustic-looking so she (my alter ego, Morgana--yes, yes, obsession) would have lotsa candles all over the place, even a couple on the nightstand. Those circles with the I in the middle are columns, while the zig-zaggy thing in the bottom left corner is a foldable screen. Though why I wanted a screen there I don't know.

At the bottom right corner are two rooms. The top one is like her dressing room, where she's got her wardrobe and stuff. The one at the bottom (obscured by the bloody watermark) is her bathroom. The round thingy at the top left corner is the spiral staircase. Chris said it looked like a one-room thing, but hey, living in a loft isn't that bad.

Yeah, just to let you know, that even if I online, I'd doubt I've got much time to update okay? Let me finish the next two, three months and I'll bloody update every day for you. Especially on my birthday. I'll post my exact whereabouts on my birthday to give you an insight on how boring my birthday can be. Which is why I don't celebrate it.

Oh, and Halloween's coming. I kept on calling it All Hallows Eve after watching a Charmed episode where the main characters called it that instead of Halloween. I support pumpkinism.

Pumpkinism = Rights of pumpkin to be eaten, carved, and lit up solely for fulfilling man's cultural need and pleasure.
[Definition by Lou, more or less]

Till All Hallows Eve, the Beginning of SPM, the end of SPM, my birthday, and Christmas,

Team Whatnot FTW co-president-who-secretly-works-from-behind-the-scenes-to-avoid-capture,

Cheers.

Debates and Irish Radios

2009-10-08T12:03:00.002+08:00

I'm so keen on learning the Irish accent (well, Dublin actually, like Katie McGrath's Southern Irish one) that I'm actually listening to an Irish Radio station. It's the RTE Radio 2. http://www.listenlive.eu/ireland.html Go check it out. I doubt many of you will but hey, to each his own.

Was chatting to Lou. Désolé, Lou, for introducting you to slash. Thank God you don't mind, because most of these slash are quite...graphic. I'm going to pasar malam this evening! It's a big deal because I've not been to pasar malam for ages since I started secondary school. Okay, not for ages but very rarely. The last time I went was early this year. Anyway, we're going there to get me a torchlight. I've already got one, but my paranoia is kicking in, and I want a torch that's handy enough for me to whack someone if the need arises.

Blame it on the Relic Hunter and Alias episodes. Besides, Dad's really agreeable. I think he kinda supports my paranoia tendencies, or, as he calls it, 'Eye for Details'. I coverted the really nice 100plus penknife he won, and when I was snooping around the house for matches (yes, my arsonist tendencies emerges occasionally) and found a cheap lighter, he showed me his own (quite old) black-and-gold coloured lighter. Unfortunately, these two were out of gas, and so the next thing I knew, he got me my own Cricket lighter! In Blue! Scares my sis when I'm playing with it though. She's always afraid I'd burn the house down.

So today we're going to get me a nice, whack-handy torch. It's going to be nice and slim that I can carry anyway. At least if I'm trapped somewhere I can use it. Note: Must refresh memory on Morse code to learn to flash SOS.

Was chatting with Xian Yao, talking about college which led to a huge debate about the cultural clashes between Asian and Western. I like Xian Yao. He's cool, and he's probably one of the few people I know that can actually debate intellectually with me. It kinda stimulates my brain to think from a different point of view. Tim is another. Lou's a third. When I'm talking to them, they can understand what I'm saying. I don't really have to break it down for them. It's like we're on the same wavelength or something.

Besides, all four of us (from my point of view, anyway) we're different in our own way but so similar in others. We all like learning, we can hold intellectual conversations (something which I really hunger for), we can theorise. Basically I think we have that "What If?" chromosome embedded in our DNA. The saddest thing in the world is to see man getting so comfortable with their surroundings they can't be bothered to improve themselves.

Oh, oh. I also added an Irish Clock and a Malaysian Clock so yeah.

Cheers.

When In Doubt, Google

2009-10-06T18:27:00.001+08:00

Tim and I were having a minor discussion about personal stuff until we came to the disagreement: Puppy love and crushes are different. Tim was for it, I was against it.

To prove my point I went and Googled it. What I got was this:
http://sg.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080821072638AAnFQOH

When I told him, his reaction was;

'You googled the damn thing?'

Pretty hilarious. For me. Not him.

I guess.

Cheers.

What Our Devious Minds Can Plot, Our Curiosity Develops.

2009-10-06T16:59:00.004+08:00

Was supposed to online for 2 hours a day but I think I might go over the limit here. Anyway, I've done a bit of Physics and Add Maths so I'm probably going to make up for it by doing some more practices.

It's surprising, really, how SPM is 40+ days away but I'm feeling lax. Shar recommended Memories (All We Need) by The Sequel which is really quite genius (Note: I'm using Genius as an adjective for everything I think is brilliant). Really nice. A bit acoustic-y but it fits the song.

Chatted with Timmy the whole day. Started off with his Mystic Meg prediction on FB (You and your gf will be having a new arrival...something like that). Then it went onto Burn Notice, easily the greatest show in my book, next to Relic Hunter, Alias, The Mentalist and Lie To Me. Merlin is also a top contender. Anway, we were talking about this section in the BN website where you could make spy stuff from household items and it was geniusly cool. There were wireless signal jammers and whatnot. It was brilliant, my childhood dream come true.

Okay, so maybe not exactly, but it was lovely. Like spy heaven for spy wanna-bes.

Then Tim suggested that we try to build some of the stuff. So my reply, naturally, was If you make them, I want in. Then I suggested we build a team of whatnots.

Ergo, Team Whatnot FTW was created. FTW = For the Win. Tim's idea. Mine was just Team Whatnot. Then discussion went to MacGyver who only carries a Swiss Army Knife and duct tape. And Tim mentioned that McG carried a big knapsack and when people asked what's inside, McG replies, 'Nothing. It's for the things I find on the way.'

So I said that we should do that as well. Tim just scoffed. 'As if you can find anything around here that's usable. You won't even wanna touch them even if they are.' True enough. That's when I said that's what sanitiser is for. He joked that we were going to need a lot of sanitiser then.

All in all, we were busy playing the quizzes on Burn Notice. For the BN villains, I got Con-Man while he got White Collar. Then with our devious minds, we were plotting about what does Team Whatnot do. To quote Timmy,

"We've been goin on and on abt whatnot but wat exactly is d whatnot dat team whatnot's gonna b doing xD"

Yeah. Genius right, us. Planning out the team without knowing what whatnot the team will be doing. It's a nice gesture, you know. Having a team of friends make things out of household items. It's informative and interesting. Would you prefer to make a wireless device that works using the whole sound waves thing (Physics Form 5 Chpt 1) or would you prefer to study and study without knowing or understanding it? Dunno about you, but I like working with my hands, and I learn better that way.

Like I said,

"We will reignite the fires of curiosity from one tiny spark!"

Then there's this cool quote from Burn Notice in one of the quizzes.

You get caught taking home office supplies when it's against office policy. What do you do?
1. Admit nothing, deny everything and make counter accusations.
2. Say everyone's doing it as well.
3. Say you have a reason to do so since you're bringing work home with you.
4. I forgot what it said.

Ultimately, I chose 1.

Onward, comrades, conspirators and calculators! May the pi be with you.
Drink up ya mateys yo ho! (Tim's line)

Cheers!

Boredom Reigning In My Veins

2009-10-05T12:42:00.002+08:00

If I have to log into Louise's blog and see the OH MY FATHER'S GOAT post one more time, I will kill myself. Or maybe I should just stop logging into her blog until after exams. What does OMFG even mea....oh. I only got the hint when I typed it out. Bit slow, yea?

Désolé, Lou.

Moment of eccentricity. I'm eccentric.

Cheers.

You Don't Yell At Me One Minute And Expect Me To Help You The Next. It's Not Right.

2009-10-05T12:20:00.004+08:00

Oh. Em. Gee.

As much as I hate using it (sounds a bit lala), it is nevertheless well-suited for the occasion.

I discovered I have LiveJournal!

And the thing is, the only reason why I did it aeons ago was because most of the Morgana sites I went to were all LJs and I wanted one as well. Only I forgot I'd made it until today, where I oh-so-cleverly (note the sarcasm) tried to create a LJ and realised that my username (PerhapsSamson) was taken. And believe me, I created it myself and there's no way there's another PerhapsSamson out there. So I signed in and voila! I rediscovered my LJ, which has been in a terrible state of neglect and decay, I'm afraid.

To remedy this I will now link my LJ to my blog. However, dear readers (which, creepily enough, includes my sister) I will not update LJ. At all. Or very much. LJ's purpose is to serve as a linking site to all my beloved Morgana fanfics. Or maybe I should just link the fanfic to my blog instead. Whatever.

Will not be blogging much due to SPM. So don't expect anything unless I've got something really hilarious to share.

And it's really crappy, how everyone says that all we need to do is suffer two more months and after that it's all over. Don't they get it? It's never over. After SPM there's college and you have to slog like you're running away from the gates of Hell, then after that you're slogging at work to get a promotion, and after retirement you're slogging to do research and buy all those bloddy health supplements so you don't expire quickly. What happened to the whole idea of living every day like it's your last?

We're really hypocritical.

And yes if you have your opinion about the issue above by all means, go ahead but don't expect me to conform to it. I am eccentric. Being eccentric means I don't have to conform to everything. Like I've always said,

Just because I have to ________(insert appropriate answer: grow up, do something) does not mean I have to like it.

I really like Morgana. Or rather, Katie McGrath. She's genius. And I'm probably fawning but I don't care.

Hilarity moment: My sister actually recommended my blog to a friend of hers to read it. When she told me I was expecting something like, Your sister, not bad wei her writing. Okay lah, maybe a bit perasan-ed but my sis actually thought her friend was going to say something like that. Wanna know what her friend said instead?

"Hey I went to your sis's blog and I found a personality quiz there!"

Enjoy the wth? looks on our faces.

Cheers.

Of Autographs, Humour and Wasting Time

2009-10-01T15:58:00.002+08:00

Okay so got most of the results back. Generally, I'm quite okay with it. Key word being "Generally". Really going to have to do better for Physics, Biology (In which I got a B but could've gotta an A for), Add Maths (I'm screwed) and History.

This week we've been a mite busy on our "testimonials". I initially thought that testimonials were letters of recommendation or stuff like that from teachers. It turned out to be a form filled with our curricular and school activities signed by our teacher advisor.

We've got the papers before the Raya hols but had absolutely no idea what to do with them. So in a state of Screw It Syndrome (SIS), I simply chucked the whole thing into my file (love that word: chucked. Sounds so...chucky) and left it there to rot and decompose, never mind that it takes about 60-90 days to biodegrade.

Only recently did I save it from decomposing when I pulled the whole thing out on Tuesday and checked the timeline I had in my laptop files (yes, I actually write up a timeline of every event I took part in--thank God to Mum for suggesting I do this back in January. Saved me time trying to figure out what my academic achievements were.)

So I scrolled through my timeline and started writing in pencil all the stuff I did in school. University of New South Wales English assessment, Public Speaking Training and Competition in Sunway College, English Public Speaking Competition in the form of a book review in Form 4 (did Pride & Prejudice, though I based it mostly on the movie which was way more interesting--to me--than the book. You think the judges actually read the book?) which I won second prize for. First prize went to a Form 5. Chemistry Crossword Puzzle which I thought I screwed up badly but ended up getting first prize.

Then on Wednesday, Pn Maziana was telling everyone to hand up our papers on Thursday. That's when everyone started panicking and going around to see how it was done and written. Had mine done with help from Ben, Jeremy, Darrel, David and Chris (who's been having the mickey taken out of him because of his online alias: Rancora. There was this time when Pn Ting asked who was supposed to help Chanti sweep the class and Chris belatedly realised it was him. He got up, and Jit Sun was crowing: Rancora's an ass or something like that. Shite. Forgot that Chris reads my blog. Sorry, kitty-cat. XD)

Since first period on Wednesday was EST, we decided to get our CF signatures from Pn Carol. After that it was a mad dash around the school. Mid year they noticed too many students entering the staff room freely so they had this policy where you could only enter with a pass from a teacher. However when I entered the staff room today with David and Erina to get signatures, it was filled with students. Obviously disregarding the sign on the door that says, 'Pelajar tidak dibenarkan masuk.'

After EST we got back our Add Maths marks, and then we had English. Pn Doreen wasn't here so Erina, Xian Yao, Wee Liam and I left to get signatures. First, we went to look for Mr. Ravi (for scouts) in the disiplin room but before we got there (still have no idea where it is) I spotted him entering a Form 4 class. We were going to enter but he motioned for us to wait outside while the Form 4s (most of who had been ponteng-ing) scrambled back into class. He managed to get them into order when two girls tried to enter surreptitiously by running behind him to their seats. Unfortunately he caught them and yelled at them to stand outside. Then he signed mine, XY and WL's papers.

XY and WL left but Rin and I were hanging about the staff room to find form 3 teacher Pn Wan Hajimah cause we needed her to sign our Ketua Tingkatan/Penolong Ketua Tingkatan posts. Somehow gifted with spotting abilities (hah), I managed to spot her before she went down the stairs and immediately rushed over, desperately asking her to sign.

Went back to class and got Pn Liew to sign my Rumah Ungu (she's one of the teacher advisors) and my Chem Quiz/Olympic Chem Quiz thing.

Then today, they had an emergency seminar about how to write our Testimonials and Surat Akuan. A bit last minute, everyone thought. Wasting our time as well. After which we went back to class to begin the whole signature-seeking process, but we were stopped by Pn Maziana who gave us another paper: surat for the curriculum activities which she forgot to give us. Erina was bloody pissed when she found out that Pn Maziana didn't have time to finish filling the forms for the whole class, did half of the class only, and conveniently stopped at her form. (I'm before Erina in the name list so I got lucky mine was filled up *smirks*)

Erina thinks PM has a grudge against her or something. So we were discussing the whole thing when David mentioned that PM didn't want to see correction tape (a more convenient form of liquid paper) on our paper so whoever had used CR had to redo the whole thing. David and Erina had to redo the whole thing. Then someone said it had to be in BLOCK letters so they had to request more paper just to finish it up.

Halfway through, Erina got so fed up she took her new sheets of paper, and pointed surreptitiously to the left where Gerald was listening to David's iPod and mouthing at me, 'His handwriting big or not?'

Erina's handwriting was small so she wanted someone to fill her form for her. I nodded, cause Gerald's handwriting is really nice for a guy and is probably nicer than mine cause he writes with flourishes in a very artsy way, like he's drawing his name instead of writing it. Hey, no kidding. I saw the way he wrote his name on his Bio 3 paper and it was really nice.

So we waved Gerald down and got him to fill in Erina's paper for her, all the while Rin and I were saying, 'Hey, his handwriting really nice.' and Rin noted that he was trembling and said so. Jit Sun came over, holding his documents as well and plopped down on the chair beside Gerald. 'Hey, they paying you to do this or not?'

When Gerald just smiled, Jit Sun started preening and fluttering his lashes at Gerald, his voice going all feminine, 'Can you fill up for me as well?' We were laughing while Gerald nodded yes.

Then Jit Sun got playful and started asking. 'How is she (nods at Erina) going to pay you?' We looked at him. 'She doesn't have her virginity anymore.'

This caused Erina to let out a loud WEI of indignance. Then I joined in on the fun. 'Yeah, cause she lost it to the table in EduSmart.' In-joke, people. Erina used to joke about losing her virginity to a table in EduSmart.

To retaliate Erina shot Jit Sun with a question. 'So, how are you going to pay him? Didn't you lose yours (virginity) already?'

Jit Sun was unperturbed. 'No lah, unless you count loosing it to my hand.' This caused Erina to let out another Eew and Jit Sun to cackle in wicked delight when the implication of the sentence sunk in.

Later, after all was done, David got so fed-up he went (or got someone) to go to Mr Allen, Penolong Kanan Hal Ehwal Murid (HEM--in charge of student stuff) and asked about the Block letters and correction tape thing.

The final verdict?

Mr Allen said it was alright (since later they were going to type it in anyway.) So David was a bit annoyed he'd done everything for nothing. Thank God I didn't bother to waste paper and ink on redoing my paper when I used a bit of correction tape.

So far I've got most of my signatures: I'm only missing Pn Doreen's signatures for my UNSW and other English related stuff. Gerald, it seems, turned out to be a Scout and Rumah Ungu fellow! Who happens to never show up at meetings. He was even wondering if he could just forge Mr. Ravi's signature for the Scouts column.

Okay, tension over. Now to the hilarious part.

Monday. We were in Physics tuition. Candice and Jit Sun were sitting behind me, and Janice and Ya Jen behind them. Jan was showing Sun her English essay, which started with "I knew that I had..." So Jan was writing, in first person, about a woman with stomach cancer. According to the essay (Sun was reading all the funny bits out), "I" had a husband, Greg (Sun said it was a common name, not bad), and three children, Anakin (Sun and I were like, What?), Jane and Little Logan (confirmed by Jan to be taken from Gilmore Girls).

Turns out that Anakin and Jane were college students while Little Logan was three? six? His age kept coming into question when Sun mentioned that a three year old wouldn't have said the word "coped" (a sentence in the essay). Sun even went on to say that "I" and Greg were really something to have two kids in college and one kid three years old. At one point Sun snorted with laughter, and when Jan protested it was a sad story, he proceeded to sob theatrically.

There was a bit in the essay that said "I" had to be carried by Greg to bed and Little Logan helped by pulling on "My" pants. Here, Sun was shaking his head. 'So young already like that!' I mentioned to Candice that we should keep our kids away from Sun. Overall the story was okay.

Tuesday. Not much happened. At least, not that I can remember. All I remember was the return of the dreaded exam papers. Got an A2 for Bm, my first ever A for BM. All because I got 104 out of 130 for my two essays. English essay was fine but I went down by one point. Maybe I'll type it out and you can agree with me that it's not my best work. It's titled Water. Gerald, who did the water theme, talked about Water the Dog. He got splashed with water cause it was his birthday.

Wednesday. Just realised that most of the fun stuff happens in Chemistry tuition. Tim and his other half sat behind me and Tim kept on borrowing my paper to copy. Elaine finally showed up at tuition after a month of hiatus and Ben and I were busy discussing. We were given a work sheet by Mrs Foo and were doing the essay questions when we got stumped on a question.

It went something like this. It started with A was mixed with B to produce salt C and a colourless liquid (which, we later derived from the equation, turned out to be water). So the next question was (more or less),

Explain a test to confirm the colourless liquid (aka water). The correct answer was to mix it with anhydrous copper sulphate, which will turn from white to blue in the presence of water. But when someone asked Mrs Foo, 'Teacher, how to test water?' This was Montri's clever reply:

'You drink it lah!!'

The whole class burst out laughing, especially us Cempakians Plus One--CPO. (I'm terming us the Majority because in class, Montri, Janice, Candice and her friend Fiona--not really a major deal--fill the second row while Elaine, Ben and I fill the third row. Needless to say, Montri, Jan, Candice, Elaine, Ben and I were the loudest bunch in class. Or was it because the other students were too quiet?)

Montri didn't seem perturbed. 'Really, what. If it tastes like water then is water lorr!'

That, dear readers, is the logic of our very own Thai boy.

The next essay question started with:

What is a salt?

While Ben and I were copying the textbook version from my notes (a salt is an ionic compound where the H+ ions from an acid is replaced by a metal ion or an ammonium ion), Elaine had taken a leaf from Montri's book and devised her own answer.

'You see, must write like that.' Elaine nodded her head sagely. '"Salt? I dunno what salt is. I like sweet things, not salty things." Then you must add a smiley face for teacher to see.'

Ben and I were in hysterics.

Oh, I forgot. Monday, we were getting ready for our last exam cause it was postponed (refer to my last couple of posts--I think I mentioned why). Our class is in Block C. Usually the gates of the staircase is locked, and at seven or so, some students come up to open the gates for us. Jo was one of them.

So that morning, I was checking my watch, muttering about the bloody idiots who kept us waiting downstairs. Got so impatient I went and stood in front of the gates. Chris joined me and I was angrily pointing out the time to him. 'See? It's seven fifteen! Where is the bloody idiot who's going to open the bloody door for us?'

Then Chris started talking to someone I couldn't see. 'Hey, Joseph. She called you an idiot.'

I swung around, and there Jo was, coming to open the gates for us. He was looking at me weirdly. 'Did you call me an idiot?'

'No, I did not!' I was fumbling around. Honestly, I thought it was someone else who was supposed to open the gates for us cause I saw Jo walking up earlier. Chris was laughing and J0 was amused. I think.

Thursday i.e. today. Nothing much. All mentioned above. So now I'm going to play an hour of games (only one hour limit lah) before I go study?

Cheers.

Sometimes My Heart Beats So Fast, I Think It's Gonna Break Apart.

2009-09-26T23:28:00.003+08:00

Just because I'm distant sometimes, doesn't mean that I can't hurt.
It just means I'm trying to protect myself from further pain.

Just because I don't tell you I Love You, doesn't mean that you don't matter.
It just means I don't know how to tell you so without getting teared-up.

Just because I act so removed, doesn't mean that I don't care.
It just means that I'm trying to think everything out rationally and I can't do that when I'm emotional.

Just because I don't join in with your discussion, doesn't mean I'm not interested in networking or making friends.
It just means that I feel bad that I have nothing to bring to the table of discussion.

Just because I think highly of myself, doesn't mean I'm arrogant.
It just means I'm confident of what I can do, that I know what I'm about. That I'm comfortable in my own skin.

Just because I make a cutting comment or a rude reply, doesn't mean I'm ill-mannered or I'm impolite. (Okay, maybe a little)
It just means that I'm scared, deep down, and I try not to show it.

Just because I behave like I'm more superior compared to everyone else, like I know everything, doesn't mean I'm egoistic or anything like that.
It just means I'm trying to act cool, like I actually know what I'm talking about, but inside, I'm really nervous.

Just because I scoff when you're anxious about an exam, or I try to brush something like finals off and say, "It's easy", doesn't mean I'm not nervous or scared, or afraid.
Because I am. I just hide it better.
______________________________

When I say, 'I'm alright', I'm actually trying to see who can spot my lie, and who cares about me enough to ask after me.

When I say, 'I Love You', I actually mean it. I really do.
______________________________

I act so nonchalant about things because it's the only way I can combat the harsh world outside. By pretending I don't care, it's easier to deflect everything they throw at me. By pretending to be weird and strange, I'm trying to see who my true friends are, and would they mind my quirkiness.

Every time someone gets emotional, I leave the scene, because if they cry, I might do it too, and I can't afford to let anyone see me in tears. Not because being in tears is a weakness, but because it's a sign that I'm losing control, and control is one thing I cannot afford to lose, because being in control means I'm still who I am, and nothing can change that.

And that's not the only reason why. I leave to protect myself. I leave because I absolutely refuse to entertain the idea that one day, you'll leave me. One day, I'll be all alone, and I don't like that. I don't like that at all.

If I could choose my own profession, I'd like to be a guardian angel. Because I'm paranoid, and the only way I can convince myself that the people I love are safe, is when I'm watching them myself.

My best friend is imaginary. I tell him things I can't tell anyone else, I share all my tears with him. Maybe, if I pray hard enough, I'll find him someday.

They say actions speak louder than words.
They also say that the pen is mightier than the sword.
Two contradicting, but very true, statements.
In that case, which hurts more: listening to the one you love gushing about the girl he's been crushing on, or seeing them, hand in hand, together?

Music plays a huge role in my life. I've always been in love with it. The melody, the haunting lilt, the wonderful and soothing notes. Which is why I believe that answers to the world's greatest mysteries can be found in music.

And just like every other post, I doubt anyone will reply to this one.

That So Few Now Dare To Be Eccentric, Marks The Chief Danger Of The Time. - John Stuart Mill

2009-09-23T14:21:00.003+08:00

What is the difference between...

...award and prize?

...gift and present?

...killer and murderer?

...laptop and notebook?

Believe me, there is a difference. Was just wondering if anyone had these random thoughts running through their heads like it's running through mine.

I need help for my story. It's a typical spy one where the main characters are three girls in their early twenties. Got the plot just about right but can't figure out a handy bioweapon. Melinda suggested that they know about a BW just not what it can do. I kinda like that plot line but I'm rather inclined to know everything about the BW beforehand. I also need to set out some events in a good timeline.

I'm not making sense, am I?

Anyway, if you got any suggestions, let me know.

Cheers.

Lullabies and Princes on White Horses

2009-09-19T23:58:00.002+08:00

Ok I couldn't sleep a few nights ago (think my insomnia is coming back again). Usually I'd just drop onto my bed and next minute I'm in dreamland but lately it's taking me a couple of hours to sleep, and then I wake up and sleep again. It's annoying because I toss and turn around the whole bloody night and I'm feeling so uncomfortable.

And that got me thinking: what would one's future partner do in times like this? Sing them to sleep. Very endearing habit. Then I got into a sort of idea of what kind of lullaby Russell would sing. It's cringe-worthy, I understand but I really like some verses.

When the sky turns to rain
My brave little girl don't despair (yes, I think being called a little girl is rather endearing in some ways)
Help will come riding
Like a prince on a white horse
I'll be that prince someday (love these sentences)

I will slay dragons
And keep you from harm
I'll be a knight in Arthur's realm (another childhood fantasy--I love King Arthur)
Together we will be
Always and forever
Nothing will break us down

Whatever they say will not affect us
Whatever they scream will never hurt
As long as we're together
Nothing can break us down

When the sky turns to rain
My brave little girl don't despair
Help will come riding
Like a prince on a white horse
I'll be that prince someday

Seeking Answers

2009-09-19T23:44:00.002+08:00

Everytime we speak
I'm always asking the questions
Curiosity, embeded deep inside me
But it doesn't make sense
Because I'm the one
Who initiates everything

What happened
To the age where the gentlemen
Always made the first move
What happened
That you can't be bothered
To talk to me

I'm searching desperately for answers
To questions I'm not sure exists
I try to delve deep within me
Doubt myself, am I the cause behind this
I may act so removed
I may built a wall around me
Don't be fooled
I'm just like any other girl
I need reassurance
Despite what they might think
Should I stay or should I walk away?

I thought that we were deeper than this
I figured there was something between us
And then I realised that I couldn't do this
Couldn't see this through

It's all my fault and I'm worried
I used to think I was so invincible
Right now, I feel like I'm defeated
I try to act like I don't care
But actually I do
We always do

Do Not Fear To Be Eccentric In Opinion, For Every Opinion Now Accepted Was Once Eccentric.

2009-09-18T17:33:00.002+08:00

Yes welcome back my public. Been off the grid for three weeks now, no thanks to the trials we've been having. Feel pretty confident in Chemistry, definitely screwing up my Add Maths. And our last exams (Biology Paper 3 and EST 1) is to be postponed until after the Raya hols.

Which explains why I'm here blogging. Not that trials didn't hold much excitement (yeah, right) for us. Shall I elaborate?

The date was 15 September 2009, aka Tuesday. We had our Chemistry and Physics Paper 3. Chem was fantastic. But Physics was more panicky than usual since our teacher didn't offer any tips whatsoever and everyone from Mr Yeoh's tuition class were scrambling for notes to read.

Paper 3 was experiment-based, which means they give you two structural questions regarding several experiments and you have to fill the blanks. That was the easy bit. Then the last section was the bit where they gave you a situation, and you had to contruct your own experiment based on what little clues they gave you. And it was this experiment-constructing bit that had everyone cursing to the bone. It didn't help matters that Nicholas Leong, Melinda and some others were busy debating the whole Kanye West-Taylor Swift incident.

So we frantically read through all of Mr Yeoh's notes. Then the bell rang and the teacher came in. So out goes the notes and our last chance at scraping some marks. Dunno if you guys overseas (that's you Shar) do this as well, but even though we're at our places and while the teacher's preparing to give out the papers, we still throw questions throughout the class just to confirm/get some last minute information our brains force us to think about.

Seating arrangements were as thus: seven tables (vertically) by six tables (horizontally). Originally this meant that I'd be sitting at the very back instead of the second last place, but Xian Yao who'd always sat the last seat, second row from the left wanted to keep his place so he got his way. That means he's the last in the second row. Erina was on his right, and I was in front of Erina. Ben was on Erina's right and Gerald was in front of him, making Gerald my right.

The moment the teacher (who was walking around passing papers) gave Xian Yao his Physics test paper, he flipped to the back and checked out the experiment questions. And he started laughing. Erina and I saw what was on the paper and the three of us started laughing hysterically.

You know why?

One of the questions that came out was the one we'd read about. It was especially a miracle for Erina, who'd came back from recess with Candice when she suddenly flipped her notes open, right at that very page with that very experiment, and she said, 'Let's study Physics.'

And then the next day for Modern Maths (abbreviated Mod Maths) we were doing the test when a bat flew in. See my class is the last one on the top floor, and we've been getting visits from bats and moths (Angsana class had a bat that flew into the fan and got its wings torn or something). Last couple of weeks before the exam, a bat flew in when we were studying and Xian Yao was like, 'Look! It's Edward Cullen!'

If you don't get the reference then you're obviously not from this planet we call Earth.

So half way through the Mod Maths test Edward Cullen flew in. And Xian Yao (never one to talk quietly--even his whispers are loud--sometimes wonder are the teachers really deaf or what) whispered to us, 'Did you see Edward Cullen?'

And that wasn't even the highlight. Thursday we came in and Erina noticed some brown balls of stuff on her table. Predictably she went Eww and immediately demanded to know what they were. Xian Yao helpfully suggested that they were bat poo and Erina shrank back in disgust, followed by more exclaimations of Eww.

I began to poke fun at her. 'Maybe it was left by Edward Cullen (the bat).'

Erina glared at me. Xian Yao caught on. 'Yalor. So you mustn't wipe it away.'

Then I couldn't resist adding, 'Just take it as a present from Edward Cullen himself.'

Ok that's all for exams. I am now downloading songs and games, and I seriously encourage you to listen to Alexz Johnson's Deeper and I Still Love You. They are seriously ncie songs and I managed to get Gerald to listen to them.

So I was bored and was tagged via Facebook by Xin Wei where we type in 10 names and click on the question generator and answer the questions. The first one I got was, 'How would Louise insult Erina?'

I asked and she didn't bother answering.

Then third question was, What would Timothy not caught dead in? Lou was laughing at that one.

Some other nice ones were What would happen if you could read David's private diary? But this is the best because it takes the mickey out of two of my guy friends.

Nicholas (Kok) and Gerald are forced to roleplay out a verbal couple fight. Who gets to play the wife?

I seriously burst out laughing at this and after much consideration, I chose Nicholas. Hmm, maybe I should post it on Facebook.

Honestly this generator asks all the stupid questions. Once I put my cousins's (Julaine, Emma and Praise) names and my sister's (Chary) in and I got this two questions:

How would you feel about some Julaine and Emma action?

I could've spat out my drink. If I had been drinking.

And then...

How about Praise and Chary?

I was like, Shit. What's this guy's problem?

But it's addictive. So I do it again just to see what kind of questions I'd get.

1. Lou got turned into an animal. What animal is it? ~Something unique but spicy. Maybe something like a killer whale. Or a tiger. Or an eagle.
2. Super fun fun adventure amusement park marathon with you, Timothy and Louise! How will it go? ~Hysterically. We probably can't decide where to go first.
3. Who is Gerald's best friend? ~ Dunno. Darrel, maybe? One of the guys from BR class.
4. Chiau Hui suddenly knows all your secrets. What do you have to say about that? ~The same one I got for the Ben question. I'll give the same answer: only that now they know why I've become what I am.
5. What musical instrument would Chary most likely play? ~ She already plays one: piano, just quitted it ages ago.
6. Would you love to read Praise's very personal diary? ~ Considering that she is 12 years old, I doubt there would be much to interest me. Unless she's writing about a boy...then I might be interested. Cue evil smirks and maniacal laughs.

Then I got bored cause they were repeating the questions. Anyway, I'm off to play a couple of games before dinner. Like Lou coined,

Fare thee well, comrades, conspirators and calculators! May the pi be with you!

(All Add Maths references, in case you didn't know. The only subject I truly hated. Seriously, this test results will prove I'm not fit to be an Add Mathematician.)

Cheers.

Hope Is Tomorrow's Veneer Over Today's Disappointment.

2009-09-02T21:37:00.003+08:00

Disappointment.

It's the worst feeling in the world. It makes you doub yourself, makes you question everything you ever did. It eats you from the inside, a stab so painful nothing will ever fix it. It is, essentially, the emotional equivalent of acid.

Being disappointed is bad enough.

Knowing you are the source of disappointment adds insult to the injury.

Remember, disappointment kills.

So study hard.

Okay. Blog will be on temporary hiatus till my trials end on the 18 of September. The above refers to an incident in Chem tuition today.

We were given Paper 1 to do. I got 76 %, which I thought was good but not good enough. It annoyed me that Timmy got higher than I did, and I was slightly pissed that I made so many careless mistakes.

But the clincher was, Mrs Foo asked for my marks, and when I told her, she just said one sentence:

"I expected better from you."

It stung, really, because I consider Chemistry to be my best subject, and I love it. It hurt that I had so many careless mistakes and I didn't trust my gut. But worse of all, she was right.

And that hurt the most.

P.S. Anyone has a copy of T.H. White's The Once and Future King? It's an Arthurian legend book. Really like to read it.

Chemistry Is Just Like Cooking, Just With A Lot Less Tasting and A Lot More Explosives.

2009-08-26T20:28:00.002+08:00

The first week in Chemistry class, you're required to memorise the electrochemical series. The teacher makes you memorise it, memorise until you've got everything down to boot. Where is Carbon? Above Zinc, below Aluminium. Where is Copper? Above Mercury, below Lead.

After that you're required to memorise the first twenty elements in the Periodic table. Hydrogen, Helium, Lithium, Beryllium so on and so forth. You have to memorise it, or so the teacher says. It's important for you to know.

Then you're again required to memorise the colours of metals. Gold is yellow, not gold, and the others are either brown or grey. Three colours only. Basic. Very basic.

So it should stand to reason that we'd remember this, especially now, what with our trials so near. Yet we could still make the same mistake.

Mrs. Foo was writing on the board in tuition today. She drew 3 test tubes, A, B, and C. Reading out the question as she wrote. Metal L displaced silver from silver nitrate solution in test tube A. Metal M displaced silver from AgNO3 in test tube B. Metal M could not displace L from L ion solution in test tube C. Write out the order of metals by increasing electropositivity.

So she wrote out the equation on the board.

L + AgNO3 ----> LNO3 + Ag

And started explaining at the same time.

'So if L displaces silver from AgNo3, it becomes LNO3, right?'

Furious nods throughout the room. Well, furious nods on my part, mostly. Everyone else was just so vanilla.

'And you get LNO3 and silver comes out.'

Now here's the real clincher.

'What colour is silver?'

Forgetting everything our Chemistry teacher drilled into our heads back in Form 4, Elaine, Montri and I said in unison. 'SILVER!'

Mrs. Foo looked at us, smiled and said, 'No, it's grey.'

Somehow, it was just plain hilarious.

When Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemonade. And Poison It.

2009-08-21T19:27:00.002+08:00

Bit of a lazy day. Started off decorating the class. Then got bored halfway and did bits and pieces of Chem and Add Maths and Mod Maths. Continued this way till BM where Pn Maziana gave us some study guides and wished us good luck. Recess. After recess we had Sejarah. Bought a Sejarah answer book for RM 4 from Pn Nur Azlina. The whole class was clamouring to buy it. Then we started arranging the tables even though we're supposed to do so during last period. But what the heck, everyone was doing it. Peer pressure, no?

Saw the Merdeka decorations judges from the window. Jit Sun commented how some Form 4 class was so bersemangated they wore cheongsam and whatnot. So Gerald, Rin and I rushed to the window where Sun was perched on the table and we all peered down. So Rin said casually that we should do something like that as well. Sun cheekily answered that Rin could strip for them--she had the curves, and some.

The judges came in. Bit disappointed, really that they didn't really scrutinise the class as we would like. Most likely glanced over the Unity poster Phei Fang and Eng Hoe collaborated over. But never mind. It's done with.

Sat at my table. Now I'm at the very back of the class. A bit annoyed, really, cause I'm so far from the board. But Rin was sitting next to me, and we started gossiping, and Gerald, Sun, Xin, Kee Wei, Eng Hoe (from now on will call him Chris) came around. Benjamin from Dahlia I think came as well and we started yakking. At one point Erina and Jennifer were mock-kissing each other until Benjamin whacked Jen's back, pushing her forward. He didn't succeed though; they only bumped noses. So I've come to love the place. Gerald's just two seats down from Erina and Elaine in front of me, so I'm quite protected. XD.

But the real fun starts at home.

Came home today. Sis was complaining of unwellness so Dad took her to the same clinic I went to before. Came back with report of high fever and sore throat but not the influenza thank God. She had to have 2 fever pills 4 times a day, a sore throat pill and antibodies. The thing is, she can't swallow pills.

So Dad obligingly uses the knife and chops them into little bits before he left for work. I stayed at the table watching my sis eat her meds. She took one, swallowed a glug of water, and promptly spat the whole thing out, water and all. Made a mess on the dining table. I was laughing too hard to breathe. Does the same thing with a small chunk of antibiotic pill. Spat it out five times. You know how you'd onyl take a minimal amount of water to swallow your pills? It took her three full glasses.

So she slept the whole afternoon while I cleared out my file and bookshelf. Was eating tapioca chips to stave away the hunger pangs. Then we had dinner together, and when I told Dad the troubles Sis had swallowing pills, Dad nodded solemnly. 'Do you want me to make the mango ice?' Dad used to blend mango, sirup water and ice together to make some sort of smoothie. Idea was to blend in Sis's meds with the smoothie so she could just eat the whole thing like ice-cream. Sis agreed while I washed out.

In minutes Dad was slicing the mango and cleaning the blender while Sis took out the meds she was required to take. Dad chucked everything inside and we watched as the blender crushed the white and pink pills to bits. Then Dad chucked in the mango, and added some water and ice. He'd omitted the sirup since it had to be made from scratch and he couldn't be bothered.

So when it was ready, Dad poured it out and went and prepared some more mangoes as dessert for me and him while Sis took the cup and sat down at the table with a spoon. She sniffed at it, then took the whole spoon in her mouth and promptly pulled a face of disgust. She stuck out her tongue and announced that it was too bitter. So I went on explaining my rate of reaction theory: When the pill was its original size, it was bitter on the outside 'cause that is the total surface area. But when you crush it, it becomes smaller, total surface area becomes bigger, therefore it is more bitter. All said with a smile, of course.

Sis gave me a look that I will translate as, 'Very funny and go die.' to put it crudely. She kept on pulling a face as she took spoonfuls of it and had to eat some of the mangoes and a Sunkist sweet after.

Told her it was so funny I'd blog about it. Only minutes ago, she'd stuck her head from the door, took one look at the laptop and arched an eyebrow.

'Are you seriously blogging about it?'

I nodded yeah. Her eyebrow was raised further.

'I thought you were joking.'

To Err Is Human, But It Feels Divine

2009-08-20T14:41:00.002+08:00

Attention attention! Here ye here ye.

Unfortunately I have made a mistake regarding the "Louise Making Her Teacher Cry" Issue. It appears to be the work of an irreponsible Form 4 instead of our beloved friend.

This formal apology is hoped to have satisfied our beloved and wrongly accused CHS-ian who says, and I quote, 'You make me sound so Evil!'

Copyrights apply.

You're Nice and Helpful, and People Take Advantage of That

2009-08-19T16:41:00.002+08:00

Okay, not much to talk about. Wrecked my head trying to bloody figure out what the hell was Earth as a Sphere. Felt like giving up.

Uh, double Mod Maths we were...actually I have no idea what we were doing. Then it was double Bio and we went down to the lab. Love the Bio Lab. Brings back so many unforgettable moments. Remembered once when Pn Cheung was talking about the female reproductive system or something and the guys were all "excited" at the whole thing. Then someone started singing, 'I can show you the world...'

Cue hilarious moment.

I'm So Sadistic I Laugh When You Cry

2009-08-18T15:45:00.002+08:00

Lou was talking about how she made her teacher cry so I've got one as well. :) Pn Cheong was going through Biology again since she finished the syllabus on Saturday and only 8 out of 41 were present, me included, the only girl. Don't laugh at our attendance. Ixora class only had two.

So crap started in Bio where she went through Variation. There's a bit in the Success reference book where it talks about the grey-coloured moth and the dark-coloured moth, some thingamajig like that. She was talking about it when she suddenly said, 'You all know what a moth is? It turns into a butterfly.'

The whole class were so taken aback (yes, even the sub-science classes; so few attendance meant we'd have to combine classes and so they followed our schedule) that we all shout out, in unison, no hesitation, with one voice: NOOOOOOO!!!!

Then the uproar happened.

'No lah, Pn Cheong! I tell you, the moth is different from the butterfly!'

'The moth is a butterfly! (double wth I tell you) I read somewhere the moth is a stage of the butterfly!'

'No lah teacher. A moth goes through the same stage as a butterfly. See, they both go through pupae and then only they become a moth or a butterfly!' This was Montri.

Then Zhuo Liang or Xian Yao said: OMG lah Pn Cheong! Fail lah! Fail as a Bio teacher!'

Eng Hoe and I were too hysterical with laughter at this. It reminded us of the time where we asked Pn Cheong if we could use fish blood instead of human blood for an experiment (put sample under microscope, see the biconcave shape like in Form 4, Chapter 3) and she replied, the quote of the year: Fish got blood meh?

Pn Cheong immediately began to protest. 'Hai ya, one tiny mistake only what. Even I sometimes can make mistake.'

Xian Yao/Zhuo Liang (again I don't know how; sometimes their personality are too similar when it comes to Pn Cheong): Fail lah teacher.

And so it went on until she came to a part in genetics where she was explaining about how faulty genes can be passed on to children. '...and when they do that thing--'

'Teacher, what thing?' Xian Yao interrupted.

Pn Cheong: Hai ya, you already know what. That thing lah...

XY: Teacher we're not seven year olds lah. Explain what that thing is. How we know what that thing is?

We could see her struggling to find a word that explained it yet didn't sound too sexual in content. Finally she spoke: Intercourse.

Fast-forward till Monday. Like I said, she was going through the last chapters again when she saw Phee Yee and the other girls doing Add Maths. Then she blew up and warned them to get out if they were doing maths in her period. She even went towards at one point in a threatening way. Then she left the lab and came back after a while. Phei Fang later reported that Pn Cheong came back with red eyes and a runny nose, so we assumed she was crying. Quote Phei Fang: Haihz, she just couldn't handle the pressure.

On a more sober note, Erina, Sam and Hui Xin are at home recovering from high fever. Zhuo Liang also had a fever but he's getting better now. Then we heard via PA system that someone in 5 Lili kena H1N1 so the whole class was bundled off home and Mr. Allen said to go home if sick. We were in front with En Amara who was teaching us how architects drew their plans (for Chpt 10 Plan and Elevation) which was completely (okay, maybe mostly) irrelevant to our SPM. He forced us to go to the front so yeah. Then he made a mistake, had to re-do, and we were confused like mad when David came in with the news. Our class is a bit far off from the speaker so we can't hear announcements all that well in class.

All at once, Nicholas Leung and Jit Sun started coughing. 'Ah, sick lah sir, we need to go home now.'

Highlight of the day was when Amara taught Earth As a Sphere and he was doing a question when Melinda noticed he did it wrong and proceeded to ask him and debate with him about his method in front of the whole class, not pausing to give him a moment to interrupt. Saw her true ability as a debater. She even went something like, 'Mr Amara, your method is wrong. Shouldn't it be .......?' and everyone was like shell-shocked. Yes, even Amara himself. Go Mel!

Tim taught me to do CRO and all that so my Physics is much better thanks to him.

Then last period Ming Kang the gentle giant became Ming Kang the giant, period. Zhuo Liang was playing with the bendera we were using for Merdeka Day, and went to tease MK abt some equation (later explained to be MK liking Jennifer who was absent). MK ran at him, wanting to take his water bottle but gave it up. Not one to learn, ZL did the same thing, causing MK to flare up (doing that a lot lately) and take ZL's bottle and moving his arm back to throw it. Unfortunately, it was semi closed, so water came rushing out and hit Hui Sheng who was seated behind MK.

I called Jon over to ask him about something he'd written on the board which I saw. He replied that it was payback for MK scratching a line from his left ear to his jaw. Seems a bit violent, don't you think? The moment MK saw him talking, he came over and strangled Jon. Took a sharp scolding from Jenn Yee before he relented.

Talk about drama.

Procrastination...running circles in my head

2009-08-13T16:59:00.002+08:00

Jethro.

Yes, I have officially decided to name my future dog (whatever it may be) Jethro. If it's a girl I'll call it Jenny.

Okay gags aside, Nico's going through a moment of self-quarantine because his brother has suspected H1N1 so Nico's staying home as well.

Trials is in two weeks or so. Approximately.

I'm terrified.

Influenza and Other Things

2009-08-02T15:56:00.003+08:00

Not feeling too well lately. Thursday I slept in the afternoon and woke at seven just for my dad to check that I have a fever of 37.8 Celsius. Scary. And if you want to know what made my dad check, I was sleeping on my parents' bed wrapped in my mom's blanket. The sun was shining like hell outside but I said I was cold. Go figure.

So that night after dinner Dad took me to the clinic near my house for a check-up, what with the influenza scare these days. Since it was a clinic I've not been to before, Dad had to register me. Luckily he told me to bring my IC along. I swear, seems like I've had patient cards at practically every clinic in my vicinity already. Shows how weak my immunity system is.

Waiting for a while. Quite a lot of people. Had to use the loo. Shock, gasp, horror! The loo itself was a health hazard (is that what you call it)! Honestly. The roof was falling down in places, there were droppings all over (at least I think they were). Expected more from a doctor's clinic, really.

Went in. Doc checked me up and all. Finally figured out that it was a viral infection, normal fever and flu, nothing serious. But he said not to go to school the next day, what with the prejudices against the influenza and all. Went to the dispensary to get my meds. Fever medication - 2 tablets, 4 (!!) times a day (I have a strange feeling about this...) and cold medication - 1 tablet, twice a day, all after meals. To Dad's surprise, the meds only costed us RM21! Which was cheap. Again, another reference to how weak I am when I've even started to notice how cheap the medication is.

Anyway, stayed home Friday. Heard quite a number in class had the flu, and there was a case (not sure if it's true/confirmed) of the influenza in 3 Dahlia (was it?) Chatting with Lou the whole time. She said that there were 4 confirmed cases of influenza in her school (CHS) and her mom said (her parents are doctors: mom's a pediatrician and dad's an anaesthetist) that the influenza is like pneumonia--it can KILL.

So to you people out there who want to get the influenza for some crazy-assed reason -- skip school for a week (this was response I got from the majority) or so that you can be immune to the influenza after you recover from it (funnily enough, I got this as an excuse too, though I suppose it does make sense) please, please, please do not put your lives at risk just for one week of respite from school. It can kill, or have you not seen the death rates go up?

Take back everything you said about wanting to have the flu; don't mess with things like this. It's just too close for comfort. Besides, you'll have to take all sorts of vaccines and medication and check-ups and whatnots. Take it from someone who's been on meds most of her life for some reason or other -- after the first few days, the novelty wears off, and you'll find yourself wishing you weren't so weak instead.

Labels

2009-08-01T12:04:00.003+08:00

Fear.

She was afraid of many things. Fear of abandonment, fear of the future. Fear of losing control.

She was afraid to die, afraid that she might leave before achieving all that she'd set out to do. She was afraid of herself, of time. Of everything. She was afraid of losing out. Afraid of sickness. Of war. Of losing her friends. A fact that seemed more and more likely with each passing day.

She had friends, many of them, back when she was younger and carefree. She was still carefree now, but it was laced with a hint of cynicism and jaded sarcasm. Where she once took care not to hurt her friends, she now ploughed straight aheard, blunt in her views and opinions, not caring who she hurt or why. She was protective of her friends, yes, to the point that she'd fight for them with her life, but now, those so-called friends were just infuriating. She didn't know who to trust.

Those she could were busy with their own things; those she couldn't were available. She often yearned for someone she could talk to, no holding back, just letting everything out. Someone with a wise counsel, who could comfort her, play Devil's advocate. Someone who could make her blood fire up with just one look; understand her completely by one gesture. No words need to be spoken, just soft, reassuring silence.

However, the people she worked with...They were afraid of her and her temper. Many a time had she affected their mood with her black-temper aura, turning the atmosphere sour. She knew that everyone gave her a wide berth. If any of the boys were teasing her girlfriends, they'd go through all of them and stopped teasing when it came to her. They probably didn't mean to, but it made her feel left out. They would come asking gingerly for her book or chair, and though she'd never give them any reason to, they'd immediately scurry away, mistaking her look of bemusement for one of anger.

She was labeled.

Quite frankly, it hurt.

A lot.

2009-07-26T17:15:00.000+08:00

You Scored as Fallen Angel
You are a Fallen Angel empath. You have not found your place in this world yet and wander as a lost soul. Your wings have been clipped but you know deep inside they will grow back. You need to fly free and proud. Fallen Angels are spiritual beings who were trapped by flesh, and are now seeking to spread their wings again. (from the Book of Storms at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Empaths/)

Fallen Angel 95%
Artist 90%
Judge 90%
Precog 85%
Universal 80%
Traveler 75%
Healer 70%
Shaman 60%